Windup

[normsherman]

Dear Sir or Madam:

I bow before you.

I have in time participated in many successful efforts in businesses to acquire money. However, I now find myself in a state of awe before your countrymen, and realize that it is my humble self who needs be the student in this instance. I seek your most kind help in this endeavor.

I am referring of course to the success in acquiring from many World Banking Centers – even from the Swiss, praise God!! – vast sums which you will never pay back. I have read in many Prominent Magazines that you have gained as much as Three Trillion dollars using CDO’s, sub-prime mortgage backed securities, credit-default swaps and other devices. Beside such success, I must consider myself the most lowly-ranked amateur.

Therefore, could you please assist me at your earliest convenience to meet with any of the following: Mister Ken Lewis of the Bank of America; Mister Robert Willumstad, formerly of AIG; or Mister Stan O’Neal, formerly of the former Merrill Lynch. I would also be most joyful to meet with anyone from the Organization “Citigroup.” I understand that even now, this organization is receiving money from the Chinese through means of something called a “Treasury Bill.”

I feel that if I could dine with my eyes upon such men for even the space of a few hours, I would acquire knowledge that would allow me to be in comfort all my days.

To facilitate your expenses in arranging this meeting, I will send to you my bank account information. I realize that I am taking a risk in doing this, but I am risking only my life savings, and given your countrymen’s prowess in these matters, you will probably acquire it anyway.

With blessings,

Anawa Achebo
Lagos, Nigeria

[Mr. Tweedy]

Win.

It doesn't technically qualify, though, since the recipient's money is never at risk. On the other hand, it would confuse the brains right out of their skull.

[strawman]

Dear Mr. Achebo,
Geithner's the guy you want. The other guys are strawmen. But be prepared to respond to the 3 critical test questions:
"Are you too big to fail?"
"Are you a member of the UAW?" and
"Are you the president's half brother?"
If yes, then Salaam aleikem.
-BO