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This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stories)

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:47 am
by gunsofchekhovia
I seen 'em at the mall. 'Bout thirty-five of 'em, bald heads, black turtlenecks. We didn't think nothin' of it.

That is, until they hanged the mall Santa, right there in the middle of the mall, for everybody to see. Police said they couldn't arrest 'em, somethin' about freedom of speech.

After that, ever' damn house in town with Christmas lights, they burned 'em down. Lef' a li'l sign in the yard, said, “Happy Holidays,” and a bad cuss word.

You may find my red, white, and blue Christmas tree humorous, but I have not forgotten the War on Christmas.

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 2:57 pm
by Varda
Hmm. Eeeenteresting. I'm trying to figure out if this is a reference to something particular, or if the bald guys are just generic Walter White-style Christmas terrorists.

Would the Guns behind the curtain care to fill me in? :)

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:12 pm
by gunsofchekhovia
I just pictured them as generic, young, Christmas-hating atheist types. Wearing turtlenecks and having neither hair nor hats, they are the antithesis of everything the narrator's America stands for, and they are responsible for the War on Christmas.

(It's satire.)

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:31 pm
by strawman
The whole Christmas=Santa Claus & reindeer thing is the war against Christmas. So I'm not offended.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward y'all.

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:43 pm
by gunsofchekhovia
strawman, I agree completely. The complete and utter commercialization of Christmas is far more damaging to it, in my opinion, than someone telling me "Happy Holidays." But my grandfather would probably disagree.

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:13 pm
by ROU Killing Time
strawman wrote:The whole Christmas=Santa Claus & reindeer thing is the war against Christmas. So I'm not offended.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward y'all.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 4:17 pm
by Varda
Count me a 3rd in the anti-commercialism camp. I actually like it when businesses use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", because I feel less like someone is trying to use the sacred to get me to buy more crap. For me, there's something horrifying about a nativity juxtaposed with SALE SALE SALE.

Peace, my friends, whatever you're celebrating. :)

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 6:01 pm
by strawman
ROU Killing Time wrote: Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.
13 more characters, ROU! You can do it!

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:20 pm
by will write for beer
When I was younger, I didn't mind Christmas. But after six years of working retail (during and after college), I grew to dislike it with the tepidness of a warm bowl of spit.

Nice drabble, btw.

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:24 pm
by ROU Killing Time
strawman wrote:
ROU Killing Time wrote: And The Grinch?
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.
13 more characters, ROU! You can do it!

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:37 pm
by strawman
FTW!!!

Re: This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stor

Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 11:32 pm
by ROU Killing Time
strawman wrote:FTW!!!
Seuss goes alongside Aesop and Homer in my book.