Apprenticeship

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Mikes
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Apprenticeship

Post by Mikes » Mon Sep 27, 2010 4:04 am

“You gotta learn,” he said. “You wanna do this, you gotta learn how. It ain’t easy, and I don’t want you to crack at the last minute. You crack, and the deal’s off”

“But who should it be?” I said. He shrugged.

“It don’t matter.” He thought for a moment, one scarred finger pressed into his chin dimple. “Maybe someone at your school. Make it random, not obvious. I don’t care who.”

James threw a party that weekend. Everyone went. We played spin the bottle. And on my turn it landed on Cherie Dawson. Shame. I quite liked Cherie.
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Mikes
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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by Mikes » Sun Oct 10, 2010 11:32 pm

Follow up!

He taught me everything he knew. How to sever a gas pipe and make it look like stress. That air rifle pellets are never logged at a crime scene. That syringe pricks on the soles of the feet are nearly impossible to find. I bet you never knew bruises in armpits are inadmissible as evidence in court, did you? Too many easily explainable reasons how they got there. Not that that little tidbit of knowledge would matter. He taught me too well.

As a graduation present I made it look like an accident. He would have wanted it that way.
Let me through, I'm a colour therapist!

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Chadder Cheese
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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by Chadder Cheese » Mon Oct 11, 2010 3:11 pm

Bruises in armpits are imadmissible in court?!

Nice.
http://chadwick-brinker.blogspot.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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Mikes
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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by Mikes » Mon Oct 11, 2010 8:52 pm

It's fun to learn!
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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by Mikes » Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:53 am

If people who read this wouldn't mind, could you say which if these you prefer? There's a competition for short stories that these fall into and I'm thinking of entering one, but I'm not sure which.

Also, the few people I've shown these to have started to look at me strange and ask my mum how I know what is and was isn't used as evidence in court cases. Gotta love a little mystique.
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Scattercat
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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by Scattercat » Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:52 am

The first is more complete, though I rather like the effect of the sequels.

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flyawaybefree
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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by flyawaybefree » Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:34 pm

I must say, I like them both... but really, the sequel is more exciting. It just feels more evil and driven, I guess. So that's the one that I would recommend.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

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Re: Apprenticeship

Post by Mikes » Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:08 pm

Thanks guys. I agree the first one feels more like a story, but the competition was more about the twist at the end, which I think the second fills better.

It's been prettied up and subbed.
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