Mr. Mittens’ Transformation

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
Raziel281
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Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:18 pm

Mr. Mittens’ Transformation

Postby Raziel281 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:19 pm

Mr. Mittens stared out of the window at the stars. For generations, his ancestor’s had used their gift…their curse…to help mankind foresee pending disasters. His back arched as muscles bulged and his claws torn into the window dressings as he was unable to suppress a yowl of pain. Only in this primitive state was Mr. Mittens able to call on the power to predict the future… It was a nightmare of blood and pain descending on his beloved pet human. He must let him know! He transferred the message into the ancient form of feline communication…he puked up a hairball.

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MonsieurMoustache
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Joined: Tue May 28, 2013 8:11 pm

Re: Mr. Mittens’ Transformation

Postby MonsieurMoustache » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:37 am

Ha! Fun. I like it. I think it might be more effective if you added paragraph breaks. I know it's short, but it would help add 'beats' so that you read through at a certain pace. Like telling a joke - you can't shout it out in one breath. How about this? (I shortened a run-on sentence so you'd have to recount for 100 words.)

Mr. Mittens stared out of the window at the stars. For generations, his ancestor’s had used their gift…their curse…to help mankind foresee pending disasters.

His back arched - muscles bulged - claws tore into the window dressings! He was unable to suppress a yowl of pain. Only in this primitive state was Mr. Mittens able to call on the power to predict the future… It was a nightmare of blood and pain descending on his beloved pet human. He must let him know!

He transferred the message into the ancient form of feline communication by...

Puking up a hairball.


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