Emergency Landing

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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DoctorBanzai
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Emergency Landing

Post by DoctorBanzai » Tue Aug 27, 2013 10:07 pm

I landed hard on the car’s roof, crushing it down until it was not much higher than the seats, glass exploded out from the rear and side windows. Unlike in the movies, the windshield did not shatter due to the plastic film between layers of glass. It did, however, buckle and fold in on itself.

Inside the car, where I had come to rest, I had taken a seated position on the remains of the roof and, turned to my right, opened the passenger door. I stepped out of the vehicle, crushing small pieces of glass beneath my booted feet.

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Thomas Daulton
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by Thomas Daulton » Wed Aug 28, 2013 5:59 pm

Heh! Would work great as a visual gag in some kind of superhero movie. As a stand-alone drabble, though, I'd like to know something more about the protagonist. Even a name would help me decide if this is just a panel from a superhero comic, or some kind of magic or sci-fi.
"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." --J.R.R. TOLKIEN

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Thomas Daulton
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by Thomas Daulton » Wed Aug 28, 2013 6:01 pm

On second reading, I guess the "booted feet" imply a superhero, but I think I'd still like a little more.
"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." --J.R.R. TOLKIEN

DoctorBanzai
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by DoctorBanzai » Wed Aug 28, 2013 7:39 pm

Thanks Thomas.

It is a Superhero tale, but mare intended as a starting point for a longer tals (as with Mermaid Sushi). This image has been percolating in my brain for a few weeks and I wanted to get it out in some format before it went away.

In reading it now, I do see that it needs mote too it. Hopefully it will work in the context of the longer story later.

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Flintknapper
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by Flintknapper » Wed Aug 28, 2013 7:54 pm

This one was well written, but it feels more like the description of a single action than as a story. In reading the comments, I can see how this is actually part of a larger piece. As a stand alone this one falls flat for me, but as part of a bigger piece it may work. I do get the superhero vibe, but Thomas it leaves me wanting more. Who is this person? Why did he crash land?

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gunsofchekhovia
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Thu Aug 29, 2013 5:17 am

Agree with the others that this needs more to be a story, but I also wanted to chime in and say that it's an excellent bit of descriptive prose, and makes me want to know why this is happening. Is this the end of a long fight? A super-powered evasive maneuver with appropriately little concern for other people's property?

I like it.

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Flintknapper
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by Flintknapper » Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:20 pm

Flintknapper wrote:This one was well written, but it feels more like the description of a single action than as a story. In reading the comments, I can see how this is actually part of a larger piece. As a stand alone this one falls flat for me, but as part of a bigger piece it may work. I do get the superhero vibe, but Thomas it leaves me wanting more. Who is this person? Why did he crash land?
Whoops... when I wrote the comment, I didn't notice the author. I apologize Bonzai... I called you Thomas.

DoctorBanzai
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Re: Emergency Landing

Post by DoctorBanzai » Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:19 pm

No Worries. I was not offended as I do not know your overall opinion of folks named Thomas. I assume they are good.

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