This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stories)

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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gunsofchekhovia
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This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stories)

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:47 am

I seen 'em at the mall. 'Bout thirty-five of 'em, bald heads, black turtlenecks. We didn't think nothin' of it.

That is, until they hanged the mall Santa, right there in the middle of the mall, for everybody to see. Police said they couldn't arrest 'em, somethin' about freedom of speech.

After that, ever' damn house in town with Christmas lights, they burned 'em down. Lef' a li'l sign in the yard, said, “Happy Holidays,” and a bad cuss word.

You may find my red, white, and blue Christmas tree humorous, but I have not forgotten the War on Christmas.

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Varda
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by Varda » Fri Dec 20, 2013 2:57 pm

Hmm. Eeeenteresting. I'm trying to figure out if this is a reference to something particular, or if the bald guys are just generic Walter White-style Christmas terrorists.

Would the Guns behind the curtain care to fill me in? :)
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:12 pm

I just pictured them as generic, young, Christmas-hating atheist types. Wearing turtlenecks and having neither hair nor hats, they are the antithesis of everything the narrator's America stands for, and they are responsible for the War on Christmas.

(It's satire.)

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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by strawman » Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:31 pm

The whole Christmas=Santa Claus & reindeer thing is the war against Christmas. So I'm not offended.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward y'all.
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:43 pm

strawman, I agree completely. The complete and utter commercialization of Christmas is far more damaging to it, in my opinion, than someone telling me "Happy Holidays." But my grandfather would probably disagree.

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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:13 pm

strawman wrote:The whole Christmas=Santa Claus & reindeer thing is the war against Christmas. So I'm not offended.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward y'all.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by Varda » Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:17 pm

Count me a 3rd in the anti-commercialism camp. I actually like it when businesses use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", because I feel less like someone is trying to use the sacred to get me to buy more crap. For me, there's something horrifying about a nativity juxtaposed with SALE SALE SALE.

Peace, my friends, whatever you're celebrating. :)
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by strawman » Fri Dec 20, 2013 6:01 pm

ROU Killing Time wrote: Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.
13 more characters, ROU! You can do it!
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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will write for beer
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by will write for beer » Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:20 pm

When I was younger, I didn't mind Christmas. But after six years of working retail (during and after college), I grew to dislike it with the tepidness of a warm bowl of spit.

Nice drabble, btw.
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:24 pm

strawman wrote:
ROU Killing Time wrote: And The Grinch?
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.
13 more characters, ROU! You can do it!
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by strawman » Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:37 pm

FTW!!!
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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ROU Killing Time
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Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Dec 20, 2013 11:32 pm

strawman wrote:FTW!!!
Seuss goes alongside Aesop and Homer in my book.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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