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A PSA from ROU Killing Time Until Retirement

Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:17 am
by ROU Killing Time
“Explaining Traffic Safety To Your Children”

By Steven Dana Lidster

Sometimes there are good reasons for laws to be in place.

Take the speed of light, for instance. You kids are always complaining about how far it is to the next star and how long it will take to get there.

It is literally impossible for me to tell you how many times I’ve heard the words “are we there, yet?”

Well, children. Let me explain why daddy obeys the speed limit when we are all on vacation.

You see, this man named Einstein (who everyone thinks was just a party pooper who never got invited to go on a joy ride) he figured out that as daddy’s spaceship gets closer to the speed of light the mass increases exponentially (that means “gets really really heavy” is one way to look at it.)

And besides unsightly weight gain, there’s one other teeny little problem.

If daddy breaks the speed limit with our spaceship that would make our mass increase to infinity, and that’s how big bangs happen.

Daddy wants you to know that speed limit is there to protect you because I only know any of this because I used to drive really fast, and I broke the law.

After the crash I barely lived but nobody in the starship with me survived. Everyone I cherished as much as I cherish you all were lost to daddy, forever.

Daddy loves you, and he promises he’ll never speed again.

Is everyone buckled?

Good.

Now, who wants to go for some ice cream?