Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior...

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Douglas Hackle
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Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior...

Post by Douglas Hackle » Sun Jun 17, 2012 4:00 am

Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior: A Choose Your Own Adventure



Grinding his boot into your chest, Zelgorn prepares to cleave your face with his broadsword.

“F—fuck you,” you spit back.

“Is your mother deceased or dying?” Zelgorn asks. “Or alive and in at least decent health?”


• If you respond, “Deceased,” or “Dying,” skip to A.

• If you respond, “Alive and well,” skip to B.
A
“I’m very sorry to hear that,” Zelgorn sincerely offers.

SPLATCHHHH! goes your face.
THE END
B
“When your mother isn’t busy robbing sperm banks to get her next meal,” Zelgorn remarks, “she drinks hard liquor like its water.”

SPLATCHHHH! goes your face.
THE END

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Douglas Hackle
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Re: Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior...

Post by Douglas Hackle » Sun Jun 17, 2012 5:03 am

This is what might happen when one, on the eve of Father's Day, gets into an idiotic but heated argument with one's better half regarding who had the more stressful Saturday working at home, after which one retreats to one's basement and, after getting a little drunk, tries to jump back into reading Melville's Billy Budd, Sailor only to become overwhelmed by the über-density of Melville's prose as a direct result of one's MIA sobriety, forcing one to give up on the reading and instead sit down at one's laptop and begin banging on the keyboard.

Under such circumstances, one just might produce "Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior (A Choose Your Own Adventure)."

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strawman
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Re: Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior...

Post by strawman » Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:03 pm

"What's that you're writing, Herman?"

"Moby Dick."

"Let me get this straight. I've spent all day looking after the kids, cleaning the house, working in the yard, and milking the goats, while you just sit here like a lump wasting time?"

"You just don't get it, do you? Dammit, woman. It's the great American novel! And only 100 words. Not one freaking more! Not one freaking less!"
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Douglas Hackle
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Re: Zelgorn the Somewhat Courteous Frost Orc Warrior...

Post by Douglas Hackle » Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:42 pm

What do you call a novel about a highly sane, contented, two-legged sea captain who sets sails on a voyage to encounter nothing but fair weather, uninterrupted maritime happiness, and a complete lack of hostile albino sperm whales?


Moby Dickless

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