Page 1 of 1

The Power

Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 6:16 pm
by CLP
“Did you defeat Dr. Vile?” Tosh said.

“Get out of my way!” Current barked as he stormed past Tosh down to the basement and into the metal cage therein. Once inside, he let go of his restraint and liquid blue electricity snaked from this feet and fingers, up the metal bars, arcing between them. He sighed deeply and slumped to the floor in exhaustion.

“Why must I be responsible for the whole world? Why must I save them?”

“You’re the only one with the power.” Stated Tosh

Current slammed his fist on the floor “I don’t want the damn power!”

Re: The Power

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:39 pm
by flyawaybefree
I like the idea of this one, but I think that it could come across a little better, with more emotion or description of current. there must be a reason why he doesn't want it, and i think that that would be interesting to see exactly why that is.

Re: The Power

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:10 pm
by CLP
I was trying to show that he didn't want the power because he didn't want the obligatory responsibility. Presumably he was born with the power of was given it against his will. i will have to think of a way to portray that better.

Thanks for the input, it is always good to see how the reader perceives what you wrote.

Re: The Power

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:56 pm
by strawman
The 'I didn't ask for the responsibility" meme is a bit shopworn. How about if it hurts like hell to use the juice? Or causes boils.