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MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:28 am
by StalinSays
WINNER: THE RED PANDA (by 13 votes)

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Beast 1:
The Red Panda
Nature: Red Panda
Size: 6'7" (Tall)
Weight: 800 lbs
Communist China's answer to Big Boris - a 9th generation Red Panda, eugenically forged. Oh they said it was to save an endangered species, and yes, re-population was involved, but the stronger pandas, they were taken underground. And from them, monsters were made, via years of captive, selective breeding, and rampant DNA splicing. Though the Red Panda is not a true bear it is truly the size of a bear. Raised by the state, taught only by experts. It is rangy, adaptive, and Its beliefs are unwavering. Metal-capped claws, metal-capped teeth, two back mounted, retracting gun turrets. It receives remote, tactical orders via a communications panel integrated directly in to its grey matter, beamed from a spy satellite. Cheating? Nah man, national pride.

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Beast 2:
Ursus Oop'sus
Nature: Cave Bear
Size: 25' (Long) 18' (Tall)
Weight: 4 tons
Also known as Ursus Doofus, it is the largest bear to ever have existed. The Oops'us's lungs are twice as large as would be expected for an animal of its size, the benefit being that as it runs and fights its massive muscles become more oxygenated, leaving it more energized as the battle wears on. High running speed and razor sharp claws. Unfortunately, its none too coordinated, and prone to tripping over its massive limbs.

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Beast 3:
Solar Bear
Nature: Polar Bear
Size: 11' (Tall {hind legs})
Weight: 2 tons
Powered by the sun. In addition to the strength and savagery of the average polar bear, Solar Bear can produce a blinding flash to stun foes, as well as emit focused light as a beam blast. Weakness: sweating profusely from paradoxical arctic nature.

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Beast 4:
Pigwig
Nature: Bear/Pig
Size: 6'3" (Tall) 25' (Hair-length)
Weight: 600 lbs
As a laugh, a mischievous zookeeper put lipstick on a pig, snapped a picture, and sent it to friends with subject: Sheila (his ex-girlfriend). Hilarious. But in the 2 minutes it took to fire off the email, a smitten grizzly bear mated with it. From this seeming genetic impossibility comes the terrifically heinous Pigwig. As smart as the smartest potbellied pig. Aggressive as a grizzly. The size of a body-builder. As hairy as a wig factory explosion. Gender confused. PW's features are masked within a sea of hair, making a direct attack problematic. Said quaff emerges directly from the beast's nervous system, and obeys MBW's mental command, behaving like a liquid mass of tendrils. Wander in: meet an unspeakable end.

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Beast 5:
Kowalrus
Nature: Walrus/Koala
Size: 7' (Tall) 15' (Long)
Weight: 11 tons
The MBDM2012's densest competitor. Organs are buried under layers and layers of flab. High pain threshold. Moves silently. Prefers high elevations and pancaking attacks (you wouldn't believe it, this thing climbs), also known for lateral roll steamroller attack. Sharp claws, sharp tusks. Immune to poison (not that it matters in this heat).

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Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 7:15 am
by bo_puppet
We'll be overtaken by China sooner or later. Why not save time, order Rosetta Stone Mandarin today!

The Red Panda will be red with bear gore - for Teh Winz!11

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 8:00 am
by ROU Killing Time
It's Kowalrus all the way, bay-bay...

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 8:05 am
by Christi
Kowulrus will be the destroyer.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 11:02 pm
by Mikes
Kowulrus? Nah, just look at those ears. They're just asking to be grabbed to bring it's cute little nose into knee-meets-face situation.

Ursus Oop'sus all the way. Not only does it have a proper grown up name, it's bloody 18' tall! He could turkey slap any of the others in this round without bending.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:34 am
by Christi
Ursus'Oopsus??..no way man! He is uncoordinated, clumsy, he will be going for the kill and trip over his own oversized paw. At that point Kowalrus will body slam him and suffocate the slobbering bear beast with his pancake attack, he then rips Ursus apart with his tusks, from the naval to the jugular. Oops!!! Yo ass is dead!!

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:39 am
by Mikes
You're talking about a beast that needs something to jump from. I'd count myself fairly well educated, but I can't think of a WW2 battle that happened around a jungle gym.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:38 pm
by Christi
Whatcha talking ‘bout?! Kowalrus can “Climb” and if that attack fails he will steamroll the lumbering Oopsus.
I don’t know about no Jungle gyms, and I’m not that edicated m’self, although I’m pirtty sure there were some dive bomb attacks from up high back ina day...I think them armies had em’selves some aeroplanes.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 3:02 am
by Mikes
What I mean is if there's nothing to climb then Kowalrus has lost its major advantage.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 9:01 am
by Christi
I find it hard to argue with anyone awesome enough to have a collection of fantasy battle figurines. I mean that, Respect! It makes our (Candiboy’s and mine) Heman / SheRa collection look silly. You are amazingly cool, BUT!!! You are forgetting that Kowalrus also has the Steamroller attack; he’s not limited to one method of carnage. Once his steamrolled the fumbling Oopsus, he will climb up his quivering body (yeah, he can climb) and pancake attack, causing Oopsus’eseses(?) brains to explode through his nostrils in a gruesome, yet satisfyingly gratuitous display of violence (and really, who among us does not enjoy a gratuitous display of violence?!)

But all of this is pointless, RedPanda seems to be annihilating all, with his conservative communist ramblings (and gun turrets…and sat. intelligence ). Cant believe we are letting the CCP win this thing!!?

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:38 pm
by Mikes
Christi wrote:You are forgetting that Kowalrus also has the Steamroller attack
I'm not forgetting. I'm ignoring, because it spoils my argument.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 12:29 am
by StalinSays
Speaking of spoiled arguments, here comes my (patent pending) circle of death. What beast beats what beast in a rock/paper/scissors style, and who breaks the circle!
  • Kowalrus beats Pigwig - There's just too much bear and not enough hair
    Ursus Oop'sus beats Kowalrus - Big meets bigger, bigger wins
    The Red Panda beats Ursus Oop'sus - it's simple, and easily overwhelmed by a tactically inclined opponent
    Solar Bear beats The Red Panda - RP's vision is gone in a flash, satellite communications drop out due to solar flare, and hey, who turned up the heat?
    Pigwig beats Solar Bear - bangs shade from blinding flashes, a concealed body makes for a hard target, and tendrils do the rest
So who breaks the cycle? Who is spoiler!?

Red Panda - espionage and intelligence gathering gives him a view of the battle not even approached by his ravenous peers. His threat assessment leads him to a surprise, early assault on Solar Bear, taking the queen off the board, and then it's but a series of cruise control moves until it's check mate.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:02 am
by strawman
I object.

Red Panda's ideologogical blinders are, well, look at the word: It means his blind logic is idiotic. He always concludes what has been drilled into him. One minute he's the life of the Party, the next he's giving his life for the Party, and what does he have to show for it? A "Rocky & Bullwinkle Counter-Revolutionaries" T-shirt and a posthumous Lenin Prize.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:14 am
by Mikes
strawman wrote:One minute he's the life of the Party, the next he's giving his life for the Party, and what does he have to show for it?
The world's most stable, strongest and fastest growing economy?

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:54 am
by strawman
Mikes wrote:
strawman wrote:One minute he's the life of the Party, the next he's giving his life for the Party, and what does he have to show for it?
The world's most stable, strongest and fastest growing economy?
Right, second only to the pre-Civil War US Confederacy. Up until, in a tsunami of self-righteous legislated morality, the means of production were confiscated.

Say what you will about Mussolini, the trains ran on time.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:02 am
by StalinSays
Ha. This topic about imaginary animals fighting is getting dark..

The picture I have formed of China, seeing it projected on the walls of my cave (I've never been, and likely never will), is that it's presently in an 'advance at all costs' phase, a la Stalinism. For all that the US lets slide (the occasional uncapped gusher in the gulf, a slide in workers' rights, the whole corporations being people thing), you'll read a story out of China and realize we're a neurotic super model, worried about a slightly less that circular freckle on our shoulder, compared to the strife and ugliness they're marching straight over. And that is the place from which the Red Panda arises. He is 39, yet as far as the Olympics competition committee knows, a tittering 17 year old.

Bring on the corruption, bring on the destruction! I need to be sure that forums.drabblecast.org is no longer a valid result on google.cn by the time MBDM2012 is through!

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:10 am
by Mikes
The thing about China is when soemthing needs doing, it gets done. Village of people in the way? No problem! Will it cause the extinction of a rare grasshopper? Are they as cute as pandas? no? No porblem!

The 'dicussion' over whether we should have a high speed rail line in democratic Australia has been going back and forth for over a decade. The Chinese would be using maglevs in that time.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:32 pm
by Christi
Ok, so, communism it is…guess I should just accept this, I think its happening this side of the world anyhow.
Um…Maglevs – isn’t there already one in Shanghai?
We got our first rapid speed train just last year!! Unfortunately it doesn’t work very often due to cable theft, but hey, maybe the communists can put a stop to that, or at the very least, we wont know about it because the news will be censored.

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:48 pm
by strawman
YOU HAVE A HIGH-SPEED CABLE CAR???

Re: MBDM 2012 - Ursine Heat

Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:18 pm
by Christi
strawman wrote:YOU HAVE A HIGH-SPEED CABLE CAR???
Doesnt everybody??