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Viewpoint

Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 2:52 am
by Sunner
For many hours, I watched the tide of battle turn, time and time again. The ebb and flow washing the dead up the hillside where I lay. I watched as batteries of cannon fired back and forth ferociously, sending me a hundred more compatriots from men who, moments before, were mortal enemies. The cause for which I fought faded from my memory. The dead of one side lay alongside those of the other as if, in the end, they have become fast friends. That was the last I saw before the carrion crow plucked the eyes from my upturned face.

Re: Viewpoint

Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 5:25 am
by arachnophile
Nice. Minor technical point, though: might want to maintain consistent verb tense. You start in past, bounce to present, then back to past. Otherwise, solid.

Re: Viewpoint

Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 1:54 pm
by Sunner
Thanks, edited.

Re: Viewpoint

Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 4:35 pm
by KateZiervogel
Also like this one. Unsettling and yet somehow pretty.