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To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:31 pm
by Loren Eaton
On the final push, you felt it, the otherness of the baby. Then the overhead fluorescents splintered at her first cry. The scissors glowed red-hot when your husband cut the cord. He cursed, dropping them.

Your dear, stupid husband. He didn't notice how the doctor whisked her away for "evaluation" or the official-looking man skulking in the hallway, hand clutched inside his coat. But you did. You also realized that your torn egress had already knit, your legs grown strong again.

They can't have her. She was yours for nine months. She'll be yours now.

Then you noticed the scissors.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:43 pm
by Dr. Ew
Post part ummm... well ...part human anyways
I love it! Especially "fluorescents splintered".. don't ask, I don't know why.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:35 pm
by uncre8d1
I really like this one, but I can't help but think that the last line seems out of place.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:01 pm
by Loren Eaton
@Dr. Ew: Many thanks!

@uncre8d1: Yeah, I was intending that final line to mean that the main character grabs the scissors and goes medieval on anyone who tries to get between her and her baby. But I'm not sure it quite worked.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:14 pm
by uncre8d1
And you got that idea across well. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but the tone seems to shift suddenly in the last line. I really like the drabble.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:35 pm
by Loren Eaton
You are far too kind. I'm glad you liked it.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:03 am
by Christi
I don’t like your drabbles, I LOVE them. I wish I could write like this. Sigh! I will keep on practicing.
Loren Eaton wrote:@Dr. Ew: Many thanks!

@uncre8d1: Yeah, I was intending that final line to mean that the main character grabs the scissors and goes medieval on anyone who tries to get between her and her baby. But I'm not sure it quite worked.
Maybe if she "grabbed the scissors" instead of Noticing them??? But its great as it is!
I look forward to your next creation.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:47 pm
by Loren Eaton
Yes, that would've been much better. Also, I probably should've inverted the last two lines, ending with the whole "they can't have her" section.

Hey, you're from Johannesburg! I spent some time around there in the late nineties. Really neat part of the world.

Re: To Rend the Caul of Their Heart

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:44 am
by Christi
It's a great place to live! Almost as exciting as Mexico!