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Yup, it does! I think it can be phrased better. Thanks!kwooderson wrote:Yep, a hundred words exactly. Makes sense as far as I can see, though I'm not partial to 'toned inviting physique' -there's something off about it. Hope that helps?
How could you, Brian? Why do you possess so little self-control? Why did you have to meet that woman? What was it? The golden hair? Her toned, inviting physique? You’ve kept yourself in check so long. But now I see the true you. I think we'll have to move on to other people. Again! And I'd just gott...
Ha! Fun. I like it. I think it might be more effective if you added paragraph breaks. I know it's short, but it would help add 'beats' so that you read through at a certain pace. Like telling a joke - you can't shout it out in one breath. How about this? (I shortened a run-on sentence so you'd have ...
- Sat Feb 04, 2017 7:58 am
- Forum: Twit-Fic!
- Topic: Post your Twitfic Twabbles Here! (General Content)
- Replies: 7286
- Views: 622237
The devil visits my mother Fridays. She's a good woman - leader, churchgoer, altruist. Yet she looks forward to Friday.
I like the set up for this. It's a nice little window I wouldn't mind seeing expand into something a little longer, with a little conflict and a chance to see him in action on one particular case.
Three by air. I don't mind that they're unexpected - important part of humour. Alternative histories are always enjoyable. Now let's picture a Britain that includes Dinosaurs and mammoths amongst its war machines, perhaps a Germany with dragons and Canada with armies of Sasquatch.
Also, great Drabble. I get the image of my own mother wandering into a room after I'd discovered her tube of mascara or a jar of peanut butter. I have a feeling Mother Nature's much less forgiving. And my bum still twinges even now.
- Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:12 am
- Forum: Drabbles
- Topic: The Forecast calls for Death
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4111
Did you see the latest drabblecast has your drabble, read by moi, in it. One of my favorite readings so far. :) http://www.drabblecast.org/2014/12/07/drabblecast-344-doubleheader-xv/ Oh yes, did I forget to thank you? I've listened to it numerous times and even showed it off I liked it so much. Tha...
strawman wrote:I think "wrongly probably" is probably right.
My son's goldfish kept committing suicide by jumping out of their tank.
At least, that's what his cat said.
In a universe where cats talk, suicidal goldfish seem perfectly believable.
Welcome to the Forums, Kate! I may have said that already. In any case, stellar drabble. I agree with Strawman, the last bit is an effective twabble, and though I like the opening, that bit stands out so well and says everything that came before it.