First Date

Dr. Ew · Post by **Dr. Ew** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:54 pm

Her luck might be changing.

True, he hadn't said too much all night,
and yes, he basically looked like all her old, dead weights. Granted.
And to make matters worse,
he was a little too hung up on the church for her liking but
she supposed concessions had to be made, because in this day and age
it was becoming impossible to find that special someone.

Her up-do squirmed uncomfortably, restless and unnerved by this evening's awkward small talk.
She smiled nervously while tucking a stray cobra behind her ear and
secretly wondered if this gargoyle even had a car.

Scattercat · Post by **Scattercat** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:34 pm

The line breaks somehow make that last line funnier.

thebulletproofamish · Post by **thebulletproofamish** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:55 pm

I think this was an excellent first post, haha. 'Twas funny and well written. I agree with Scattercat in that the line breaks do well towards the overall flow of it, too.

ROU Killing Time · Post by **ROU Killing Time** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:57 pm

Slightly awkward start of the 3rd section but the hidden jokes and reveals were awes
ome. clap clap clap.

mrsmica · Post by **mrsmica** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 3:56 am

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I had to read that one twice

Dolohov · Post by **Dolohov** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 4:06 am

I had to read it twice too, but it was worth it! Nicely done.

Dr. Ew · Post by **Dr. Ew** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 6:07 pm

Thank you a million times over!

During the phone call rounds to family on Christmas day, my brother says "you should check out a site called duotrope and be inspired". From there I see Drabblecast, from which I hear my 1st podcast, from which I garner there are 100 word wonders called Drabbles. Then I go to the forum and I read and I read and I read... and I look at the clock and it's way past my due time , and yet I read some more.
I read things I didn't understand (nods to old sci-fi books) or anything above and beyond my makeup artist's scope... and I thought... wow.
And then I read a couple stories like Technically, He's the Janitor by Scattercat where I laughed out loud and consequently spilled tea all over my keyboard. Instead of being angered by my clumsiness and going to bed, I go grab a pen. So to hear the authors of Drabbles that inspired me to write one at 3am, actually enjoy my 1st.... I am over the moon.

As for line breakage... I have no answer.. Im just thrilled the last line comes off as funny.
awkward 3rd section... would it be better to just rephrase sentence to
Restless and unnerved by this evening's small talk, her up-do squirmed uncomfortably.
To say I am a bit rusty with my grammar and syntax would be a HUGE understatement, so I really appreciate feedback like that.
Thank you again - my New Year has begun with all smiles

Scattercat · Post by **Scattercat** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:43 pm

Somehow, I just get an image of Medusa and a gargoyle dressed up in 1950's teenager chic, poodle skirts and kerchiefs and slicked-back hair and letter jackets. And that's hilarious.

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad my stories are inspiring people instead of scaring them away; I worry about that on days when I'm every other post on here...

Dr. Ew · Post by **Dr. Ew** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:56 pm

Scattercat wrote:Somehow, I just get an image of Medusa and a gargoyle dressed up in 1950's teenager chic, poodle skirts and kerchiefs and slicked-back hair and letter jackets. And that's hilarious.

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad my stories are inspiring people instead of scaring them away; I worry about that on days when I'm every other post on here...

Your stories are much more inspiring than scary.. although some of them ..

Thanks for the feedback!

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