Scraptor vs. Armourdillo vs. Sharkitraz vs. Pandemic

AynSavoy
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Post by AynSavoy » Sun Aug 24, 2008 7:18 pm

I want to hear from the silent forces behind the Sharkitraz votes.
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Post by normsherman » Sun Aug 24, 2008 9:08 pm

I've given Sharkitraz a couple but I'm leaning toward the dillo/panda now.
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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:01 pm

Scraptor, I tell you! Scraptor is superior!

Armourdillo will be totally freaked out by him. He's an extinct creature animated by cybernetics: Both aspects of his nature will appear as witchcraft to our medieval warrior. The laser will surely put the fear of sorcery into him, even if its power if weak. Plus he's fast, and Armourdillo is lumbering. Scraptor can just dance around his blows, blind him with the laser and wait for him to slip up or tire. Armourdillo won't be a pushover, but Scraptor should be able to beat him, especially since he will get weaker over time due to Pandemic's influence.

Scraptor beats Pandemic. As I explained already, I think Scraptor is immune to the gradual weakening brought on by Pandemic, which leave Pandemic able to attack only with his bodily fluids. But Scraptor doesn't have to get close because he has the laser. He can take his time blasting the furry menace over and over and over again until he's just a heap of sterilized charcoal.

Sharkatraz... Actually, Sharkatraz could probably beat him... They're both good brawlers, both fast, but Sharkatraz would have an advantage in that his "convict spirits in a shark body" back-story is so nonsensical that it might fry Scaprtor's circuits. But it's quite likely that Sharky will have taken some serious damage from the other two, neither of which he has much defense against, so he probably won't come into the fight at 100%.

Scraptor's the beast, I say.
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Post by tbaker2500 » Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:08 pm

AynSavoy wrote:I agree that Armourdillo is a really strong competitor, but I'll make the argument for Pandemic that he's so gross that the other competitors would just as soon not touch him. They'll stay away from him as long as they can, fighting each down until only one (Armourdillo) remains. Armourdillo is, at that point, weakened from both battle and exposure via proximity to Pandemic. Then it only takes a few good bouts of projectile vomiting (the vomit can leak under armor, of course) to take out the 'dillo.

Man, I was about to eat lunch, but I don't know anymore...
Good argument. But what about Scraptor's "laser"? That's a long range attack that Pandemic is too slow to avoid, plus also keeps Scraptor out of infection range.
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laser

Post by StalinSays » Mon Aug 25, 2008 1:08 am

People seem to be zoning in on the laser... has this addition proved the competition's undoing?

Laser proof techniques:

Sharkitraz can 'swim' underground, he's covered for his approach. Scraptor can evade with superior quickness, cat and mouse about for hours, blast the exposed dorsal to bits, but prolonged cowardice will not a round win. Sooner or later it must get close, and the bigger (and in this scenario more aggressive) Sharkitraz goes prison yard on em.'

I'd bet Armourdillo is pretty impervious to the beam's sting. It'll have him spooked for a spell, but nothing lasts forever. Minute laser pointer sized wounds across his rippling physique won't stop 'dillo from eventually cornering his foe and cutting him down to size. If he really needs to, 'dillo could chop down some trees and form a corral.

Pandemic has the hardest time. His feverishly high body temperature will make him a big red X on Scraptor's thermal scans, and range is an obvious issue. If I'm allowed some wiggle room here, I forward the possibility that the master of ailments could self-induce hypothermia in order to drop off Scraptor's radar (assuming he's that clever). At that point, it's time to lay traps. A pretty hefty barf slicks could trip up the cagey carnivore, and once it's prone it's the old sicken and sneak for the gutless win.

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Post by tbaker2500 » Mon Aug 25, 2008 2:12 am

No, remember the limitations on the laser. 1 shot every 10 second, and each shot does no more damage than an average bite. Also remember this is a gas-laser, making the glass lasing chamber breakable upon heavy impact.

Sharkatraz is going to be hard to hit more than once or twice with the laser. Anybody who's tried to fire a laser long distances knows that is is very, very hard to hit something. 1 shot every 10 second removes the "spray and pray" method. I see Sharky maybe getting a hole through his dorsal fin before getting within biting range of Scraptor. At which point, I still suspect Sharkatraz has the upper hand.

The only way I see the laser hurting Armourdillo is if you successfully blind his second eye.

Pandemic needs to be smart regardless of who he's up against. I agree with your techniques.

No, the laser is the only thing giving Scraptor a chance, IMHO.

I think the voting is reflecting the balanced nature of this round. I am having a hard time deciding who I like on this one.

Ok, if they're pretty balanced, let's look at how I like them.
I don't like Pandemic. I mean, he'd be kinda hard to invite to a party.
Scraptor is cool. The fun, athletic, "let's make a movie about him" kinda guy.
Armourdillo is a tank, and pretty boring. I mean, you just can't get close to the guy. He seems to have an emotional shell.
Sharkatraz is clearly the villain. But is he a likable villain, or just a nasty brute?
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Post by strawman » Mon Aug 25, 2008 2:56 am

Ya'll just are in total denial about the outcome of biological warfare. The ability to spew billions of viral agents, to infect your enemy so that if your opponent's blood is spilled, HIS blood is infectious. And although it might not be as fast-acting as an axe to the forehead, there is no cure and no vaccine. Tell me, what is the way out of that?
Unless you can double-bag Pandemic in a prophylactic biohazard container and encase him in cement, everyone dies. I'm surprised Bo isn't running a fever just from the artwork.
C'mon people!
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Post by tbaker2500 » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:02 am

strawman wrote:Ya'll just are in total denial about the outcome of biological warfare. The ability to spew billions of viral agents, to infect your enemy so that if your opponent's blood is spilled, HIS blood is infectious. And although it might not be as fast-acting as an axe to the forehead, there is no cure and no vaccine. Tell me, what is the way out of that?
Unless you can double-bag Pandemic in a prophylactic biohazard container and encase him in cement, everyone dies. I'm surprised Bo isn't running a fever just from the artwork.
C'mon people!
Ok, so Pandemic kills everyone every time, but also gets killed. So nobody wins round 3?

I see what you are saying, it just doesn't make a very good story.
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Post by jonathancg » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:45 am

So Sharkitraz, who's uncontrollably excited by blood, is drawn to Paendemic, who has the black plague, necrotic flesh, the flesh-eating virus, and other nasty "bleeding bugs" and bites a chunk (or multiple chunks) off said walking disease hulk, killing each other in the process through massive blood loss on his target leading to his own ingestion of fast-acting diseases.

That leaves dillo and scraptor. Scraptor goes twitchy by the very virtue of being in combat with all these freaky critters, and Armourdillo uses that to his advantage. Armourdillo can make several mistakes in melee and survive against Scraptor, but he only needs Scraptor to make one.

My vote goes for a very bloodied, but resolute, Armourdillo. But I could easily see Scraptor pulling it off, Phelps-style, at the last second.
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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Mon Aug 25, 2008 4:06 am

Okay, I just thought of something that seems obvious but didn't occur to me until just now. Sharkaraz is a shark, right? Sharks are A.) ravenous and B.) stupid. I mean, you toss rotting fish guts in the water and sharks say "Mm! Rotting guts! I think I will go eat that."

As soon as the round starts, Sharkatraz is going to get a whiff of Pandemic and say "Mm! Rotting, diseased meat! I think I will go eat that." He takes off and does a flying leap, grips Pandemic's head in his gaping maw, rips it clean off and swallows it in one gulp. He then turns and begins to messily devour the bloated corpse... and keels over from food poisoning. The nasty mess that was Sharkatraz and Pandemic melts under the influence of the Pandemic bacteria into a horrible Pool of Pestilence.

I really think that's just logically what would happen. Sharkatraz and Pandemic are like electron and positron.

Now Armourdillo and Scraptor go at it. I already said I think Scraptor would win, but it would be a long, tough fight. I picture it being like the battle with the cave troll if Fellowship of the Ring. Armourdillo takes a massive beating, but his more nimble adversary eventually takes him down through speed and tenacity. I don't see the laser as causing any real damage to Armourdillo, but it could certainly be used to cause temporary blindness, which would be a great advantage to Scraptor.

Scraptor would win unless... Armourdillo is Medieval, right? So he must know all about pestilence, but that's something the cyber-dino has no experience with. If Armourdillo plans it right, he just might be able to fetch Scraptor a blow that flings him right into that Pool of Pestilence that was created earlier. Barring that, he could scoop up some Pestilence with a branch of with his battle axe and smear it on his foe. Risky, but it just might work.
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Post by strawman » Mon Aug 25, 2008 1:10 pm

tbaker2500 wrote:
strawman wrote:Ya'll just are in total denial about the outcome of biological warfare. The ability to spew billions of viral agents, to infect your enemy so that if your opponent's blood is spilled, HIS blood is infectious. And although it might not be as fast-acting as an axe to the forehead, there is no cure and no vaccine. Tell me, what is the way out of that?
Unless you can double-bag Pandemic in a prophylactic biohazard container and encase him in cement, everyone dies. I'm surprised Bo isn't running a fever just from the artwork.
C'mon people!
Ok, so Pandemic kills everyone every time, but also gets killed. So nobody wins round 3?

I see what you are saying, it just doesn't make a very good story.
I'd like to say that to Al Gore.

And to the notion that Sharkitraz can act as a double-bag biohazard prophylactic, you get points for imagination. But you don't need to wait for rising sea levels from melting icecaps to reproduce Crimson. Contaminated groundwater will kill all life on the battleground, possibly including strange spectators such as ourselves. I say, with Al Gore, sirs, that Deniers only invite the approaching global catastrophe. We are a nation addicted to Super Animal Death Match Competitions. Verily, Bread and Games! And so you imagined Pandemic into existence, whose Mighty Spew cannot be contained, but spills forth like James T. Kirk into William Shatner, on a viral mission that will take it to Atlanta and DragonCon, and beyond.

All you cared about was making a good story. But all it cares about is the Last Chapter, in which a world of viruses lives happily ever after.

Need I add, "Bwaa haa haa!"
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man...

Post by StalinSays » Mon Aug 25, 2008 6:48 pm

Dude, if it was possible for my head-babies to kick down the fourth wall, and 'Last Action Hero' their way in to our world, we'd be dead already. Pandemic is the cataclysm Bird-Flu has a lipstick smooched poster of in its bedroom. Continents at a time, continents at a time.

The end of the competition is like smooshing the curvature of space-time on to a single point, and letting it un-crumple to startling effect. All that was before is erased, and there is a single, hateful new entity standing on a battlefield all tidy and fresh, like Mister Clean took a two year sabbatical just to make it presentable. No round to round repercussions.

There is no worries of a Pandemic stalemate, so banish that thought people. His perverted anatomy "flawlessly sustains body function," even though ebola and cancer are thumb-wrestling just beneath the surface. To die, he must be killed by a third party, straight-up. And yes, as has been pointed out, that's likely a kamikaze mission.

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Post by strawman » Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:53 pm

O, the Humanity!
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Post by jonathancg » Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:34 am

Sharkitaz is in the fight, therefore Pandemic is hosed. Doesn't matter if he's carrying enough pathogens to attract the attention of both Dennis Hoffman and Cuba Gooding, Jr. He's still toast.
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rage

Post by StalinSays » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:50 pm

I'm raging against the half-machine, with a little help from my friends. One panda, no cups, 12 votes.

Sharkitraz is floating belly up right now. There's no love out there for the prison fish?

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Re: rage

Post by tbaker2500 » Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:05 pm

StalinSays wrote:I'm raging against the half-machine, with a little help from my friends. One panda, no cups, 12 votes.

Sharkitraz is floating belly up right now. There's no love out there for the prison fish?
Do sharks eat diseased flesh? Or do the like fresh stuff. Any shark experts out there?
If they don't eat diseased flesh, that gives him more of a chance.
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uh oh

Post by StalinSays » Tue Aug 26, 2008 11:40 pm

Wow, the first result of a search on 'shark eating habits'

"Tiger sharks are called the trash cans of the sea because they eat anything. Tiger sharks are ecologically important predators of sea turtles and sea snakes. Sharks usually eat only slow, ill or sick prey."

So yeah, Adam was with iron and on his game on the Podcast. I mean, we can rationalize that Sharkitraz is more white shark than tiger (it's mentioned as sized like a white in the description), but that's of little consolation. Look like he's gonna eat death early.

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Post by tastycakes » Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:39 pm

I just want to throw my two cents in and point out that Sharkatraz has a lower-back tattoo, aka, tramp stamp, and don't even start me on the tribal band around his arm. I think those factors should immediately dissuade anyone taking Sharkatraz as a serious threat in this round.

If you look carefully, you might even see a butterfly stamped near his nether-region.
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Post by AynSavoy » Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:45 pm

*high fives Tastycakes*
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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:15 pm

I also noticed the tramp stamp.

I figured it must be from a female serial killer who was temporarily housed in Alcatraz, leaving her evil killer chick vibes to contribute to Sharkatraz's overall badness.

Of course, a woman with that background probably wouldn't need a tramp stamp to prove her baditude... Yeah. I think Sharkitraz is a poser.
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