Please do not be offended that I contacted you with no formal introduction. Your name was submitted to me by a trusted compatriot and one who spoke very highly of your trustworthiness. Please allow me to introduce myself I am Mr FRODO BAGGINS ,lately of Bag End ,Hobbiton.
My ordeal began with the disappearance of my dear Uncle BILBO on his 111st birthday. Soon after I was to experience horrible abuse at the hands of my relatives the SACKVILLE-BAGGINSES. They are challenging my inheritance and seek to see me penniless and living in poverty in Bagshot Row. Fortunately I have recently discovered a Ring of great value that appears to be quite precious. Were I to be able to remove it from the Shire I believe it could help me live quite comfortably in Bree, safely away from my abusive relatives. However ,I must have the help of someone that is not related to me in order to ensure that my relatives do not exert influence over them. To that end ,I have mandated MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK ,Esq. ,to act on my behalf to move the Ring to a safe location. For compensation you will receive a Lesser Ring of Power made that was created for the Men of the West once the Ring is safely out of the Shire.
If you are able to help me in this endeavor please reply with your NAME ,ADDRESS ,FAMILY TREE ,and FAVORITE ALE RECIPE to MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK, Esquire, Brandy Hall, Buckland. Your confidentiality is greatly appreciated. Be assured all modalities are accounted for and aboveboard.
(My name should have come through on the e-mail, but just in case, it's Jason Carlile. I suppose you'll let me know if you need anything else from me. Thanks!)
"Give us all some Jelly"