Playing for Real

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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mynameisinvalid
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Playing for Real

Post by mynameisinvalid » Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:42 pm

The conductor appeared from offstage as the orchestra’s tuning trickled to a halt.

Three clicks of the baton signaled for silence and the orchestra froze, all eyes forward. The baton dropped into rhythm, but only a single violin sang out into the concert hall.

“Crap,” said the waiting sniper, and fired.

Gasps of horror rippled through the audience as the player slumped over onto his music stand, violin clattering to the floor, dripping blood.

The three clicks of the baton rang out again. As the conductor raised his hands to begin, his words echoed through the shocked hall.

“Simon says.”

mynameisinvalid
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by mynameisinvalid » Tue Nov 06, 2012 4:38 am

Ok, decided the sniper should say "bingo" instead. And it should be "blood dripping" rather than "dripping blood."

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strawman
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by strawman » Tue Nov 06, 2012 10:17 pm

That doesn't clarify it much.
Can't figure the connection between Bingo, sniper and orchestra. Looked around for a pun or double-entendre, and came up empty. Change some more words? Can we buy a vowel?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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uncre8d1
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by uncre8d1 » Wed Nov 07, 2012 4:08 am

Unless I'm missing something, which is precedented and entirely possible, I think this one falls under the 'pure weird' heading of Drabblecastery rather than in the more common headings of 'weird/funny' and 'weird/gross.' Entertaining without being noticeably amusing or sad or unnerving - not a bad thing. Helps me remember that the mind can be occupied for the sake of occupation. In a sense, it's escapism in its most pristine form. Or I might be an idiot. Almost definitely one of those two.
This post is made of at least 60% recycled letters. Want to help keep the Internet clean? You can, by sweeping any excess letters you may find into the 'reply' box.

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strawman
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by strawman » Wed Nov 07, 2012 4:39 am

uncre8d1 wrote:Unless I'm missing something, which is precedented and entirely possible, I think this one falls under the 'pure weird' heading of Drabblecastery rather than in the more common headings of 'weird/funny' and 'weird/gross.' Entertaining without being noticeably amusing or sad or unnerving - not a bad thing. Helps me remember that the mind can be occupied for the sake of occupation. In a sense, it's escapism in its most pristine form. Or I might be an idiot. Almost definitely one of those two.
:shock:
Wow! That's almost word for word the report I wrote on The Sound and the Fury in English 101.
As I recall, my teacher favored the 'idiot' theory.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

mynameisinvalid
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by mynameisinvalid » Wed Nov 07, 2012 5:23 am

Ok, I guess I should cut the sniper's line altogether. I'd wanted to have two snipers conversing - maybe they'd make a bet on the concert - but ran out of words. Any suggestions to replace lost words?

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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:27 am

Ah, I finally figured out the story. Fine idea but it has too many characters and too many POV's for 100 words. You must cut something so that the remaining bits convey the key point in a clear way.

Here's my humble, drunken, edit:

Doctor Tsybukin, the famous composer and performance artist, strolled to the podium.

With three clicks of his baton, he signaled for silence and the orchestra froze, all eyes forward. The baton dropped into rhythm, but only a single accordion blared into the concert hall.

From the rafters, a shot rang out. It was quickly followed by screams of horror as the accordionist slumped over his music stand. The first-string cellist quietly brushed bits of skull off her lap.

Doctor Tsybukin clicked his baton again. But this time, when he raised his hands to begin, he said, quite clearly, “Simon says.”

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strawman
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by strawman » Thu Nov 08, 2012 1:34 pm

Strawman thinks there's apparently something important about Simon Says that he is missing.

In such cases, he usually looks to Wikipedia for clarification. However, he feels awkward researching Simon Says on Wikipedia.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Thu Nov 08, 2012 1:46 pm

Simon says, "Research the #&*$@ phrase!"

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uncre8d1
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by uncre8d1 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:01 pm

But did the conductor actually proceed to say anything? In my experience, this is a crucial next step in playing 'Simon Says.'
This post is made of at least 60% recycled letters. Want to help keep the Internet clean? You can, by sweeping any excess letters you may find into the 'reply' box.

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strawman
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by strawman » Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:53 pm

It's okay to research the meaning of italian phrases in Ezra Pound. But the rules of Simon Says?
Are the rules the same as they were when I last played, early in the last century? I keep getting the question 'May I?' But wasn't the "Simon says" part supposed to come at the beginning?

Tantalizing.

And what about "Simon says, jump up. Come down."
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Fri Nov 09, 2012 3:04 am

♫ Trollin' trollin', trollin'...

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PureChance
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Re: Playing for Real

Post by PureChance » Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:45 pm

Hmm it clicked for me first time though, although I agree 'Bingo' would probably be better than 'Crap'. I enjoyed it :)
"Everything tricks, and everything cheats, and everything, everything, everything eats."

Drabblecast 146- Teddy Bears and Tea Parties by S. Boyd Taylor

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