I grew weary of living in my youth, but refused both rope and razor; I am not so common as that.
It has taken three decades and the entirety of my family fortune to plan my suicide, and the moment is finally at hand. My departure from this meaningless life will be suitably grand; a farewell befitting someone of my brilliance and stature.
The metanuclear devices I've created and installed in so many locations across the globe will be activated the moment I push this button. Now.
The ground trembles and quakes. The atmosphere begins to burn.
Goodbye, cruel world.
I'm Phineas Q. Picklefeather, and I approve this message.