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Buried

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:34 am
by DoctorBanzai
The corpse started to move. Slowly at first: just a few twitches of the fingers of one hand, then the other hand. The hands began to flutter, then the arms to shift and twitch. Eyes turned a milky white slowly opened, followed closely by the mouth. A ripping sound accompanied the opening of the toothy maw, as the stitches behind the lips were pulled open. No blood flowed from the new wounds.

The newly awakened corpse turned its head about, orienting itself to the new lease on life.

It tried to sit up, striking its head against the coffin lid.

Re: Buried

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:43 am
by strawman
BBBZZZZZTTTT!!!!!

Oh, I'm sorry, but you've run out of words before you told your story. This happens all the time. You get too into the details of reanimation, and never get past bumping the head in the coffin.

How about starting with bumping the head, and leave the previous stuff implied?
Our change it to , "And then he woke up."

Re: Buried

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:35 am
by PureChance
I get 100 off that? Unless it's already post edit.

I like it :)

Re: Buried

Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 12:02 am
by DoctorBanzai
Thanks to both of you.

I did get a bit carried away with the story, then realized it at about word # 115.

I'm happy you liked it PureChance!

Re: Buried

Posted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 6:10 pm
by gunsofchekhovia
I know I'm really late on this one, but I just wanted to say I love it.

Re: Buried

Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:57 am
by Belcast
Oh snap!