Hellaphant vs. Squid Vicious vs. Lucifoul vs. Evisceraptor

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Hellaphant vs. Squid Vicious vs. Lucifoul vs. Evisceraptor

Post by normsherman » Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:38 pm

IT'S THE FINALS COUNTDOWN!

The 2008 Super Animal Mega-Beast Death-Match Competition has finally come to a head. The four round winners are back in horrific new guises, with unthinkable destruction a claw swipe away. Meet the 'Meta-Beasts':

The Evisceraptor, a twisted, over-clocked amalgam of round 3 champion Scraptor, and the malevolent mojo of his felled rivals. Armour plating, steel jaws, poisonous blood, and stupefying strength make for one terrible lizard.

Lucifoul the witching owl, a vision of round 2 winner Night Owl through shattered ebony prism. An unblinking eye, mind-warping psychic powers, cybernetic implants, shoulder guns, multiple personalities, and a terrifying screech come together in a perfect storm of unimaginable anguish.

Squid Vicious, a flurry of limbs twirling around a pitiless core, loyal to no one - round 1 victor Squid Marx abandons his ethos, and upgrades in to your worst nightmare. A larvae planting stinger tail, five clawing legs, napalm and liquid nitrogen spraying guns, three hearts, and a bonus life in the hole add up to a terrifically nasty package.

Hellaphant, the granddaddy of them all, a scarred and scary vet of the 2007 Competition, formally talented teleporter Telephant the elephant. Diamond claws, spiky, thick hide, exploding spores, digging, flying, rolling and teleporting abilities plus a trunk mounted chainsaw and minus the mercy - a ground shaking threat to all that stand in its way.
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a few minutes more

Post by StalinSays » Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:46 pm

Because of the feedback given by Beast enthusiasts, we have expanded the voting mechanisms of the 2008 Mega-Beast Death-Match Finals, in a way that favors our creative and enthusiastic core voters. Four tiers of voting are now available, with an individual participant capable of a hundred or more (this without the need for a hundred browsers, or a Circuit City's population of PCs). All you need is a cunning tongue and a willingness to be heard.

The four tiers are as follows: site votes (base count 1), forum votes (base count 15), phone votes (base vote 30), and style points (a subjective, judge awarded multiplier).

Forum Votes

To cast your forum vote, worth 15 site votes, simply write the name of your beast of choice in a forum post, replying to this topic. Please follow this format: Bold face, size 24 (or huge, under the font size drop down), post subject 'my vote.' An official vote would go like this:

Image

Reasoning, discussion, and all other questions go in this topic as well (and are important to gaining style points, which will be discussed next). You are only allowed one official forum vote. A post count of 10 or more under a forum profile is preferred, to prevent abuses of this system (aka 1 post spammers). If shenanigans are detected, suspect votes will be entirely discluded from the final total.

Style Points

'Style Points' are extra votes awarded to enthusiastic and entertaining phone and forum voters. They will be dealt out by the Drabblecast editors and Mega-Beast luminaries featured on the finals concluding Mega-Podcast. Each 'judge' selects a personal favorite forum and phone message as their style point recipient. When this occurs, the vote count total of that particular interaction is doubled. This may occur multiple times with multiple judges. So for example, a forum vote, already equivalent to 15 site votes, would be equivalent to 45 site votes if selected by two editors (the base 15, with additional 30's for the two judges' style point picks).

Decorated Mega-Beast listener-participants have the potential to win Drabblecast themed prizes! More on this to come.

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Post by suxshadows » Mon Sep 15, 2008 4:09 am

sweet, sweet nectar...
easy now, fuzzy little man-peach...

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my vote {edit}

Post by StalinSays » Mon Sep 15, 2008 8:14 am

LUCIFOUL

There ya' go folks, that is my vote, I have stood, and been counted. I am still allowed to vote daily on the web site (and oh yeah, I will do so, the Pandemic wounds run deep). I can still call the hotline (410 702 5842) for another 30 votes to the overall total (and again, be assured I will do so). I can still post to this topic, and if I wanted style points, I'd be doing it regularly. Being that I will likely serve as a judge, this is a moot point, no style points for me, but hey, it bears mention while I'm being all didactic n' such.

Why Lucifoul? He knows all, sees all. In this reality, Hellaphant might seem an invincible juggernaut, but one dimension over, he's already a carcass, and the devil bird knows why. He's a petite customer in this crowd, but mind-bending in his effectiveness. He ate Achilles for breakfast.

[vote switched to Squid Vicious, ignore this post]

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Post by jonathancg » Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:58 am

I'm stoked that you guys went with my round name idea :)

Now comes the nail biting....cheese and rice, that is a buttload to digest to come up with a decision. I don't see any quick or easy decision here.
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Maeno says, "Eviseraptor would kill all."

Post by Maenos » Tue Sep 16, 2008 4:18 am

This is the transcribed voice message I voted with for the Final Battle. Please excuse it's phonetic spellings, as my electronic text reader needs help every so often, Also Drabblecast, if you need for whatever reason to hear that again (message left on September 15, 2008 at 11:10 p.m.) , please just let me know:

What up, my Bitch Face, Norm Sherman. Or should I say Norm Sure- Woman.
I am going to place my vote for your Mega-Beast Final Conflict Battle. After reviewing the four legendary beasts. I have come to the conclusion that The Eviseraptor would dominate in the competition. Here is my reasoning, You Man-Gighna.


First The Eviseraptor would be a formidable opponent for the Hellaphant. The

Hellaphant's underbelly would be its downfall. Even if the beast teleported on top of the

Eviseraptor, one bite to the underbelly would eventually kill the armored beast. Plus the

Eviseraptors constant movement, in the chase, would make the Hellaphant's body circulate the

Microbes, while the Eviseraptor would escape due to its speed and agility. The Stats are

In favor of the Eviseraptor.

As for Squid Vicious, it would fall to the speed and agility of the Eviseraptor. It would Only be a matter of time, before a bite could be administered to the enormity of the Land Squid. Its size would be its downfall. Like you, Norm, size would be your downfall, only, in the opposite way of the large land-squid.
If you know, what I mean.... I do believe, That is what she said….. High Five anyone?

Lucifoul would be the most challenging opponent for the Eviseraptor. While the Eviseraptor is waiting for the others to succumb it the Microbe poisoning, He could use these doomed pussies as a distraction, and potential damage could be done to the Lucifoul's wings. or even a bite could be administered, that would cause the downfall of this giant bird of evil prey, Like Tyson versus Holyfield. Either way, all are doomed in the mighty shifty shadows of the Eviseraptor. Even with minor damages, or even serious damages, the Cee Pee You in his body would compute the most Efficient course for DOOM. Hands down, the Eviseraptor would kill those beasts like an angry pimp, shooting down his disloyal hoes. It might take time, but those whores would get gunned down., cause a Pimp doesn't Forget. or forgive, just like the Eviseraptor.

This has been D. Maeno. A Taste of Japan, From Dirty South Thomasville Georgia.

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Post by jonathancg » Tue Sep 16, 2008 5:55 pm

I'm not yet ready to make my big all-in yet on a single beastie, as I'm sure several of you aren't. When I do, I'll make my case.

But I can tell you some of my early considerations.

First -- damn nice job on the site. The art is friggin' over the top and I love the bios. Musical affiliation? Hah!

I think the bitch in this round is Squid Vicious. Sorry -- it's just the truth. The issue stems from two key problems: 1) he is the slowest critter in this match-up, with an over-reliance on his tentacles to keep-up with adversaries' agility. In a match that is sure to be dismembering , Squiddie's going to lose some of that agility quick. 2) Napalm and Liquid Nitrogen are gel-based and, well...liquid, respectively. This means any successful attack must be leveled at an angle or the user risks a very bad day. The first time Squiddie -- hopped up and manic -- fires directly overhead, he is dousing himself with liquid nitrogen and/or napalm. Ditto with the molten lead. I don't care if he's coming back from the dead, he's going to boil his brain off, making him several times likely to do the same thing again. Bye bye heart, hello enough fried calamari to keep an Italian mob family happy for a year.

Also, in a battle full of skilled ambushers, he has no way to cross dimensions, phase out of existence, teleport, or even just take refuge underground.

Hellaphant: I request a clarification on this bruiser: how many teleports can he make in a row? 37?

Lucifoul: The best multi-tasker, with what I see as an excellent mix of long-range attacks, multi-layered defense and offense capabilities, and the key to winning all battles: accurate intelligence. He's the swiss army knife of this group, the five-foot Chuck Norris against some very big competitors. But he's still Chuck Norris. He's my early favorite.

Evisceraptor: Fast, mean, and a natural ambusher, but he's simply too squishy for this fight. And he carries the weaknesses of both a biological and electronic system. I see him making a few dramatic attacks, then taking damage to a critical biological or electronic system, hampering his ability to continue onward.
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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:53 pm

Wow... I just don't know. I started to write about how I thought Squid Vicious would kill all, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like this battle could go to anyone.

Lucifoul would clearly win in a three-way match against Hellephant and Evisciraptor, but Squid throws him off. Lucifowl is already on the brink of madness, tottering there between genius and insanity, and contact the pure chaotic rage of Squid will surely push him over. Squid is Lucifowl's kryptonite.

Squid could hold his own against Raptor, but the crushing bulk of Hellephant would make short work of his soft body, zombie or no zombie. *squish - splat*

But raptor would kill Hellephant fo sho. His endless stamina and analytical intelligence would have him dancing circles around the big boy, while his death bite and razor tail would turn him to sickly mincemeat.

The way I figure it, this whole match depends on who attacks who. Any contender could win.

One thing is sure in my mind: If Lucifowl tangles with Squid directly, he's finished. Lucifowl will know this (being a genius) and stay away, but having to avoid him will seriously cramp his style. To win, Lucifowl must kill Squid by proxy, but that will be no easy task, considering the rock-paper-scissors nature of the other contenders and the strain brought on by mind-jacking.

It could go any way.
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Post by strawman » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:13 pm

In the final analysis, brains are more important than brawn, especially when we're not just talking brains, but full-blown Evil Genius. Lucifowl uses mental manipulation to make competitors be enraged at one another, making them always think "I'll get the bird next". After they have expended all their energy against one another as he cheered them on, the only fight for Lucifowl is picking over the remains of those who trusted him.
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Post by cammoblammo » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:24 pm

Mr. Tweedy wrote: Lucifoul would clearly win in a three-way match against Hellephant and Evisciraptor, but Squid throws him off. Lucifowl is already on the brink of madness, tottering there between genius and insanity, and contact the pure chaotic rage of Squid will surely push him over. Squid is Lucifowl's kryptonite.

Squid could hold his own against Raptor, but the crushing bulk of Hellephant would make short work of his soft body, zombie or no zombie. *squish - splat*

One thing is sure in my mind: If Lucifowl tangles with Squid directly, he's finished. Lucifowl will know this (being a genius) and stay away, but having to avoid him will seriously cramp his style. To win, Lucifowl must kill Squid by proxy, but that will be no easy task, considering the rock-paper-scissors nature of the other contenders and the strain brought on by mind-jacking.
I've been thinking along similar lines, but your summary clarifies it for me. Lucifoul is intelligent enough to stay in the wings (boom boom!) and let everyone else do the dirty work. If he were able to take control of Hellephant, though, he could take out Squid Vicious. Then he would disappear for a while and let Evisceraptor take out Hellephant.

When it comes down to a two way between Evisceraptor and Lucifoul, you have to go for the bird.

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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:34 pm

cammoblammo wrote:If he were able to take control of Hellephant, though, he could take out Squid Vicious. Then he would disappear for a while and let Evisceraptor take out Hellephant.
You see the complexity here, though? Raptor is intelligent also. While Lucifowl is distracted controlling Hellephant, he would surely seize the opportunity to burn out the bird's third eye with his lasers?

Fowl has a dilemma. He can't just sit it out and let the other three go to because then there's a chance that Squid would be victor, and Fowl is helpless against Squid. But if he mind-jacks one of the other two, he leaves himself vulnerable to attack. And if he simply joins the fray with his conventional attacks, he loses his key advantages and puts himself as unacceptable risk.

What's a bird to do?
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ALL ABOUT LUCIFOUL

Post by StalinSays » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:36 pm

CALLING FOUL ON FOWL
Mr. Tweedy wrote:He can't just sit it out and let the other three go to because then there's a chance that Squid would be victor, and Fowl is helpless against Squid.
The confrontation between these two is sure to be epic, world changing even. I imagine a scene much like Siddhartha and the arch-fiend Mara, where Lucifoul uses his enshrouding illusions to show Squid Vicious many possibilities, and tempt him with the material, wishing to steal away his terrifying inertia. It would be tentacled one whose will overcomes, as the mind of the witching owl functions by understanding outcomes and statistics, not chaos. Lucifoul is a genius's genius, but that level of intelligence has its price - he is the mathematical savant scribbling mile long theorems with his shoes untied. I might suggest that even considering the many universes where Squid Vicious has already laid him to waste is enough to cripple the ghost bird.

An all consuming eyesight puppet proxy war is his only chance. Lucifoul will step out of the shadows and makes a play for a controlling interest in limb shredding Evisceraptor, the first time the scaly foe blinks its eyes over to normal view. To facilitate this, the Hellaphant must be out of play (as a bird wholly concerned with hypnotizing a speedy / stealthy dino is a bird soon flattened). The timing of this plan will be incredibly sensitive, because the consummate aggressor Squid Vicious will hardly wait to mix things up.
strawman wrote:Lucifowl uses mental manipulation to make competitors be enraged at one another, making them always think "I'll get the bird next". After they have expended all their energy against one another as he cheered them on, the only fight for Lucifowl is picking over the remains of those who trusted him.
The greatest trick the devil bird ever played was convincing us that he didn't exist. Like a world class spin doctor, he'll reach out mentally and let opponents know he really isn't that big a deal, they should figure out this Squid problem.
Mr. Tweedy wrote:While Lucifowl is distracted controlling Hellephant, he would surely seize the opportunity to burn out the bird's third eye with his lasers?
It's a quick end for the darkened one if that powerful third eye is taken out. As depicted in the art, he has 5 total, but the remaining 4 are smaller, 'squintier,' and exude far less control. He has to play it cool with the Evisceraptor, lay in wait, strike when the time is right.

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Re: Maeno says, "Eviseraptor would kill all."

Post by StalinSays » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:52 pm

Maenos wrote:Hands down, the Eviseraptor would kill those beasts like an angry pimp, shooting down his disloyal hoes... cause a Pimp doesn't Forget. or forgive...
There's something wonderful about the imagery there. Its too bad I didn't draw him with frock fur coat, many ringed fingers, and wide brimmed, feathered hat.
jonathancg wrote:I'm stoked that you guys went with my round name idea :)
It was a great suggestion, terminally grandiose, just like the round should be.
jonathancg wrote:Now comes the nail biting....cheese and rice, that is a buttload to digest to come up with a decision. I don't see any quick or easy decision here.
No need to rush, in fact, smart money would be to wait until the last few days. The adjusted totals will be essentially impossible to track (no access to the phone messages count unless you pry it out of Norm), no exact math till that last podcast, however the official forums votes and site voting count will make for a good guessing point. I cast my bid early in order to demonstrate the process, but had I been your average voter, I'd have waited to play spoiler and jam the ballot in the closing moments, assured by then my beastie wasn't lame in the hind quarters, trading stories with Hornaztee and Sharkitraz somewhere far away from the winners' circle.
jonathancg wrote:Hellaphant: I request a clarification on this bruiser: how many teleports can he make in a row? 37?
That would be a Norm question. Hellaphant isn't my head baby: he's 07 Old School. I can suppose, but I'd be remiss to speak 'officially' on his abilities.

The main idea of his teleporting limitations is that he can't do indefinitely, making himself impossible to hit warping all over the damn place. Otherwise though he is unencumbered, popping in and out of place at the speed of thought.

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Big surprise

Post by StalinSays » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:01 pm

We've had a pretty impressive artistic contribution from listener pluckylump. Be sure to check the finalist dossiers when you are voting tomorrow, for a nifty little addition.

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Post by Maenos » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:22 am

I think everyone is underplaying the amazing skill as a hunter that a velociraptor relies on. Excuse Jurrasic Park 3, but the raptor was a vicious ruthless killer and relied on speed and stealth. A Eviseraptor's sinewy muscles would allow for quick changes in movement and one bite, even if minor would result in death. He is quick and ruthless. A natural hunter has staying alive embeded into his very being. A raptor could take down a Trex. PLus look at the CPU, it adds even more of an edge for death. Well as long as its not Vista.

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Post by jonathancg » Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:00 pm

A raptor is a pack hunter. Where's his pack?
A raptor could take out a Trex.
I'd give a pack of five Utahraptors a 50/50 chance.
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My Vote

Post by tbaker2500 » Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:24 am

Evisceraptor

My Vote

Lucifoul and Squid Vicious are like newborns when it comes to their new bodies. Sure, they got power, but they don't have fighting skilz. Evisceraptor is the same he's always been - a killing machine. Now he's just bigger and better at it.

Evisceraptor is like taking Jacki Chan, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris and putting them in Jet Li's body. While they may not be perfectly synced, they will still kick ass, and look good doing it.

Squid Vicious is like taking a weapons lab, an aquarium, a zombie, a huge wasp, and sticking them in a genetic blender. Nasty, yes, but no focus.

Lucifoul takes the sharpest minds (Night Owl, Sanitee) and combines them with 3 drunks from the short bus. Lucifoul will take so much time explaining to his foes how he will kill them, why he will kill them, how easy it will be to kill them, and why the world should just submit.

Hellaphant - would be good, but he is the natural prey for Evisceraptor. The smaller hunter will win against the larger prey. Just watch Animal Planet - it always happens.

[vote switched to Hellaphant, ignore this post]
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Post by normsherman » Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:32 am

Maenos wrote: A raptor could take down a Trex.
C'mon. bullcrap. I admit that Evisciraptor is clearly underrated so far as a competitor but let's not push it.

From reading these posts and the descriptions I still find it hard as hell to decide who would win in an open deathmatch. I thought Lucifoul at first but then thought about it and began to think he was too conditional. He'd easily win IF certain situations/circumstances were in place. No gaurantees here though- he's just too iffy.

The other 3 arn't iffy at all though. I agree with Tweedy- Squid Viscious and Lucifoul are arch nemesis. However, Hellephant is a serious threat (think about nightcrawler- plus 2 tons and a chainsaw trunk)....and the Raptor- we have only begun to consider his potential.)

I have to axe Luifoul first- just because he is that one contestant who is possibly the best but is also the smallest and least distinct. The other 3 are clearly more direct and clear in their conquest goals. Of these 3 I favor Squid Visious and Hellephant so far- although the raptor might still be able to sway me.


As I type I see Lucifoul as as the leader, although I assume this is because others are following the same train of thought as me and will realize that while he is badass in an obscure 'if he makes eye contact'/'if he is strategic enough' kind of way- for a 15 minute melee this will come down to sheer power and technique and I think the multitasking squid machine and the teleporting elephant fiend will control it.

It's tough though
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My Vote

Post by confusedgreen » Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:31 am

Lucifoul

Owl's are highly adaptable and intelligent (just finished The Way of the Owl). Lucifoul flies. It will haunt you in your nightmares. I used to have nightmares with owls, where they chased me and pecked my eyes out.

The end.
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Re: Big surprise

Post by zZzacha » Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:59 am

StalinSays wrote:We've had a pretty impressive artistic contribution from listener pluckylump. Be sure to check the finalist dossiers when you are voting tomorrow, for a nifty little addition.
wOw wOw wOw!!! First, your work is absolute magic. Amazing work, StalinSays! I love all the Mega Beast drawings and their descriptions (and yes, this year even with the Musical Affiliation of each Beast!).

And now the cherry on the cake: videos!?!?!!!!! pluckylump, these are amazing. Great to see the Mega Beasts come alive. And to hear them too! Yeah! Now I know what they _really_ sound like, so I'll know when to duck and cover.

Love it, Love it, Love it.

Amazing work, guys!
I'll be there in 5 minutes. If not, read this again.

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