Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

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secretnude
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ManCat was on a thin line away from being dead

Post by secretnude » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:59 am

On one previous ManCat rhyme and time,
ManCat was on a thin line away from being dead
from a gunshot by JokeRat in the head.

ManCat engaged adaptive camo
and hit gun with non lethal ammo.

Grumpy faced cat now stared at a rat
so astounded that the trap was not a wrap!
It is no longer fun, JokeRat started to run!

On a thrown ManCatarang wingtip, JokeRat tripped!
From his utility pelt, ManCat used some nanocarbon rope
to secure the rat in a manner that escape has no hope.

Tune in next ManCat time for the next ManCat rhyme.
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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tbaker2500
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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by tbaker2500 » Fri Dec 13, 2013 4:30 pm

Getting better!
"Engaged some adaptive cammo" isn't quite clear. But you are starting to build a cohesive story.
You're my quasi-ichthian angel, you're my half-amphibian queen...

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:01 pm

secretnude, I think strawman's got some valid points. You've got a distinct voice, which is a good thing. You have weird ideas, which is also not bad. It is when your grammar gets really strained and the meaning of words seemingly disregarded that you lose us. Using words in unexpected ways is sometimes good. Using them in incomprehensible ways usually is not. I hope you can take that as constructive criticism rather than a personal attack.

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Re: ManCat was on a thin line away from being dead

Post by strawman » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:14 pm

I agree it is markedly improved. However
secretnude wrote:
At gun fired....
Doesn't make grammatical sense
secretnude wrote: Carbon nanocarbon rope...
as opposed to cotton nanocarbon?
secretnude wrote:...of which escaping that has no hope...
"That" is in need of an FAA crash investigator to reconstruct its original connection to the rope, knotted up in the act of "of which escaping"

I believe you need to slow down, because you often get yourself in trouble with the first part of your couplet, from which only tortured grammar or nonsense in the second part become your only escape options. Consider the two parts as a whole, so you don't head down a one-way street to begin with.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:27 pm

^^All of this.

And secretnude, I know you're just doing this for fun, but I think you'll find it a lot more fun if you figure out how to express your weird ideas without breaking the language in the process. CHALLENGE!

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by Varda » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:37 pm

Yeah, I agree. You're making huge strides, Secretnude - I'm impressed at how far you've come in just a few days! I think the next challenge will be refining your process so that story, poetry, and grammar all come together into a single, glorious 100 words.

It's tough, though. Drabbles look easy on the surface, but can require just as much as, if not, more than, longer stories. I write a lot of drabbles, too, and while some of them don't take long to write, sometimes I take days to write one. Of the 3 drabbles I've had picked and produced, the first one went through several drafts and probably took a couple weeks from start to finish, because I wanted to fit in a long timeline. The second one took about week, mainly because it was a contemplation on a difficult subject. And my most recent one came together really fast once I had the idea, but I pondered the Solipsism theme for ages before I figured out an angle I wanted to write about.

Anyway, long story short, the point's that it's okay to take a little more time to make it perfect. If you're completely happy with it, everyone else will likely enjoy it as well.

Other drabblers, how long does it usually take you guys to write drabbles? I'm all curious now about whether I'm remarkably snailish or not!
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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Fri Dec 13, 2013 6:52 pm

It depends. I rarely edit mine for very long. Most of the editing I do to drabbles consists of cutting them down to fit in 100 words, and the more of that I have to do, the worse the result usually is because there's just too much story for the form. I also don't take long in the physical act of writing them, but sometimes they knock around in my mind for days, progressing from a phrase or an image to a character to a full-blown story, before I feel ready to commit them to words.

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the self aware squid that expresses itself in rhymes

Post by secretnude » Sat Dec 14, 2013 12:30 am

I am the self aware squid that expresses itself in rhymes
for whom writing drabbles does not take much time.
Verse may be the only form of communication I know,
I am glad that interest in my poetry you show

that you care enough to give critical review
and that does take some time in my view.
I communicate in a data packet of one hundred words,
I know my data protocol is absurd!

I send this transmission while on a personal mission
to sink some Russian Subs.
Mayhem and destruction, I really do love!
Oh, an explosion by Jove!
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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secretnude
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my techno babble in my tiny drabble.

Post by secretnude » Sat Dec 14, 2013 4:16 am

tbaker2500 wrote:Getting better!
"Engaged some adaptive cammo" isn't quite clear. But you are starting to build a cohesive story.

Adaptive camo is true.
Means invisibility from view.
Animals like squids have chromatophores
that science has just started to explore

which could really lend
humanity clothes that blend
to the environment like a Chameleon
and make soldiers stealthy like lions

on a grassy plain.
I just did not have space to explain
my techno babble
in my tiny drabble.

I do engage in jargon
since I watched Trek on television
and loved big words
that most people never heard.

I know I am a nerd.
I do play loose with words
that maybe absurd
but it is fun, gotta run...
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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gunsofchekhovia
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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Sat Dec 14, 2013 5:12 am

Jargon is cool. This is, after all, a science fiction venue (in part). But "engaged" was a weird verb choice there.

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by Varda » Sat Dec 14, 2013 5:55 am

Hmm, maybe "indulge" in jargon would get at the right meaning.
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Captain Picard says "Engage!"

Post by secretnude » Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:04 am

A Trek Fan knows when Captain Picard says "Engage!"
the Enterprise D goes to warp, setting the stage
for the next stellar destination
or a Federation space mission.

Star Trek TNG has influenced much
of my mini fiction that such
I will engage in using engage
I do apologise if you are enraged.

Please see attached link
if your eyes do not blink,
a Star Trek marriage proposal
that I might soon have at my disposal

since I am still a bachelor
so geeky that I have not explored
marriage or even dating yet
even if I am financially set.

http://geekologie.com/2011/05/captains- ... d-says.php
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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secretnude
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a genetically enhanced dog that breathes a strange fog

Post by secretnude » Sat Dec 14, 2013 11:43 am

Dr. Mitty's laboratory, you see,
had a test subject number three,
a genetically enhanced dog
that breathes a strange fog

of drugs on his nose cap
but it was no handicap
as he escaped the laboratory,
this Labrador stole this story.

This Labrador did fight well,
even without the ability to bite well
due to his strange nose cap
since his enemies became handicapped.

A pack of Dogs made him top
and he became impossible to stop.
He set some criminals free
and began a crime spree.

He is now called DogCane by the press
and police commissioner is distressed.
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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secretnude
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Re: ManCat was on a thin line away from being dead

Post by secretnude » Sat Dec 14, 2013 8:46 pm

strawman wrote:I agree it is markedly improved. However
secretnude wrote:
At gun fired....
Doesn't make grammatical sense
secretnude wrote: Carbon nanocarbon rope...
as opposed to cotton nanocarbon?
secretnude wrote:...of which escaping that has no hope...
"That" is in need of an FAA crash investigator to reconstruct its original connection to the rope, knotted up in the act of "of which escaping"

I believe you need to slow down, because you often get yourself in trouble with the first part of your couplet, from which only tortured grammar or nonsense in the second part become your only escape options. Consider the two parts as a whole, so you don't head down a one-way street to begin with.

I write in fast and furious pace
since my mind seems to be in a race
to explore a built up universe
I would really like to share in verse

of poetry in one hundred words
which is the definition of absurd
and truly strange.
I may be deranged.

I am the evil sadistic one.
Torturing language is fun
in order to construct silly puns

in my underground base
with a not so clear a phrase

by mercy I still sometimes show.
I sometimes edit as now you know
since confession was not obtained
from the language that I strained.
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by strawman » Sat Dec 14, 2013 9:24 pm

Poetry in 100 words is no more the definition of absurd than 14 lines of iambic pentameter with a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g rhyme scheme is the definition of absurd. It is the definition of a sonnet.

And 17 "on" in three lines of 5-7-5 on are the definition of haiku. The definition of absurd is "associated with extremely poor reasoning, the ridiculous, or nonsense".

We ask you to consider that there is a difference between "strange" and "absurd". It is exactly insofar as strange makes sense and increases understanding that the Drabblecast aspires to be strange. We're not aiming for ridiculous. If we occasionally hit it anyway, it is accidental.

Now, do you see what happened there?
" my mind seems to be in a race
to explore a built up universe
I would really like to share in verse

of poetry in one hundred words
which is the definition of absurd
and truly strange.

I may be deranged.


Racing past one hundred words to a nonsensical conflation of absurd and strange.

Have you not read The Wind in the Willows? Consider Mr. Toad in his roadster. Reach out to Badger and Mole, won't you?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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secretnude
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"strange" and "absurd"

Post by secretnude » Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:16 am

I will let you know,
I am not a literary pro
I like expressing in rhymes
simply to pass the time.

I am not sure of your background
but it is nice to have you around
since to someone not into literary forms,
your comments do inform.

If any of my rhymes fit a form,
it is accidental not informed
and not constructed in a manner
to fit parameters that really matter

to a literary pro, like you
it seems in my view.

My desire to write seems to me absurd
since I do not earn anything from my words.
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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strawman
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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by strawman » Sun Dec 15, 2013 1:33 am

Wordcraft is an undervalued art, and few are they who earn a comfortable living from it.
But all who do it well profit greatly by it and become rich.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Dec 15, 2013 1:48 am

"It was midnight, midnight at noon.
Everyone talked in rhymes.
Everyone saw the big clock ticking.
Nobody knew, nobody knew the time."

Sting, "Jeremiah Shuffle"
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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kids did get mutant power sets (Holiday Stories Theme)

Post by secretnude » Sun Dec 15, 2013 8:13 am

Santa Claws is Santa's is naughty pet cat
and there is nothing Santa do about that.

One day, before Christmas day
on Santa's red bag the cat clawed away.

Santa did not check if the bag is good
since Santa is always in the mood
to deliver the gifts extremely swift.

Hence up in the air, the bag did tear
and gifts fell on radioactive ground
since a defunct nuke plant was around.

No time for new gifts,
Santa picked them swift
despite the radiation
that did spread in that nation
and all the kids did get
mutant power sets.
"Be Authentically Weird and be Weird
enough to be in a Category of One."

"It's time to shake up staid traditions
in favor of strange experimentation."

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Re: Secretnude's Drabble Poetry Corner

Post by tbaker2500 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 5:14 pm

Ha! Nice. I like it. Not sure if the radiation helps or hurts the story, it would be fine without it. But the first line caught my attention and made me smile.
You're my quasi-ichthian angel, you're my half-amphibian queen...

The Dribblecast, we don't care if you sound like an idiot.

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