Rain Clatter

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ktrex
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Rain Clatter

Post by ktrex » Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:11 am

Mama says "It's just the rain". But I know better.

There's dragons up there. Not big ones, don't be silly. But the tiny ones. Sure, they got wings, they can fly, but they like the clatter of their nails on the tin roof. I kinda like it too. Sometimes, when the sky flashes, I can see them, out the corner of my eye. They're sneaky. I think they're kids, like me. The rumbling’s their Mama, saying it’s dinner time or somesuch.

Mama says I'm silly. But I know. Sometimes, you don't have to see things to know that they're there.


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Critiques welcome, I'm still new to this. :)

Edited: Added line breaks.
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Published Drabble: Wife of the Sea

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gunsofchekhovia
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Re: Rain Clatter

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:27 am

Welcome! Nice drabble!

I think it would read easier if you broke it into more than one paragraph. But the content is nice. We're used to drabbles with a twist at the end around here, but I loved the idea of little dragons who are amused by clacking their talons on a roof. Very cute.

ktrex
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Re: Rain Clatter

Post by ktrex » Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:30 am

Thanks! I'll mess around and see if I find a good spot to break it up.
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Published Drabble: Wife of the Sea

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strawman
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Re: Rain Clatter

Post by strawman » Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:46 am

Has a very nice and distinctive tone, which is normally overlooked in drabble writing. I especially like the ending. You can say that we usually have twist endings. But there is more than one way to twist, and that isn't any kind of rule for drabbles anyway. It would be like saying that humor usually has a soft, chewy pun center.

Around here that seems to be a prized flavor, but it ain't Twain. Sometimes you don't need to see things to know that they're there. :)
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Varda
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Re: Rain Clatter

Post by Varda » Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:16 am

Gorgeous little piece, Ktrex! No complaints on my end, just love. I'm going to have this in mind next time it rains. Reminded me a bit of a short story I read as a child, about a world where dragons ranged from microscopic to massive in size.

Agreed with Strawman that this piece has a very strong, distinctive narrative voice as well. Well done and welcome!
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Cwpants
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Re: Rain Clatter

Post by Cwpants » Sat Sep 14, 2013 8:17 pm

I really enjoyed reading this. I loved the childlike voice. The image of tiny dragons on the tin roof...just lovely! :)
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