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Something Funny Walks This Way

Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 2:24 pm
by Hellcat
Sherbet the burlesque clown ran for his life, chased by two blurry figures cackling in the night. There was little hope for escape, as his opaque make-up streams down his face onto the pavement leaving a steady white trail behind him.

Suddenly the shadows become solid and bore down on his throat and wrists. One of them stops and furiously spits out Sherbet's hot blood. "Adrian, don't ingest its blood!" but it was too late for his friend. His nose blooms red and spherical, his hair frizzes bright orange whilst his feet rupture his leather shoes. He had become...a Were-Clown.

Re: Something Funny Walks This Way

Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:06 am
by JoshPeters
I like it but the story flips between past and present tense.

Beware of clowns.

Re: Something Funny Walks This Way

Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 10:40 pm
by Hellcat
Do you think should I make the beginning more present to make it flow better? Or make it all in the past?

Re: Something Funny Walks This Way

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 10:17 pm
by JoshPeters
It could work either way but it would flow best if you went with one or the other.

Re: Something Funny Walks This Way

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:57 am
by strawman
Isn't the beginning usually in the past?

Re: Something Funny Walks This Way

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 5:39 pm
by JoshPeters
Only when you get to the future.