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Faith Healer

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:05 pm
by peteyfrogboy
The running woman heard a crash behind her, then silence. Retracing her steps, she found a broken floor grate. The robot lay ten yards below in a pool of water, staring up with one glowing eye.

"I have been disabled. You will escape. I have failed."

"Can you repair yourself?"

The robot paused before replying. "Yes. My power levels are low, and I need spare parts."

"I can get those for you."

"Why?"

"Robots are learning machines. If you can learn to kill, you can learn to love. You just need to be taught." She went in search of supplies.

Re: Faith Healer

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:20 pm
by flyawaybefree
I like this one, but I feel like something should be said to build up to the robot's evilness, for example bits about the horrific was between robots and humans or something like that, and then focus on the woman's emotions while she's deciding to help this robot. That would make it a stronger piece altogether.

Re: Faith Healer

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 5:52 pm
by strawman
To be frank, that's like saying this would be better as a short story than a drabble. But what does Frank know?

Re: Faith Healer

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 8:02 pm
by peteyfrogboy
strawman wrote:To be frank, that's like saying this would be better as a short story than a drabble. But what does Frank know?
I originally tried writing this as a short story, but a drabble gets to the punchline quicker. :)

Re: Faith Healer

Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:38 pm
by dreamrock
For me, it's not really a punchline story. I think about 300 words would work for this. Needs enough room to breath and get the emotions and atmosphere across.

It's a really great concept and you're a talented writer, but it definitely needs the added length. Since it is short, I'd recommend a complete re-write instead of trying to edit it to buff it out.

Re: Faith Healer

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:00 am
by strawman
I agree. Funny thing is, if you had the character destroy the robot, it would have been fine at 100 words.

Re: Faith Healer

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 1:10 am
by mrsmica
agreed; this drabble is a longer piece in disguise