Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Who wins this battle?

Poll ended at Sat Sep 26, 2009 1:44 am

The Obamination
11
55%
Crush Limbsaw
9
45%
 
Total votes: 20

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Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by normsherman » Sat Sep 19, 2009 1:44 am

Image

Politico-Beast Death-Match
Republicanarnage versus The Democratastrophy

And with the rising of a blood red sun, weeks of ill portending signs reach their conclusion. Yes, it is round 3, the culmination of all unrest. The country is torn in two, the grand master lords of war emerge from their caves and signal the final conflict. Skarah Praylin went to pieces (she couldn't cut it). Warm Gore is fatally punctured, lying like a dejected birthday balloon in a pile of himself. Killary and Ripped wave Pom-poms with all of their might - here come the heavies.

Round 3 (Blue) - The Obamination vs. Crush Limbsaw
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*unlike normal forum polls the politico beast competition is open to non-registered voters. So get the word out, have your friends help rig the vote. It wouldn't be much of an American election if you didn't. To our international friends, bear with us while we get a little bit jingo. The universal language of beast will be spoken again soon.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by StalinSays » Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:00 am

The Obamination

His followers were shocked to learn that Obamination's concept of "change" was not restricted to social justice. The former commander in chief would not stop at health care or the economy. Undergoing a full metamorphosis he is reborn a fearful, leather winged monstrosity. Spear you through and suck up your juices? Yes he can.

Strengths
- Amazing powers of persuasion
- Winged flight, nimble, galling agility
- A fast flicking tail, tipped with jolting stinger
- With vampire like bite is able to absorb the essence of opponent and grow in strength
- Unbridled charisma, an uncanny comeback kid, impossible to pin down

Weaknesses
- Relatively frail for a Mega-Beast; not constructed for direct conflict

Crush Limbsaw

Trading his place as cornerstone for that of demolisher, Crush Limbsaw rolls forward on unyielding treads. This time it's not about intoning the message and seeing it carried to fruition by peers. This time it's about leading by example. If you want to bring down an ideology, sometimes you have to swallow gallons of growth hormone, add some extremity to your extremities, and go figure-beheading.

Strengths
- A huge sawing blade
- Thick skin
- Tremendous bulk, an unstoppable force
- Prideful to the point of near absurdity - considers pain beneath him
- Emits a bone-shaking bellow

Weaknesses
- Completely grounded
- Poor maneuverability
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by normsherman » Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:23 am

Holy Mother of God. Clean up in aisle Norm's House.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by jonathancg » Sat Sep 19, 2009 3:17 am

Wow. This is a tough one.

Love the descriptions, BTW.

Question: Are performance enhancing drugs a factor here? Cause Limbaugh could be near-impervious to pain that way, and Obama might think he's back at the tiki bar in Oahu, completely cool and confident and laid-back, dude. That could be a factor.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Sep 19, 2009 3:18 am

Wow. I must say, the artwork on both of those beasties is first rate. The others were funny, but these two seem to have actually captured the spirits of the originals. Rush with his casual arrogance, not even bothering to waste his time laughing at the opposition. Obama with his toothy stage grin and his wiry little body humming with hyperactive energy. Just great.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:28 am

Mrs. Tweedy notes that Limbsaw ought to have a cigar in his mouth. I agree. That is an oversight.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by deflective » Sat Sep 19, 2009 4:49 am

i'm not sure that hyperactive is a word i'd use for Obama. during his speeches i usually spend my time trying to guess what what he's going to say next. before the next considered pause.

in the battle, neither beast seems likely to hurt the other. there's no way that limbsaw would be able to connect unless obomination lets him and the tail isn't going to do a thing against that hide.

what may decide it is if the bite can be spread out over many small nips. by flying into a blind spot obomination could come up from behind, drain for a moment, then be away before the the saw comes to bear. at some point, as his strength increases, obomination could blind crush with his tail but it probably isn't worth the risk of moving in front of that blade.

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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Sep 19, 2009 6:33 am

Hyperactive: Obama never, ever shuts up. Did you know that, since he's been in office, he's made more speeches than there have been days? Think of it: The average day contains at least one Obama speech. And they usually aren't short. Breaking his own record, this Sunday he's doing 5 different interviews on 5 different news shows: CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS and Univision. (Not Fox News, of course; Obama won't go on Fox.) He announced major policy decisions during his vacation, for squid's sake. The dude is manic. He talks slowly, sure, but that's just so he can pace himself; if he talked fast, his lips would catch on fire.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by BionicRaptor » Sat Sep 19, 2009 6:42 am

It looks like Sawboss from Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors had an ungodly love child with Rush. Oh the huge manatee.

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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by deflective » Sat Sep 19, 2009 9:41 am

you're using the wrong word for what you're trying to describe. hyperactive has a definition, this ain't it. same with manic.

relentless maybe, definitely workaholic (it's a little odd that you're outraged that he works during his vacation). i think what you're shooting for is overexposed.

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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sat Sep 19, 2009 9:56 am

Mr. Tweedy wrote:Hyperactive: Obama never, ever shuts up. Did you know that, since he's been in office, he's made more speeches than there have been days? Think of it: The average day contains at least one Obama speech. And they usually aren't short. Breaking his own record, this Sunday he's doing 5 different interviews on 5 different news shows: CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS and Univision. (Not Fox News, of course; Obama won't go on Fox.) He announced major policy decisions during his vacation, for squid's sake. The dude is manic. He talks slowly, sure, but that's just so he can pace himself; if he talked fast, his lips would catch on fire.
Precisely the reason that Obamanitor get's my vote. He's a gruesome polito-beast after my own heart. Shucks, if Obaminator became a DC forumite, between him, you, and me the forums would always be overloaded and over capacity.
Crush Limbsaw will fall before Obaminator's fearful persuasion-meme spam. When the memes fly into Crush'es sawblade? Bad news. Twice as many memes as before.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by strawman » Sat Sep 19, 2009 12:11 pm

I think one factor should be added to the match. While these two fight, the earth is being flooded with cynical acid, rising at a rate of an inch per day, causing Global Corroding, bringing all life to a halt, causing rampant gag reflexes, and gradually getting most of the battle spectators really pissed off. The result could be that this may be the first instance where the audience kills off both contestants, cutting off both wings, as it were, like Annabelle's parents.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by Phenopath » Sat Sep 19, 2009 12:53 pm

BionicRaptor wrote:It looks like Sawboss from Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors had an ungodly love child with Rush. Oh the huge manatee.
Oh shit, I was about to say that! However, since Crush clearly lacks the maneuverability of a wheeled vegetable I think that the comparison may be superficial.

Consider tactics. Crush will always look to go on the offensive, whereas the Obaminator is primarily a defensive combatant (his resiliance is under-rated). He is reluctant to initiate a full frontal attack even when an opening presents itself, prefering to take hits rather than get drawn into a melee.

I suspect that Crush's instinct to attack may be compromised by his lack of maneuverability. This could allow Obaminator to employ sneak attacks from the rear. However does the Obaminator have the firepower to take down his opponent?

I remain to be pursuaded...
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Sep 19, 2009 3:38 pm

"Outrage"? That was "outrage"? I guess you must not have heard much outrage in your life. Go listen to the Mark Levin Show for 30 or 40 seconds. I don't know how that guy is still alive: It seems like being that angry for 3 hours a day would make your eyes explode. My theory is that he spends the other 21 hours of each day submerged up to his nose in a Jacuzzi® to compensate.

I'm having a really hard time being objective about this match because of my strong feelings about the real people the beasts are based on. (I will leave it to my readers to guess of which party I approve or disapprove of; tough call, eh?) Neglecting the obvious winner of an actual Obama vs. Rush match, I think Obamanation vs. Crush is a pretty tough to call. These two are basically immune to each other's powers. Obamanation's main powers are persuasion and quick, piercing jabs, but Crush's pride and thick hide make him immune to both. Crush's powers are unstoppable momentum and his slicing saw, but Obamanation's quick maneuvering cancel out both. The battle could drag on until one party gets tired, but neither of these parties gets tired. Their battle could go on forever, becoming a fixed reference point in space-time, indefinitely delaying the apocalypse while simultaneously promising a navigational aid for time-travelers. Perhaps such a draw would be good?

I think Deflecive has a sound theory. The only way Obamanation can win if he can get enough little nips in at Crush to significantly power himself up for a devastating, ego-peircing blow. But that will take dozens, in hundreds, of little micro bites. Is Obamanation fast enough to avoid the saw that many times? (Crush would only need to hit him once.)
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by StalinSays » Sat Sep 19, 2009 7:41 pm

I designed this match to be something of a stalemate. Because yes, both have a hard time getting to one another. Both are influential, but unable to be influenced. Obama can stick and move, but he's up against a big block of endurance.

I ultimately picture this as King Kong versus airplanes. He's plainly annoyed at the onset, and yes could easily swat them from the sky. But worn down enough he topples from the summit.

Think of a charging grizzly and tranquilizers. Pop him with one or two and you still have a real problem. Pop him with 30 he'll come to a lumbering halt.

Providing he stays away from that saw blade, Obamination will poke about a hundred holes in Crush,. He can then make with the bite once enough blood trickles out to leave Crush woozy. It ain't pretty, but it's victory.

PS: I like the cigar idea, but I've already moved on to the MB3 Skirmish art. How about if he wins?

PPS: Don't forget, guests can vote. Just log out and have another tally. So Tweedy's wife can have her say as well as Tweedy.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by Phenopath » Sat Sep 19, 2009 8:08 pm

Stalin, can you confirm that you are a paid-up member of the Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors fanclub?

Also, Obaminator to win. Crush may get a +6 rage attack, but the Obaminator is a cool customer and I think that the edge.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by F5iver » Sun Sep 20, 2009 4:35 pm

I just them both to destroy each other, or both die in the battle like this: http://bp3.blogger.com/_LuXMzjHgWSY/Rmc ... aviour.png" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false

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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by jonathancg » Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:31 am

Mr. Tweedy wrote:I'm having a really hard time being objective about this match because of my strong feelings about the real people the beasts are based on. (I will leave it to my readers to guess of which party I approve or disapprove of; tough call, eh?)
I personally stick with option three (in my case) -- both parties suck.
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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by normsherman » Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:53 am

Stalemate indeed. But i still have to hold myself to my own standards of interrogation here.

Whenever I break up a nice dinner party by awkwardly asking "which would you do, if you HAD to do one or the other: hack off your own leg from the knee cap with a hatchet, locked in sitting position; or eat one whole stillborn human fetus..."
There is no right or wrong, yes or no, almost nobody can answer it. So yah, they squirm and you poke.

However, as I am poked myself, I also find this one excruciating to decide upon.
Deflective's "Nip Theory" mixed with Phenopath;s comments really resound with me, and I think our beloved really-only-half-black vampire bat scorpion fiend would eventually be able to pick apart our jolly, bloated nattering nabob of pain-killer addicted talk radio after a few days of unbearably commercialized combat.

I think Killery vs Obimination would be a for-sure Pay-per-view sell-out fight. Sadly, we'll have to wait a few years for it, I'm afraid.

In the meantime. The real deal's kickin off with Round 1: Skirmish, The Super Animal Megabeast Deathmatch Challenge Dragoncon Video Podcast. Goin up tonight.

Norm gets dissed by Richard Kiel (Jaws from James Bond), Kendall's eyelid gets infected and starts to smell bad, Luke hits on 12 year old zombie, Adam needs more iron, Steve Eley breeds his nachos with a polar bear, Anthony Elmore turtles up, J. Gillespie stabs a slug with his mom and everyone gets raped by an apologetic Klingon. Enjoy.

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Re: Politico Beasts - Round 3 (The Finals)

Post by deflective » Mon Sep 21, 2009 5:12 am

Mr. Tweedy wrote:"Outrage"? That was "outrage"? I guess you must not have heard much outrage in your life.
italics and an expletive; how would you express outrage? maybe i haven't heard much or maybe you've heard too much, it's all relative.

Mr. Tweedy wrote:Is Obamanation fast enough to avoid the saw that many times? (Crush would only need to hit him once.)
Phenopath wrote:Crush may get a +6 rage attack, but the Obaminator is a cool customer and I think that the edge.
aye, this is obamanation's fight to win or lose. he could play it safe and stay a partisan distance away but he's decided to work towards a decisive victory and combine both their powers into a unified state.

will he be able to live up to he punishing pace he's set himself and remain concentrated on the task at hand or will one of limbsaw's blustering roars distract him long enough to be hit with something that sticks?

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