Dear sir or madam,
This is your Creator. I gave you life, food, water and everything you love about life. Everything you hate about life was made a former employee of mine, whose employment was promptly terminated. That being said I have an offer for you and you alone.
As you may or may not know the Rapture is fastly approaching. Because I am all knowing, I see that you have not yet begun to make plans. You don’t want to go into eternity unprepared, do you? Due to unforeseen low enrollment, we have extra rooms in Heaven. That’s right, and we are offering these rooms to you and your loved ones. No strings attached. All we ask is that you make a very small, infinitesimal deposit of ten thousand dollars to show that you are interested. I assure you that it is entirely refundable upon arrival. (Restrictions apply).
Act fast, this offer will only be valid for three days, then we will be forced to make this amazing, once in a lifetime offer to someone else. What are you waiting for? If you miss this chance, you will spend the rest of eternity walking the desolate earth with the rest of the non-believers.
p.s. Please forward this email to anyone you care enough about to save.
"Give us all some Jelly"