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Feature: On the Vinegar Valves of Venus
by Frank KeyWednesday, December 19th, 2012Monsignor’s Log, stardate the Millennium Feast of Saints Blot & Cugat…
It was a very special day, so I wore the least tatty of my vestments. The chasuble is only slightly frayed, the stains on the cincture have faded, the alb, granted, is little better than a rag. I cannot get the grease out of the amice, and the stole is in tatters. The less said about the maniple the better. But by adjusting the lighting so it played through the cobwebs I think only the sharpest-eyed of congregants will have noticed. I did my best to disguise the stink by spraying the chapel with an aerosol can of Essence of Blood of the Lamb. It was decocted, of course, not from the real blood of a real lamb, but from chemical compounds manufactured in the lab by boffins. I have seen pictures of so-called “real” lambs in a codex. They look like tinier versions of sheep, if, that is, they were drawn to scale. Who knows?
Art by Bo Kaier
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Rock! Great story, some excellent turns of phrase in this one.
You're my quasi-ichthian angel, you're my half-amphibian queen...The Dribblecast
, we don't care if you sound like an idiot.
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As with most Frank Key stories, this one is somehow both fun and hard to wrap my head around. He's a warped invidual, he is. He belongs here!
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