MBDM 2012 R1 Squarrel vs Phantom Ray vs Red Panda

[StalinSays]

Finally out of the heats - the official opening round of the Mega Beast Death Match 2012. Three beasts return. Only one survives, and lives to absorb the powers and countenances of his fallen foes. Vote to decide (re-voting allowed, and for the love of jeebus tell a friend!). First podcast of the new season is in the can and coming soon. Voting wraps up 4/22.

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Beast 1:
Squarrel
Nature: squirrel
Size: 12' (Tall)
Weight: 3 tons
A paint addled squirrel - completely buggered. Once an ordinary pest, the Squarrel fell in to an industrial paint vat, and ate its way out. This transformative event swelled it to the size of a moose. Lead in paint has made its blood toxic, the silicas bonded with its muscles, lending strength and density. Massive, ever growing incisors seek bone on which to be cut. Maddened state causes fearless, rabid behavior - will attack beyond the limitations of self preservation. Can stuff a full competitor in its paunchy cheeks. Skin flaps between limbs allows for gliding and soft landings if repelled (despite immense size).

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Beast 2:
Phantom Ray
Nature: Manta Ray
Size: 25' (across)
Weight: 3 tons
An air-breathing, flight enabled manta ray. Via stealth technology can become 90% invisibility. Able to break sound barrier, fire projectile spikes from its tail, wrap it's "wings" around opponent's head to smother, and drop a pair of concussive missiles.

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Beast 3:
The Red Panda
Nature: Red Panda
Size: 6'7" (Tall)
Weight: 800 lbs
Communist China's answer to Big Boris - a 9th generation Red Panda, eugenically forged. Oh they said it was to save an endangered species, and yes, re-population was involved, but the stronger pandas, they were taken underground. And from them, monsters were made, via years of captive, selective breeding, and rampant DNA splicing. Though the Red Panda is not a true bear it is truly the size of a bear. Raised by the state, taught only by experts. It is rangy, adaptive, and Its beliefs are unwavering. Metal-capped claws, metal-capped teeth, two back mounted, retracting gun turrets. It receives remote, tactical orders via a communications panel integrated directly in to its grey matter, beamed from a spy satellite. Cheating? Nah man, national pride.

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[ROU Killing Time]

Black and white (and red all over.)

[strawman]

DC version of Hunger Games.

Go! Phantom Ray Charles!

[admiralsunshine]

Phantom Ray all the way.

At the start of the round he'll go 90% invisible. The rabid and crazed Squarrel will attack the first thing it can keep its eyes on, the Red Panda. The Red Panda will be too preoccupied shooting the Squarrel to bits to notice the translucent Phantom Ray dropping his bombs from above, killing it. End of round.

Also, looking forward to the podcast!

[Mikes]

In my mind, this is really a fight between Squarrel and the Red Panda, and that's down to RP's tech and support.

Phantom Ray's ability to fly and turn translucent is useless against RPs remote spotting support, and his gun turrets would allow him to seek out and blow PR out of the sky before he gets anywhere near RP.

Which leaves Squarrel. Squarrel has no ranged capabilities, so we can assume he's used to dodging anything coming his way to get within chewing range. Squirrels move like little, rabid balls of lightening, laping from tree to tree, dodging behind cover, changing direction as if they're not on speaking terms with the laws of physics. The question is; can he get to RP to make those teeth and claws count?

I don't think he can.

RP's utterly convicted to his cause, and nothing but victory would suffice for him. He'd be able to keep his cool and make every shot count before Squarrel could get near him.

And everyone that voted for Phantom Ray were just pulled in the the cool looking wings, pah! One Steve Erwin does not a mega beast make.

[admiralsunshine]

Your logical argument is made useless by the fact that it was post #666

Back devil beast!

[Mikes]

Ah-ha! Ripost!

The Number of the Beast isn't 666-it's 616.

I've been a beast for 50 posts! Er.... 51.

[tbaker2500]

Hoaky, I love the art for Phantom but Red Panda has this win. Freshly back from Germany, he can hypnotize you and you won't even want to fight.

Wait, am I getting my podcasts confused?

[admiralsunshine]

Hmm......What's the delay on a beam from a satellite?

[strawman]

I was posted in Germany when Red Panda was on the other side of the iron curtain with 50,000 tanks massed to overun our positions within an hour of being given the order. Everyone overestimated the Red Menace. All it took was an alcoholic mayor of Moscow, and RP was off in search of bamboo shoots.

But I see your obvious tactic, Tom. You wait to determine the early leader, then form a counterwave. But Phantom Ray Charles is going have RP singing the blues with Squarrel in a run-down, smokey dive before this round is over, and that's before he takes off his sunglasses and RP realizes that mother ain't blind after all.

[Mikes]

How does he take sunglasses off without fingers? How'd he put them on in the first place? I call shenanigans!

[Dr. Ew]

RP's turrets will blow those Ray-Bans right off for him. Panda FTW!

[tbaker2500]

I'm still trying to reconcile a Canadian superhero and a Russian superbeast.

Where's the Squarrel love?

[strawman]

It is apparent that Drabblecast has a rather large faction of unwashed Occupy Speculative Fiction campers. These 5 people knew which way they were voting even before they got to the PANDA part, for God's sake, and have enlisted the Chicago zombie vote to their corrupt ends. Jar Jar Binks is a Red Panda community organizer.

Phantom Ray, on the other hand, is committed to the light side of the Force. While it is true that he has some "irregular" religious convictions, including some stuff about an angel named 'Moroni' (apparently just to see how far they could take the joke) Phantom Ray was able to convince the people of an entire Red Panda state in New England to vote for him. And they, being Moronis themselves, elected him!

Phantom Ray's got serious skillz, folks.
And smooth hair.

Wait a sec... isn't that him and Squarrel walking up your driveway now?

[cinnamon]

I'm still trying to reconcile a Canadian superhero and a Russian superbeast.

Where's the Squarrel love?

I love Squarrel, because I love me some bruticaine, but I seem to consistently pick losers.

[Mikes]

Where's the Squarrel love?

I'm waiting to see Rule 34 in action now.

[strawman]

Where's the Squarrel love?

I'm waiting to see Rule 34 in action now.

Rule 34b: One Exception: Squarrel peg don't fit in Round hole.

[ROU Killing Time]

I really should be thinking in terms of who would be weakest against Snaketopus.

[Mikes]

No don't think that way. If Snaketopuss can't stand his own ground on his merits he doesn't desrve to get through.

Anyway, that 'failed' missile launch out of North Korea last week? Nothing 'failed' about it. Red Panda just sneezed.

[tbaker2500]

Where are the brackets again?

Anyway, I thought phantom ray was the clear helper on that missile launch. I mean, he's almost invisible, and flies!