Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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MonsieurMoustache
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Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by MonsieurMoustache » Tue Jul 23, 2013 10:46 pm

Bed cold. No husband. Feet cold. Where’d the cat…?

Ronald’s suitcase was still in the closet. Clothes too.

Went outside. Found only people I never really cared for had been left behind.

Half the earth’s population gone - vanished in less than 60 seconds. An existence malfunction. Instant deterioration of presence. Gone with the astral wind.

Apocalypse? Ark? Aliens?

When I looked up at the sky, I wondered which one he saw. Did it have stars? More stars? Better stars? Preferable stars?

The pet snake doesn’t warm the bed like the cat did. But it doesn’t take up much space, either.


_____________________________________________

Tried something with a little different tone this time. Usually I end my drabbles with the literary equivalent of a double drum hit and a cymbal tap, but I tried to go for atmosphere and ambiguity this time....ehhh...I could use suggestions.

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Varda
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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by Varda » Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:43 pm

This is beautiful. I get a strong sense of ambivalence upon reading: if half the people vanish and half stay, who has it better off, really? Should you wish for the unknown, or mourn the fact that you weren't among the chosen? This combined with the thought that her husband may have chosen the improved stars over her... very bittersweet. There's no way of knowing; you just have to pick up the pieces, move on, and bond with the pet snake (I imagine it's a better cuddler than the cat, at least).

It's clear you've paid a lot of attention to word choice. I especially love "existence malfunction" and the bit about being left with a bunch of people the narrator doesn't care for. For me, that idea borders on nightmarish. Wasn't it Sartre who said that "hell is other people"?
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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by MonsieurMoustache » Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:11 am

Varda wrote:This is beautiful. I get a strong sense of ambivalence upon reading: if half the people vanish and half stay, who has it better off, really? Should you wish for the unknown, or mourn the fact that you weren't among the chosen? This combined with the thought that her husband may have chosen the improved stars over her... very bittersweet. There's no way of knowing; you just have to pick up the pieces, move on, and bond with the pet snake (I imagine it's a better cuddler than the cat, at least).

It's clear you've paid a lot of attention to word choice. I especially love "existence malfunction" and the bit about being left with a bunch of people the narrator doesn't care for. For me, that idea borders on nightmarish. Wasn't it Sartre who said that "hell is other people"?
I can't tell you how happy you've made me. I'm glad my intentions came across so clear and yet were deemed beautiful. As for the 'people'...well, Hell on Earth is certainly other people, at any rate. Unless there's a volcanic eruption, which I suppose does more literal justice to the phrase.

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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by strawman » Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:34 am

Varda wrote: being left with a bunch of people the narrator doesn't care for.
How about people the author doesn't care for? Image a place populated with characters that were cut from the plot of aspiring writers, who watch movies and cartoons made from spliced strips on the cutting room floor. People and ideas that didn't fit, weren't interesting enough or entertaining enough.

Damn, what a terrible idea.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

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Varda
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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by Varda » Wed Jul 24, 2013 1:00 am

strawman wrote:How about people the author doesn't care for? Image a place populated with characters that were cut from the plot of aspiring writers, who watch movies and cartoons made from spliced strips on the cutting room floor. People and ideas that didn't fit, weren't interesting enough or entertaining enough.

Damn, what a terrible idea.
:lol: I feel like this would, simultaneously, make an AWESOME novel plot and a TERRIBLE one. The Island of Misfit Plots.

'Fess up, everyone: what characters of yours would be in this unique Hell? I'm donating the entire cast of hippie terrorists who ran a bed-and-breakfast in an ill-fated subplot of my debauched youth. If you see 'em in Hell, I take full blame.
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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by MonsieurMoustache » Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:28 pm

Varda wrote:
strawman wrote:How about people the author doesn't care for? ...People and ideas that didn't fit, weren't interesting enough or entertaining enough.

Damn, what a terrible idea.
:lol: I feel like this would, simultaneously, make an AWESOME novel plot and a TERRIBLE one. The Island of Misfit Plots.

'Fess up, everyone: what characters of yours would be in this unique Hell? I'm donating the entire cast of hippie terrorists who ran a bed-and-breakfast in an ill-fated subplot of my debauched youth. If you see 'em in Hell, I take full blame.
There may be a couple of angsty teenagers with animal companions and grand destinies floating around in some shameful drawer of a younger self's work. Currently, I submit a talking wolf with father issues.

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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by Varda » Thu Jul 25, 2013 1:08 am

I suppose the truth would be far less interesting. Probably a world populated with everyone's Mary Sues and Gary Stus, which might be entertaining in its own right as all these author-ego-surrogates battle it out for the right to dominate the story. Kind of like the movie "Zoolander" but with a bunch of over-muscled teenage warrior Chosen Ones destined to save the world/universe/afterlife from the evil that arises every power-of-ten years. But of course, you can't be the Chosen One if someone else is stealing your thunder. Let the bloodbath ensue.

Yeah, I'd read that book.
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Re: Improved Stars (Relocation theme)

Post by strawman » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:13 am

Reject Hunger Games. Survivor to be minor character in upcoming novella.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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