MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Who are you voting for?

Poll ended at Mon Nov 09, 2009 8:26 pm

Gargantula
5
38%
Velasquez
6
46%
Unicorpse
2
15%
 
Total votes: 13

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Mr. Tweedy
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:03 am

I really don't like Gargantua. He's probably the most cliché contender, and I really don't want him to win, but it seem like he probably would.

I see Unicorpse as a non-contender. Once you get past the ick factor, he really hasn't got a lot going for him. Offense and defense are both weak. He isn't bright. The only thing he's got is regeneration, and his weakness is too conspicuous to miss. Even if his opponents don't recognize the real significance of the horn, it will still be their primary target because 1.) it's on his forehead (duh!) and 2.) it's his primary weapon. The horn will get taken out, fast, either by rifle fire or by spider blades. Unicorpse is RDOA (re-dead on arrival).

It comes down to Vasquez and Gargantua. Vasquez deserves to win. He really, really does, but will his bullets and grenades really be enough to stop 3000 pounds of angry spider? I'm thinking of the last scene in "District 9," when all those splatable redshirts are laying into the alien mech: Yeah, bullets will take it down eventually, but you ain't got until eventually. I see Vasquez planting about 55 rifle shots right in the middle of Gargantua's head, then being cut in half anyway.

I think Gargantua has the clear advantage here, unless Vasquez can come with a good plan real quick. The idea of him exploiting the unicorpse corpse is interesting: Gargantua will surely want to eat his kill. Explosives in the equine? Poison in the pony? Grenades in the gelding? Weapons in the– Okay, I'll quit, but the point is that Vasquez can only win with killer smarts. In an open contest of strength on strength, he's gonna get clobbered.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Thu Oct 29, 2009 7:04 am

The ultimate penguin trick would be to get Gargantua to eat the still-intact Unicorpse horn...
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by strawman » Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:53 pm

Wouldn't Gargantula then get infected and become an undead spider?
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:04 pm

No: Unicorpse is magic. No virus to infect.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by StalinSays » Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:22 pm

Mr. Tweedy wrote:I really don't like Gargantua. He's probably the most cliché contender, and I really don't want him to win, but it seem like he probably would.
He doesn't have as sharp a hook as the others, yeh. The ceremonial axes, that's his rub, the puree chopping and lumberjack tossing, past that, not much. It's easy to over-think a giant spider. It already has an innate hook: it's a spider, but giant. Exoskeletons, webbing, dissolving enzymes, multiple eyes, big fangs - making him also able to fire crystal shards or whatever else is just excessive.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by Talia » Fri Oct 30, 2009 7:45 pm

StalinSays wrote: making him also able to fire crystal shards or whatever else is just excessive.
But awesome.

AWESOME

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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by strawman » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:42 pm

I'm confused. Are you saying that 'excessive' is sometimes not a SADM virtue?
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by StalinSays » Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:31 pm

strawman wrote:I'm confused. Are you saying that 'excessive' is sometimes not a SADM virtue?
Well eventually that is the only virtue. But we strive for parody early in the competition, and I figured Gargantula could stand on his own insectile barbarian merits. Not so it would seem - Velasquez is KILLING the competition in this round. I blame the newly installed 3 vote per IP limit. And Tbaker. Mostly Tbaker.

For the love of tainted Unicorns people get the word out there! We don't have to win, but it'd be nice for the penguin to not make a mockery of us!
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by tbaker2500 » Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:56 pm

I'll be glad to take the blame, but I've actually only voted a couple of times this week, too busy.

But really, the playing field was made relatively even. After that, it's a matter of emotion and personal taste. Velasquez is a movie character hero. Unicorpse (is, or has a) dick, and who likes spiders? (Besides the kid in episode 10?)

So I think the hero is going to take the win here.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by strawman » Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:29 pm

StalinSays wrote: we strive for parody
The NFL strives for parity; DC strives for parody. Epic. :lol:
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by suxshadows » Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:21 am

I guess i'm one of the mystery Gargantua supporters. It was a toss up for me cause I really like Unicorpse but Gargantua has so much going for him...webs and traps and enzymes and fricking battleaxes and crushing mandibles.

I can't vote for Velasquez cause in his profile it states he has his trust[sic] AK-47, but in his picture he doesn't have an AK-47. He's got a...well I don't know what it is, but it's not an AK. Besides, I think the 7.62x39 is an inferior round compared to others. A low-rent mercenary indeed. Now if he was sporting an HK417 or the FN SCAR-H I may have to reconsider.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:16 am

Ah, but one of the great things about the AK is it's ability to get dragged through the muck and slime and still be able to fire, (while our boys were stuck carefully holding their technologically superior M-16's over their heads while wading through the swamps to avoid having them jam.) /sorry about the USA-centric wording there, but hey, I'm an Ameericun...

And since the mega-beast battles are bound to be messy, slimy, and very, very gory, that was a good choice of armament, imo. (Even if it was designed by a damned commie...)
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by suxshadows » Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:11 am

True, but that's why my reconsider is based on him having a proper modern mbr like the scarh. It's been a looong time since vietnam.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by zZzacha » Sat Oct 31, 2009 11:18 am

I just don't liek teh guy
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:44 pm

suxshadows wrote:True, but that's why my reconsider is based on him having a proper modern mbr like the scarh. It's been a looong time since vietnam.
I admit ignorance to modern firearm technology. How does the SCARH hold up to Unicorpse goo in the barrel?

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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by suxshadows » Sat Oct 31, 2009 6:45 pm

I think the trick would be to avoid getting goo in the barrel in the first place. Shouldn't be hard unless you're using it as a melee weapon...in which case Velasquez is in trouble anyways....
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by gord42 » Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:20 pm

I'm also a firearm ignoramus, if I can use that term. And I'm not convinced it makes much difference. The point of the armament is that it gives Pengu here some range, if he can't deal damage at a distance, his tubby li'l butt will be Gargantula appetizer. :shock: Does the caliber really matter?

The difference between the AK47 and the gun in the picture is easily explained. No one has actually seen the real Velasquez long enough to take an in-focus photo, much less draw an accurate portrait. This guy's like Jackal - he's invisible.

Go, Velasquez!
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:43 pm

Actually, I think it's safe to say the our flightless mercenary is holding a custom weapon. You can see distinct elements of an M-16 in it (sites, scope mount), with equal amounts of AK (banana clip, oversized bolt), but also a bit of combat shotgun in the foregrip and lack of any stock. Obviously, the most deadly penguin has taken the best each weapon has to offer and combined them into one gun to rule them all, with the accuracy of the M-16, the rugged durability of the AK and the brutal punch of the shotty.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by gord42 » Sun Nov 01, 2009 4:28 am

Mr. Tweedy wrote:...Obviously, the most deadly penguin has taken the best each weapon has to offer and combined them into one gun to rule them all...
Clearly. I concur.
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Re: MB3 - R3 - Gargantula vs Velasquez vs Unicorpse

Post by tbaker2500 » Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:42 pm

I was wondering how long it would take for the firearm discussion to start. I've been analyzing it for some time, and decided to just let it go. *sigh* We can't expect Bo to be an artist and firearm expert. :-)

ROU: You surpassed 95% of the member's post count in the first week. I think it was evident that we couldn't hold on for long. But yet, you still hadn't heard Ep 36! Geez. I can at least lord that over you.
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