Autumn Attacks

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
Post Reply
User avatar
Chadder Cheese
Member
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:00 pm

Autumn Attacks

Post by Chadder Cheese » Fri Oct 08, 2010 6:16 pm

Within the forest the fall leaves fly from the trees and swim on the breeze, landing here and there softly, gently. It’s beautifully serene, but the aliens watch cautiously, yet mesmerized as the leaves litter the landscape in an array of autumn colors.

“Interesting,” commander Czulk comments as the alien spaceship settles in a nearby field. “It appears those organic creatures are hurling parts of their extremities.”

Suddenly, the wind changes directions and the leaves float towards the aliens, sticking to their spaceship.

Terrified, horrified, commander Czulk cries, “Holy Knight Rider, we’re under attack! Shields up! Evasive maneuvers! Fire! Fire!”
http://chadwick-brinker.blogspot.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

User avatar
flyawaybefree
Member
Posts: 164
Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:58 pm

Re: Autumn Attacks

Post by flyawaybefree » Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:25 pm

I love the whole aliens misinterpreting thing. I would recommend that you rewrite it so that they're undera attack and then you find out about the leaves. I think that it would make it smoother and more suspenseful, as well as humorous at the end
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

User avatar
strawman
Member
Posts: 5966
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:20 pm
Location: South Georgia

Re: Autumn Attacks

Post by strawman » Sat Oct 09, 2010 3:11 am

The world saved by Fall.

I love it.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

User avatar
Chadder Cheese
Member
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:00 pm

Re: Autumn Attacks

Post by Chadder Cheese » Sun Oct 10, 2010 6:28 pm

Hey, thanks. This originally started as 55 Word Flash and I loved it, yet stretching it out as a "Drabble" was harder than I had imagined. I may play around with it some more . . .
http://chadwick-brinker.blogspot.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

User avatar
Mikes
Member
Posts: 799
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:17 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: Autumn Attacks

Post by Mikes » Sun Oct 10, 2010 11:33 pm

I like it. Although i do think Flyawaybefree's suggestion is also good, it doens't take away from this story's impact.
Let me through, I'm a colour therapist!

User avatar
Rish Outfield
Member
Posts: 94
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:30 am

Re: Autumn Attacks

Post by Rish Outfield » Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:55 pm

I hope you don't mind, but I imagined Commander Czulk to have the same voice as Admiral Ackbar.

Post Reply