Tectonic plates shifted, cracking the Earth’s crust, spewing geysers of gas and magma from the bowls of the Earth. The Earth shuddered with unimaginable violence. The shock wave annihilated islands, the tsunami crushed villages.
The tumult shifted my temple, ever so slightly and the vertex of a mammoth obelisk breached the surface of the churning ocean. Not enough to bore into man’s mind, driving him mad with grotesque visions, or forcibly twisting him into obedience, but just enough to tap into the ethereal miasma of the world wide web and send you this email.
I have slept for countless aeons whilst the stars aligned, culminating in the maturation of a CD, in my name, with a killer interest rate.
Unfortunately, I still lay dreaming and cannot use the funds that have accumulated over the passing ages, but do not wish to wait several more millennia for the next window of opportunity. Respond with your bank account and social security numbers and I will entrust this vast fortune, the likes of which no human could spend in seven lifetimes, unto you.
This do and you may use it as you see fit, until the day of my wakening. Along with great fortune beyond comprehension, you will be further rewarded. You will be spared of the insufferable agony and excruciating torment destined to all those not loyal to me.
Mr. C. Thulhu (Deceased)
"Give us all some Jelly"