A knock at the door

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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plasticastle
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A knock at the door

Post by plasticastle » Thu Oct 23, 2014 10:25 am

Often I hear a knock on the door. I’ve never really bothered to get up and find out who it is.
Terrance says that I should just ignore it and whoever it is will eventually get bored and go away.
“Just one of those Jehovah's Witnesses” he says
“Up to no good, here to bible bash us into submission, the bastards. Get back to your cleaning”
I don’t know what a jehovah witness is, but as a rule I agree with everything Terrance says.
I’ve been scrubbing Joanne out of the floorboards for weeks.
She always was the outspoken type.
Seriously though, my drabble is up there

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pondspider
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by pondspider » Thu Oct 23, 2014 2:52 pm

Slightly confused at the ending... :?

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strawman
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by strawman » Thu Oct 23, 2014 9:32 pm

When Terrance says, "Shut up", you better damn well get back to cleaning.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

SpareInch
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by SpareInch » Thu Oct 23, 2014 9:47 pm

strawman wrote:When Terrance says, "Shut up", you better damn well get back to cleaning.
It's like Simon Says, but with CONSEQUENCES!
The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

plasticastle
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by plasticastle » Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:05 am

pondspider wrote:Slightly confused at the ending... :?
Now you've got me questioning it myself! Am open to edits, what part makes it confusing?
Seriously though, my drabble is up there

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pondspider
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by pondspider » Fri Oct 24, 2014 9:13 am

plasticastle wrote:
pondspider wrote:Slightly confused at the ending... :?
Now you've got me questioning it myself! Am open to edits, what part makes it confusing?
The lines that had me confused:
I’ve been scrubbing Joanne out of the floorboards for weeks.
She always was the outspoken type.
I think I have it now... give me time, my brain cells are a little slow on the uptake sometimes. :roll:

:?: Would I be right in thinking that Joanne was a former lackey of Terrance?

But why does it take weeks to scrub her out of the floorboards? Did she have indelible body fluids or something? :|

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strawman
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by strawman » Fri Oct 24, 2014 10:56 am

Out, damn Spot!
So it happens with puppies too.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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unreliable narrator
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by unreliable narrator » Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:47 pm

I really like the ambiguity of this one, it makes you think about the possible relationships between the characters. I took it that the narrator and Joanne were perhaps Terrance's daughters, that the police or social services were hammering on the door, and that it took so long to clean the floorboards because of the dramatic nature of Joanne's demise... I coud be way off, that's kind of why I like the story.

Nice job! :D
"We shall see that at which dogs howl in the dark, and that at which cats prick up their ears after midnight."
HP Lovecraft

plasticastle
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by plasticastle » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:26 am

pondspider wrote:
plasticastle wrote:
pondspider wrote:Slightly confused at the ending... :?
Now you've got me questioning it myself! Am open to edits, what part makes it confusing?
The lines that had me confused:
I’ve been scrubbing Joanne out of the floorboards for weeks.
She always was the outspoken type.
I think I have it now... give me time, my brain cells are a little slow on the uptake sometimes. :roll:

:?: Would I be right in thinking that Joanne was a former lackey of Terrance?

But why does it take weeks to scrub her out of the floorboards? Did she have indelible body fluids or something? :|
You got it :)
I wanted the two girls to be either hostages/forced wives/daughters (take your pick)
Joanne was spread pretty thinly in a lot of places.
I got a few other people to read it to test, it was a 60/40 split so I think i'm going to re-write it later. Thanks for your comments.
Seriously though, my drabble is up there

plasticastle
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by plasticastle » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:26 am

unreliable narrator wrote:I really like the ambiguity of this one, it makes you think about the possible relationships between the characters. I took it that the narrator and Joanne were perhaps Terrance's daughters, that the police or social services were hammering on the door, and that it took so long to clean the floorboards because of the dramatic nature of Joanne's demise... I coud be way off, that's kind of why I like the story.

Nice job! :D
Thanks man, glad you enjoyed it :)
Seriously though, my drabble is up there

plasticastle
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by plasticastle » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:30 am

strawman wrote:Out, damn Spot!
So it happens with puppies too.
Dang son! that's pretty dark! XD
Thinking that it might not be a good thing to be a puppy in the strawman house or the Macbeths.
Come to think of it, being a four legged anything in the Macbeth household is probably a bad idea.
Seriously though, my drabble is up there

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PB&Jellyphish320
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by PB&Jellyphish320 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:41 pm

aaaahh... Johann got bible bashed. Had to read it twice but I got it.
~ What's that in the mirror, or the corner of your eyes. What's those footsteps following but never passing by . . .

~ The Doctor

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swamp
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Re: A knock at the door

Post by swamp » Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:37 pm

This was a good one to read on Halloween.

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