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Just the thought of the prince dancing with her made Cinderella light-headed. “I could stay like this for the rest of my life,” she thought. The ball gown, the horse carriage, the glass slippers, the entire wonderful evening fading out at the stroke of midnight. The final glimmers of her fairy godmo...

Hey soul, do the right thing, leave that body behind.
Hey soul, do the wight thing, stick around and haunt the graveyard.

It cannot be repeated too often: Never ever shake your baby. Everyone should know by now that they taste better as malts.

The infant giggled, reaching his hand toward the rat before hesitating. Nibbling on crumbs, the rat was close enough to touch, but he remembered being bit the last time. His parents had not answered his cries. They remained asleep, eyes cold, staring. The boy would soon get hungry. He would regret t...

The Milky Way Galactic Council to Find Meaning recognized the transmission as Earth's contribution: the Hokey Pokey.

unreliable narrator wrote:Sometimes I wonder about the decisions I've made... particularly today, when the police arrived to dig up my basement.

I was happy to comply with the police warrant to tear up the floor boards. It said nothing about uprooting my rose bushes.

I wouldn't say I'm crazy. I would just marbled carpentry-algorithms descendant monopoly interviewing maple donuts!

"I wonder if I could pick your brain-"
"sure,"
"...out of a line up," he said after, placing the pink mass with the others.

I'm seeing a lot of "lost dog" posters around town.
My wife says I've been sleep-walking.
I hope those aren't connected.

It's still legal to shoot cattle rustlers in Idaho, and my wallet's genuine cow hide so...what are these charges about?

Problem solved?

“That'll be $514.73,” the checkout attendant says. “You must be throwing a heck of a party.” “It takes a lot to feed my army,” Magneto responds, pulling out six $100 bills. The checker starts to laugh at what she assumes was a joke, until she sees the cash. “Uhm, so we don't, I mean, I can't really....

Her husband on the bathroom floor, the chemist remembered why she shouldn't bring her work home-looks like mouth wash.

At 8 months, the camping trip was a risk. One more adventure before their lives changed forever. She went into labor three miles up Wayfarer's Ridge. Screaming down the highway, she cried, “We're not gonna make it!” He spied a family physician's office on the edge of a small town. “Haven't done one ...

The zombie with sore teeth told his friends the Prophet's words. They replied, "Don't take hearts. They are too chewy."

A zombie with sore teeth sought the Undead Prophet, and he spoke these words, "Take heart. There will come soft brains."

The android proudly buttoned his tour guide uniform. His creators had hoped for better, but he passed the touring test.

Cinderella looked out across the water. Her attendance at tonight's island gala was dependent on her ferry godmother.

Algernon Sydney is Dead wrote:

Bejami wrote:I was excited to start working as a line cook until I realized that the restaurant's specialty was actually barbequeue.

That's a groaner.

Main dish is "Aw shish kabob"?

I believe their best seller is actually the Oh Geezburger

I was excited to start working as a line cook until I realized that the restaurant's specialty was actually barbequeue.