Most generous greetings to you most exalted Sirs,
Thank you very much for reading my electric mail! And happy day! I have searched lengthy and fat for a person such as yourselves. You see, I am a most prosperous keeper of olive racing pigeons and have done very good by making them fly faster than the other pigeons. My methods are stern but first prize all the time pays very well and is a good thing for us both I think. It was my dying mother's wish that I was to share my success with persons as worthy as you are most clearly are! I am endlessly happy to have found someone such as yourselves! It fills me with too much greatness of feelings! I would be most honored to teach you all I have learned and to share my winnings with your most exalted and handsome self. Please to write me a check of ten thousand dollars to cover banking fees and I will send you a hundred thousand in return as well as my book on racing pigeons “Fly fast or I'll eat you little bastards!” It has everything I could possibly learn to you.
You honor me beyond measurement,
"Give us all some Jelly"