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Fine Dining

Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 6:48 pm
by ROU Killing Time
Renowned brain researcher Luigi Schrank continued on in death as he had in life.

He thoughtfully regarded and noted the details of the folds and crevices of the delicate organs laid bare as his subjects lay comfortably sedate in their surgical halos. Their carefully removed craniums rested on the tables above their heads.

Becoming undead might have upset him more if it hadn't allowed him to assuage his guilt at not following in his father's footsteps as a restaurateur.

He switched on the neon sign of "Luigi's Fine Zombie Cuisine" and led his patrons shuffling towards the glistening grey-pink buffet.

Re: Dinnertime

Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:38 am
by Phenopath
I liked the "glistening grey-pink buffet".

A couple of lines need a little tweak to improve the flow, although you never have much room for maneuver with the 100 word contraint.

Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:52 am
by ROU Killing Time
I agree needs tweaking, but I just knocked this one off the top of my head... <ducks, sorry>

I was also thinking a better title might be "Brain Food" with the start giving the impression it was about cyber-punking until the turn at the end.

I dunno, what do you think?

Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:23 pm
by strawman
I think you ought to expand it from a drabble to a story about an entrepreneurial zombie who gets an SBA loan to start a little corner fast-brain stand, and ends up taking the franchise public and retiring to Palm Beach.

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:26 pm
by ROU Killing Time
Sounds like the "brain-buffet" seems to be the nugget that might be worth salvaging.

Love the idea of the entrepreneurial zombie. Smacks of a slight twist on McLean's "Cheap Labor." but without the voodoo priest middleman running the show.

And I'm all for it. Let's stop keeping the zombieproletariat down and encourage this sort of boot-strapping self-actualization among our unliving brethren.

Power to the zombies, right on...

Fine Dining

Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:34 pm
by ROU Killing Time
<author's note: Thx to Strawman for his suggestions on improving the original drabble. I think you really helped me nail this one on the head.>

*****
"Fine Dining"

Renowned brain researcher Luigi Schrank continued on in death as he had in life.

He thoughtfully regarded and noted the details of the folds and crevices of the delicate organs laid bare as his subjects lay comfortably sedate in their surgical halos. Their carefully removed craniums rested on the tables above their heads.

Becoming undead might have upset him more if it hadn't allowed him to assuage his guilt at not following in his father's footsteps as a restaurateur.

He switched on the neon sign of "Luigi's Fine Zombie Cuisine" and led his patrons shuffling towards the glistening grey-pink buffet.

Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:45 am
by Phenopath
Illustration spotted on reddit... a bathtub full of brains (context http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/90 ... of_brains/)

... I feel quite ill now.

[edit: changed link to point to reddit comments since on reflection quite revolting :-)]

Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:57 pm
by tbaker2500
Good stuff, ROU!