The Narcoleptic Minotaur

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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kennebel
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Joined: Mon May 24, 2010 6:11 pm
Location: Colorado

The Narcoleptic Minotaur

Post by kennebel » Mon May 24, 2010 6:17 pm

We carefully walked down the dark corridor. Water dripping off of the moss covered walls made the ground slick. Distant rumblings of the Creature could be heard around every corner of the maze. After a moment, we noticed the intense quiet that had descended. We turned around just in time to see the Minotaur charging at us. I barely had time to raise my dagger before he fell upon me, unmoving. We were too stunned at first by our incredible luck to notice the snoring. There was a small tag on his ear that read, “If you find me asleep…”
Jeremy A. Cunningham
Kennebel

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dreamrock
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Re: The Narcoleptic Minotaur

Post by dreamrock » Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:24 pm

Oh, shoot. Sorry no one responded to this before now. Hope you're still around.

I think the We vs. I in the text detracts a bit. The other members of We never contribute to the plot. I think it would also help to have it split up into paragraphs.
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flyawaybefree
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Re: The Narcoleptic Minotaur

Post by flyawaybefree » Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:47 pm

I like the sense of this one, but I agree with dreamrock about the We aspect
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

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