Having recently been led by favorable circumstances (or, as I now feel, the universe's guiding hand) to make contact with a certain psychic astrological advisor, I have made a profound discovery!
Several hundred years ago, before the unfortunate events involving christians and the pillagings of our lands formerly described as pagan, you were the exhaltedly noble father of my dearest friend who has alas been lost to the winds of reincarnation (she is, apparently, Paris Hilton, a young woman lost to the bosom of materialism and nimfomania).
For reasons now lost to us, keeping of a spirit shard for fire magicks which was previously mine had been given to your Ka and has traversed the life streams through your various incarnations. I am not distraught or offended by this circumstance however. I am informed as the shard can has no benefit for a Water Sign spirit born in Acquarious's age.
Please return this relic by means which I will now describe:
Find a pebble from a river or other source of moving water nearest your esteemed abode. Pray to the fire that it will enter the stone. Tie the stone to a kite and fly it in an easterly wind. Thus that which is mine will pass back to me.
Also, I doubt not of your generous nature which must have passed completely into your now present forms. If you be so kind as I know you to be, please consider the plight of my advisor who as is likely to the persecution of US government for his gracious dealings with less enlightened beings. Send, if you can, one hundred or more dollars to:
c/o Mgr. Greek Siesta Shindig
122 Asimov Lane
Greatful tidings be with you and yours,
Jenna Golding "Skanmarr Gergerison" Smith
"Give us all some Jelly"