Celebrity death predictions for 2014

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revsleestaxx
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Celebrity death predictions for 2014

Postby revsleestaxx » Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:58 pm

Celebrity death predictions for 2014

Every year I post in my blog a list of public figures I predict will be called home (except for a couple who will burn in hell). Some are permanently on my list just because a clock is right twice a day.

This year’s list is;

Lindsay Lohan: Bet hedging again! I suspect that she is into guys again and her female lover will exact vengeance. I predict gunshot in a Chelsea hotel and NYPD will find her nude, in a pile of Hong Kong dollars and her "ex-lover" high on bath salts.

Brittany Spears: Although it appears that she has surrounded herself with some good people and her last album is reminisce of her early work I have to keep her on the list. It is always calmest before the storm.

Lorde: She is the new Amy Whine house. You all remember I won on Amy Whinehouse (2011)? Well this tart is clearly on the same road.

Bill Clinton: Last year I bet on George Bush. I lost! So for this year’s dead president I am going to go with someone who's life style is more conducive to the theme. This chubby chaser eats like a pig, He isi due for a heart attack from blockage and quite frankly also has a pissed off wife. I predict he either has the heart attack or his wife, in a bid for the sympathy vote, has him offed, do you all remember Vince Foster?

Warren Ellis: This man has escaped tragic death for the last five years and his personal physician has been secretly treating genital fungus from an orange gourd. He will finally succumb. His agent will make the statement but will never mention this man’s fetish with vegetables.

Piers Morgan: This limey pumpkin fucker is doomed to die from an accidental discharge of his own gun or a surprise fork attack.

Ke$ha: No normal person spells their name with a dollar sign and can expect to live long. I expect someone who spells their name like that AND has an eating disorder to escape the reaper's scythe.

Sunny Leone: “You can never EVER leave the Indian porn industry. The Indian Mafia will make an example of her. The authorities will find her poisoned from a Porter House steak from China.

Hulk Hogan: The aliens that are sucking the life from him can only suck so much, before they pull the dregs from the souls of his feet.

Al Gore: The plane crash into the Arkansas Mountains will not kill him, but the natives of the hidden town will force him into a “fight to the death” cage match and he will not last more than 5 minutes.

Michael Capellas: This poser will probably find himself in “Club Fed”. He will be found shanked by a knife made from a steak bone, left to bleed out in the chapel while praying to the false god “Andbanc”.

Mark Hurd: Dear lord why do I have to endure a world with this fucker?
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Re: Celebrity death predictions for 2014

Postby Varda » Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:17 pm

This. Is. Awesome.

Now I'm dying* to see your list from last year. How well did you do in 2013?




*See what I did there?
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Re: Celebrity death predictions for 2014

Postby Algernon Sydney is Dead » Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:29 pm

revsleestaxx wrote:Bill Clinton: Last year I bet on George Bush. I lost! So for this year’s dead president I am going to go with someone who's life style is more conducive to the theme. This chubby chaser eats like a pig, He isi due for a heart attack from blockage and quite frankly also has a pissed off wife. I predict he either has the heart attack or his wife, in a bid for the sympathy vote, has him offed, do you all remember Vince Foster?


Nah. He's doing such "good" work that there's no way that the devil will call him home early (only the good die young, yada, yada...).

Likewise, Hillary is running on Bill's record and Bill has never been more popular as a speaker and fundraiser. Hillary won't off him until, at least, Christmas 2016 (win or lose).

~~~
I predict that Jimmy Carter will kark it. He's the oldest, pretty much useless, and when Chris Christie and Joe Biden split the Nobel prize, it will be the last straw for his poor ticker.

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Re: Celebrity death predictions for 2014

Postby revsleestaxx » Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:40 pm

So this is a bit embarrassing and i blame everyone else for calling me out on this. as last years list is close to this years list.

Because some of these are grudges and I was crunched for time on the others.


and the only time i ever hit one was 2011 on Amy Whinehouse
2013 ’s list was;

Lindsay Lohan: Bet hedging This is a hot mess waiting to be a multicar pileup on the Los Angeles expressway at 6:00p on a Monday no less.

Brittany Spears: Every year this train wreck approaches the abyss and for some reason or another she pulls out. This is a tradition since I started this annual post.

Betty White: Her age and the fact that everyone loves her will be such a devastating blow to all of us. "Like a candle in the wind"

George Bush: Well crap! Someone has to say it, we are due for a dead president and because of his recent illness he appears to be the best candidate. I know we all wish for another but sorry I am going with this one.

Warren Ellis: His health is failing and his work ethic will not let him take time off to mend properly. not to mention this is also the year of the asshole. I am also predicting some sort of genital fungus infection from a late season pumpkin.

Piers Morgan: This is the one I want! Just because I want to be right just once and be happy about it. more like a prayer then a prediction.

Justin Assange: Will be assassinated like Aaron Swartz and we will find it is Kevin Mitnick doing the attacks over the internet. Yeah get out your aluminum hats.

Chitrangda Singh: Because of her work in Bollywood and recent announcement that she is willing to do adult films makes her a perfect martyr for a caste set of entertainers.

Hulk Hogan: Have you seen this man? it is like aliens have been sucking the very life from him. It is only a matter of time before they slurp the bottom of the cup and go "oops".

Al gore: This one is really funny. I am told (by my spiritual guardians) that he is going succumb to heat stroke while talking about global warming and the evils of strip mining in Alaska. Or his plane goes down after spewing dead dinosaur fumes across the globe preaching about the danger of fossil fuels.

Michael Capellas: This escapee from the short bus just ditched is bicycle helmet and stumbled into a board room. It is only a matter of time before the business world realises he his grifting with a game of three card Monte and they all burn him at the stake like the evil, demon humping witch that he is. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Mark Hurd: While the country is underwater in monetary debt, this bitch dog fucker waste of human skin is morally and ethically underwater too and Satan is about to accelerate the debt and foreclose on his ass. So there you go bitch, suck on that while your toes burn in the eternal flames of Hell!
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Re: Celebrity death predictions for 2014

Postby tbaker2500 » Thu Jan 09, 2014 2:25 am

revsleestaxx wrote:Al Gore: The plane crash into the Arkansas Mountains will not kill him, but the natives of the hidden town will force him into a “fight to the death” cage match and he will not last more than 5 minutes.


This is hilarious!
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