Faith Healer

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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peteyfrogboy
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Faith Healer

Post by peteyfrogboy » Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:05 pm

The running woman heard a crash behind her, then silence. Retracing her steps, she found a broken floor grate. The robot lay ten yards below in a pool of water, staring up with one glowing eye.

"I have been disabled. You will escape. I have failed."

"Can you repair yourself?"

The robot paused before replying. "Yes. My power levels are low, and I need spare parts."

"I can get those for you."

"Why?"

"Robots are learning machines. If you can learn to kill, you can learn to love. You just need to be taught." She went in search of supplies.

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flyawaybefree
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Re: Faith Healer

Post by flyawaybefree » Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:20 pm

I like this one, but I feel like something should be said to build up to the robot's evilness, for example bits about the horrific was between robots and humans or something like that, and then focus on the woman's emotions while she's deciding to help this robot. That would make it a stronger piece altogether.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

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strawman
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Re: Faith Healer

Post by strawman » Thu Sep 09, 2010 5:52 pm

To be frank, that's like saying this would be better as a short story than a drabble. But what does Frank know?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

peteyfrogboy
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Re: Faith Healer

Post by peteyfrogboy » Thu Sep 09, 2010 8:02 pm

strawman wrote:To be frank, that's like saying this would be better as a short story than a drabble. But what does Frank know?
I originally tried writing this as a short story, but a drabble gets to the punchline quicker. :)

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dreamrock
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Re: Faith Healer

Post by dreamrock » Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:38 pm

For me, it's not really a punchline story. I think about 300 words would work for this. Needs enough room to breath and get the emotions and atmosphere across.

It's a really great concept and you're a talented writer, but it definitely needs the added length. Since it is short, I'd recommend a complete re-write instead of trying to edit it to buff it out.
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strawman
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Re: Faith Healer

Post by strawman » Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:00 am

I agree. Funny thing is, if you had the character destroy the robot, it would have been fine at 100 words.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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mrsmica
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Re: Faith Healer

Post by mrsmica » Fri Sep 10, 2010 1:10 am

agreed; this drabble is a longer piece in disguise

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