I am a pallid parody of my former self; I know not how this happened.
I now spend my time watching others, especially family and friends who are going about their everyday lives. They do not know that I watch. If they did, I suspect they would be frightened. Their lives seem so much more real than mine, more substantial. The joy that I see in them, I cannot feel in myself. I wander, empty and restless, from one to another, seeking what I have lost. When did I lose the joy of living? ...Perhaps it was when I died.