The Walk Home

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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unreliable narrator
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The Walk Home

Post by unreliable narrator » Mon Sep 29, 2014 2:40 pm

Although it was late I decided to take a shortcut home through the park. It was poorly lit but seemed deserted so I had no qualms as I turned down the path and headed west. I had walked maybe a few hundred yards when I sensed something and stopped. To my right lay an open playing field, in the centre of which, a figure stood motionless staring up at the night sky. Its head turned slowly towards me, our eyes locked, and the menace of that moment was trapped in my memory like an ant in amber.

Then I ran.
"We shall see that at which dogs howl in the dark, and that at which cats prick up their ears after midnight."
HP Lovecraft

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MonsieurMoustache
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Re: The Walk Home

Post by MonsieurMoustache » Mon Sep 29, 2014 6:10 pm

A very nice moment. I like these drabbles which tell stories of moments. It reminds me of those stories people tell when they've hardly a story at all - just a moment or two in their lives they can't fully explain.

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strawman
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Re: The Walk Home

Post by strawman » Tue Sep 30, 2014 1:36 am

I agree.
However, the last line reminds me of "Then I woke up". Going from memory trap to running is kinda, IDK, "nonorganic". I'd prefer something like "The menace of that moment was fixed in my memory like an ant in amber, while I ran."
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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unseentangerine
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Re: The Walk Home

Post by unseentangerine » Tue Sep 30, 2014 5:41 am

:lol: I think, "And I ran." is gooder. anyone who has read my scrawlings knows I like to begin with And. But really, any opportunity to quoth Flock of Seagulls, right?
Many on the forum have asked me, so here's my answer: a spoonful of lighter fluid. And you'll need to wash it out really well when you're done.

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unreliable narrator
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Re: The Walk Home

Post by unreliable narrator » Tue Sep 30, 2014 1:40 pm

Thanks for your comments guys. All practical criticism welcome. I'm new to Drabbling and hopefully learning as I go! :)
"We shall see that at which dogs howl in the dark, and that at which cats prick up their ears after midnight."
HP Lovecraft

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