Hellaphant vs. Squid Vicious vs. Lucifoul vs. Evisceraptor

[StalinSays]

If you don't vote for Lucifoul, the terrorists have already won.

Just throwing that out there.

What is kind of funny, I would say ironic (though I fear the perennially misused word is about to be misused again), is that at one time in his history, Lucifoul was himself a terrorist.

To relate the conception of Mega-Beasts to... conception, puns are the spermatozoa. Many come in to existance, and swim their jagged sway-swim all about, some reaching their goal and forming life while others wander off and are lost to decay. For the vitial and accurate, a 'zygote 'stage of consideration and development is reached. Not all zygotes grow to maturity, but the ones that do acquire their features with a power / weakness / description back and forth. To use a real example, Squid Marx was at one point 'Humbolt' an electric squid (zygote). In the brain storming process, I spammed across 'Squid-Max,' but being lame, it was quickly forgotten (MIA sperm).

Anyway, long way of saying Night Owl had different, pruned conceptual directions, loosely tied to available puns. One that existed for an epoch of wrong-headedness was 'Owl'queada' the bomb dropping explosives expert. When the idea of shadow powers was introduced, this unfortunate and assuredly fantasy compromising-politically charged concept was dismissed completely.

So in a way, voting for Lucifoul is the patriotic thing to do. Its birth eliminated a terrorist from ever competing. If you vote in such a way that suggests it as an inferior concept, by fuzzy logic you support abandoned alternatives in the owl cadre. In this way, you Helephant, Squid Vicious, and Evisceraptor are voting FOR TERROR. That's like electing a whole congress of Democrats. It's unamerican!?!

Lucifoul - it's about FREEDOM

[paid for by friends of the witching owl]

[cammoblammo]

So in a way, voting for Lucifoul is the patriotic thing to do. Its birth eliminated a terrorist from ever competing. If you vote in such a way that suggests it as an inferior concept, by fuzzy logic you support abandoned alternatives in the owl cadre. In this way, you Helephant, Squid Vicious, and Evisceraptor are voting FOR TERROR. That's like electing a whole congress of Democrats. It's unamerican!?!

I'm unamerican, and I voted for Lucifoul.

But wait a second---aren't the Megabeasts all about terror? I mean, I had to change my underpants three times watching the Spore videos, and I sacrificed my eldest child under the tree that that tawny frogmouth seems to like so much.

My wife tells me that last night I started chanting "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Squid Vicious wgah'nagl fhtagn" in my sleep. The fact that she was able to transcribe it is proof that these things are scary.

And then we hear rumours of bear-eating badgers in Siberia.

Essential liberty? If you're not with us you're against us!

[StalinSays]

To recap:

If you support the other non-Lucifoul competitors, you are a freedom hater, cooperating and encouraging terrorists.

If you are a terrorist, but not a direct supporter of Lucifoul, you are an inept coward terrorist, who doesn't know the meaning of pants-change-necessitating fear.

If you sit your child down to stare in to the eyes of the Lucifoul for three hours each day he/she will grow strong and wise.

Planting dragon teeth in the earth grows skeleton soldiers, planting Lucifoul teeth grows dragons.

[Mr. Tweedy]

Planting dragon teeth in the earth grows skeleton soldiers, planting Lucifoul teeth grows dragons.

Huh? Lucifowl has teeth?

"Owl'queada." He he. But he could only have attacked once! Being that he would have valued his own demise as much as that of his foes, I don't think he would have had much chance of winning a contest with single-bracket elimination. Night Owl is much more effective.

[normsherman]

Lucifoul can't be about freedom and evil, as we here in Murica know, those are antonyms.

The more I think about the Evil Feathered One having the greatest powers the more I realize he also has the greatest weaknesses. I really don't think any small, completely flight based competitor with paranoid schizophrenic dementia, dissociate identity disorder and conflicting antagonist personalities stands a chance here. He will be overwhelmed with stun spores, teleporting elephants, raptor lazor beams, napalm and liquid nitrogen- he will need be focused and have a clear mind if he's going to use his powers. I regularly interact with people who have mental illness such as these and there is NO WAY this bird will be able to handle this kind of stress. He's gonna lose it mentally, get a wing grazed by a lazer and be dead before he even gets a chance to crawl around helplessly on the floor.

Same goes for the raptor, but perhaps to a less extent.

The fact that Squid Viscious is less cerebral and more rage filled gives him the edge here. There's too much shit goin on for them to overanalyze while battling- you need to be a killing machine with an array of killing tools.

I agree that Hellephant is a strong thorn in Squid's side, but alas I can only vote for one and I love the Squid's artwork and concept the most.

So my forum vote goes for SQUID VISCIOUS(Anarchiteuthis)

But will also be very proud of ole Hellephant if he keeps his title.

[cammoblammo]

So my forum vote goes for SQUID VISCIOUS (Anarchiteuthis).

Point of order, Mr Chairman---I believe the ballot cast by Mr Sherman isn't valid as it doesn't use the requisite BOLD attribute.

I humbly request you follow Florida law when deciding this matter and award the vote to Lucifoul.

[StalinSays]

I just noticed that the Mega-Beast's real name is actually Squid Viscous, because it is made of liquid and very thick, like oil. As a result, Norm's vote cannot count at all, forever.

Also, because the Squid fighter has heightened in viscosity, I declare he's totally unfair. Therefore Lucifoul is to be awarded 300 votes.

[ruddog]

Hellaphant

I decided to crank the size of my vote all the way up to 11....errr 42! Unfortunately, you have to be able to mentally interpret BBCode to see it in its true form, kinda like reading the Matrix.

[tbaker2500]

Bo seems to be actively pulling for Lucifoul. Which can only mean that he's already drawn up the victory art, and our votes are pointless.

Hey, rules clarification here. Can I get lots of my friends and family to call in votes, even if they are not active forum participants?

BTW, when is the cut-off for call ins? Are you pushing out another podcast that you want the calls for?

[Mr. Tweedy]

I'm going to go ahead with my initial gut instinct and say Squid Vicious.

I envision the battle going like this:

Lucifowl immediately realizes that Squid must die and that Hellephant is the beast to kill him. For this reason, he possesses the mammoth melee master and goes to town.

Raptor, meanwhile, has analyzed the situation and realized that Fowl is a far great threat to him than the other two. He therefor does the logical thing and turns his weapons on the distracted bad bird. A zap-zap of the laser and Fowl's third eye is history. Disoriented and hurt, Fowl retreats into his shadow to regroup.

The mighty Hellephant is suddenly released from Lucifowl's mental grip and finds himself in a battle with no idea how he got there. He hesitates momentarily to collects himself and in that time SHTICK! - deadly squid larvae right in the trunk! He teleports out, but the damage is done. The hungry larvae begin to burrow their way to the behemoth's brain.

Enraged (and spewing deadly fluids from his chainsaw-severed limbs), Squid turns his wrath onto the only target still in sight. A ferocious and gory battle ensues between Raptor and Squid, with both taking heavy damage.

Meanwhile, Hellephant has been contemplating his plight. The larvae are killing him, but he ain't dead yet. Summoning his last strength, he waits for the opportune moment, then teleports himself across the battlefield and *SPLAT* squashes Squid to a pancake. Squid's deadly blood sprays out in a horrible goosh, soaking raptor in fire and ice. Raptor reals back, his flesh in agony and his computers unable to process the mixed sensations, and Helly seizes the moment to swing his mighty chainsaw and split the cyborg clean in two.

But alas! Raptor's pestilent juices surge out of his cloven corpse and forms a foul film over the powerful pachyderm.

Hellephant, full of larvae inside and coated with disease on the outside. stumbles, falls... and dies.

While this carnage has been going on, Fowl has finally collected himself enough to venture back into normal space. He reappears and flies some evasive patterns while he scouts out the scene. Dead! All dead! He screeches maniacally gazing on the broken corpses of his foes. But wait... Even without his third eye, his latent prescience warns him of danger...

Suddenly, Squid reanimates in his zombie second life. Even more filled with malice and hate in his undead form, he radiates pure chaos. Fowl's fragile psyche is rocked. He retreats, pouring lead into Squid from his shoulder cannons, but the anarchist zombie takes no head. Frantic, Fowl sends legions of shadow clones against him, but Squid is single-minded in his hate and doesn't even notice them.

Fowl is enraged beyond endurance. Who is this mindless beast to oppose his genius? What injustice is this that Fowl should lose after coming to close to victory? He snaps and, filled with own irrational hate, he swoops down with a shriek to tear at Squid with his talons. He tears out a fetid chunk of zombie squid flesh, but Squid snares him with his tentacles. Fowl is felled! He crashes to the earth... and his personality fragments. The super-ego says "Regroup! Strategize!", the id cries "Attack!" and the poor, bruised ego is paralyzed with pain and fear, crying "Mama!"

Fowl curls into a fetal position and twitches helplessly while his fragments vie for control.

Squid feasts.

As Fowl's evil brain is eaten, the last fragment of personality to survive is the id. It's last thought is "Damn, I need a drink."

Squid takes no time to appreciate his victory. His thirst for blood is insatiable and his only thought is for the next kill. Kills, rather. He's coming. Lock your doors. Keep your guns loaded. You might as well enjoy the illusion of security: It's all you've got.

[normsherman]

Amen Tweeds.

I'm going to start composing Lucifoul's Requiem to negate Bo's presumptive final art. I gotta figure out some of the Latin first- verily, the seventh trumpet shall sound.... riding upon a white horse....defeating the Owl of Darkness...Zombie Squid, Halleluia....that kindof thing.

Yah, no cutoff yet on voicemails but we will be trying to get it finished up by next week Monday-Wednesday, so get em in.

[cammoblammo]

Amen Tweeds.
I gotta figure out some of the Latin first- verily, the seventh trumpet shall sound.... riding upon a white horse....defeating the Owl of Darkness...Zombie Squid, Halleluia....that kindof thing.

I couldn't immediately find anything relevant, but Revelation 13 suggests these MegaBeast Death Matches have been going on for a while:

And I saw a beast rising out of the sea, having ten horns and seven heads; and on its horns were ten diadems, and on its heads were blasphemous names. And the beast that I saw was like a leopard, its feet were like a bear's, and its mouth was like a lion's mouth. And the dragon gave it his power and his throne and great authority. One of its heads seemed to have received a death-blow, but its mortal wound had been healed. In amazement the whole earth followed the beast. They worshiped the dragon, for he had given his authority to the beast, and they worshiped the beast, saying, "Who is like the beast, and who can fight against it?"

(Revelation 13:1-4, NRSV)

This is an aquatic hybrid that comes to fight on land. Even mortal wounds don't faze it. It goes on to receive adulation and glory from worshippers around the world, who cannot see any sense voting for another.

Wow. The Bible predicts Squid Vicious will win. I can't see it though. Oh me of little faith...

[normsherman]

Hey, rules clarification here. Can I get lots of my friends and family to call in votes, even if they are not active forum participants?

that's actually a reall good point I should have mentioned earlier about the callins-
they have to be an analysis/break down (can be brief and still substantial) not just "I vote for the zombie squid" to earn vote credits.

So yah, if you can convince your coworker/gf/whoever to actually consider the debate and come up with a reason justifying the vote that shows he/she wasted a bit of time thinking about this, that counts.

Obviously anyone on here that calls in gets far more leniency in proving their dedication to the MegaBeast Competition

[tbaker2500]

Ok, was my call in substantial enough, so I know how to gauge?
I was going more for humor than analysis.

[cammoblammo]

I was going more for humor than analysis.

I was going for analysis, but ended up with 'Gee, that guy needs to get a life.'

[normsherman]

Haha, yah, you can pretty much get away with anything for your Call-In if your name has been popping up in the discussion forums, you guys are fine.

It's the outsiders that have to prove themselves not to just be shadow duplicates of Lucifoul calling in to tip the scales.

[jonathancg]

Dude, Ted Bundy was put up for federal charges, and the guy never stopped smiling and posing for the camera the entire time. You sure you don't think Lucifoul can handle the stress?

This sounds like anti-American propoganda to me.

[potatohamster]

My vote goes to SQUID VICIOUS.

My reasoning is as follows:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIeu7_-iwdw

VW was the clear winner and both the fox and squid vicious were originally built with WW2 era communist technology.

[normsherman]

Dude, Ted Bundy was put up for federal charges, and the guy never stopped smiling and posing for the camera the entire time. You sure you don't think Lucifoul can handle the stress?

This sounds like anti-American propoganda to me.

Ted Bundy was just a psycopath- he didn't have schizophrenic dementia and dissociative identity disorder. He could have never have been as crafty if he had been crippled/tortured by 3 distinct and conflicting personalities.

Our poor unstable bird genius will maybe make eye contact with the Squid's huge eye for a second or two, when suddenly, he's become Enrique, a gay hairstylist from Brazil.

"Aye!! What the hell??? Where am I?" screams Enrique in horror, as reptilian lazer beams shoot through his feathery body.

[tbaker2500]

The winner of this competition is clearly going to hit the big time. Book deals, Oprah appearances, and of course movie scripts.

So let's start the vetting process, to see which monster would make the best movie. He's gunna be representin' the Drabblecast, after all!

Hellaphant:
A Lifetime original movie on Dumbo, the life and times of a child actor. After wild success, he had a hard life, first falling into drugs and then gangs. Having spent all his money, he gets into the underground fight scene to make ends meet.

Squid Vicious:
Having exhausted the thrill of Shark Week, Discovery options the rights to a reality show featuring Squid Vicious, King of the Deep.

Lucifoul:
HBO picks up Lucifoul as the new host of Tales From the Crypt. He signs the most lucrative contract to date, and then goes AWOL traveling across Canada trying out the Tasty Canadians.

Evisceraptor:
Fox starts production on a new movie. It was pitched as a mix of The Bionic Woman, Knight Rider, Ghost in the Shell, and Jurassic Park.
During filming, Evisceraptor starts hunting the production assistants, the the writers, then the producers and directors. The cameramen keep filming.
It was released to the biggest box office numbers in history.