Long time listener, first time poster:
I lie dead, my skin furrowed and creased. I'm powerless to move--as always--as I'm lifted from my pit, a languid and miasmic sea of others like me. My limbs hang from me limp and unable to resist. As I reach the peak of my ascent I'm bundled with a dozen other chosen ones. There is a creaking and slamming. I am unfurled and fat appendages slide into all my orifices and throughout me. My skin is stretched taught to the point of being rended when I hear a shrill, ghastly exclamation: "O-M-G Susan! It's gorgeous on you! And %40 off!"