Destroy Portland
Destroy Portland
In honour of the numerous forum members who hail for Portland Oregon I have created a giant robot to destroy your city. Please note that I have in no way been distracted by my ignorance of the subject matter...
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Steveo (stoner and hair metal enthusiast) was chilling out on the roof of the bakery where he "worked" when he was woken by an explosion.
"What the hell?" he yelled, leaping to his feet to see that downtown Portland was ablaze.
Two blocks away a metal giant (looking like Truckasaurus gone bad) was kicking the shit out of the Portland Art Museum, whilst incidentally stomping fleeing tourists.
"Leave it out, asshole!" Steveo screamed defiantly.
The robot slowly turned its dumpster sized head, before lumbering towards Ernie's 24 Hour Bagel Emporium upon which our hero stood.
What would Van Halen do?
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Steveo (stoner and hair metal enthusiast) was chilling out on the roof of the bakery where he "worked" when he was woken by an explosion.
"What the hell?" he yelled, leaping to his feet to see that downtown Portland was ablaze.
Two blocks away a metal giant (looking like Truckasaurus gone bad) was kicking the shit out of the Portland Art Museum, whilst incidentally stomping fleeing tourists.
"Leave it out, asshole!" Steveo screamed defiantly.
The robot slowly turned its dumpster sized head, before lumbering towards Ernie's 24 Hour Bagel Emporium upon which our hero stood.
What would Van Halen do?
- ROU Killing Time
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Re: Destroy Portland
I see you've been to Portland. 

"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.
Re: Destroy Portland
I've only been to Portland once, so I guess that makes me one of the stomped tourists.
Highly enjoyable read, of a kind that I would like to see more of around here, and I don't mean giant robots, I mean strait forward story and good characterization... and giant robots

Highly enjoyable read, of a kind that I would like to see more of around here, and I don't mean giant robots, I mean strait forward story and good characterization... and giant robots

“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”
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Re: Destroy Portland
Very worthy goal!
If the robot just tells the hippies that it's made of recycled materials and runs on biodiesel, they would no-doubt help it.

If the robot just tells the hippies that it's made of recycled materials and runs on biodiesel, they would no-doubt help it.
Re: Destroy Portland
Nor have I been to Baltimore...ROU Killing Time wrote:I see you've been to Portland.
CCC Relentless
Re: Destroy Portland
Pheno, you're the reason Texas won't allow concealed weapons in an establishment whose income is more than 50% alcohol sales.
If you destroy Portland, you will have wiped out a third of the forum, as well as a majority of the strangeness therein. Plus, you will have given Texas justification for its irrational concealed weapons laws (Do you realize that a drunk in Texas has a 30% higher chance of being a victim of a violent crime?)
Okay, I made that up, and it's not true. I just received an email from the Texas NRA that explains that law: Tests confirmed that the majority of Texans could not find a concealed weapon when intoxicated. So the law merely means you have to carry the weapon around in your hand when drunk.
Never mind. All is well.
If you destroy Portland, you will have wiped out a third of the forum, as well as a majority of the strangeness therein. Plus, you will have given Texas justification for its irrational concealed weapons laws (Do you realize that a drunk in Texas has a 30% higher chance of being a victim of a violent crime?)
Okay, I made that up, and it's not true. I just received an email from the Texas NRA that explains that law: Tests confirmed that the majority of Texans could not find a concealed weapon when intoxicated. So the law merely means you have to carry the weapon around in your hand when drunk.
Never mind. All is well.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Re: Destroy Portland
I'm currently one of those tourests, so if the monster could avoid my friend's apartment and Powells, I'd appreciate it.
Re: Destroy Portland
While only 2 blocks away from the art museum i am sure i would not hear it over the protesters at Ungar Fur. There is now a civil noise abatement against them but they seem to have good lawyers. In the mean time i can take a nap in the afternoon. nice Drabble.
Drabbillus Haventnpigeonholdhimus
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- eric_marsh
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Re: Destroy Portland
Well I must say that this is quite a good drabble and I'm also pleased that Sandman has taken the time to understand Texas law. I bet there's a drabble somewhere in there too.
I was born and raised in Seattle and lived for a while in Eugene, a bit further down I-5 from Portland. I really liked Eugene - it didn't rain as much as Seattle. Makes me wonder if there's a correlation between spending one's younger years in wet climates and drabbling. I've heard that it's rainy in England too. The only time I was there I was passing through Heathrow. The skies were gray, somewhat similar to a summer day in the Pacific Northwest.
Now I own a ranch in central Texas. http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source= ... -97.626047 Texas had blue skies every day. In fact we recently had blue skies and no rain for about a year and a half which turned my lake into a pond with fish flopping out on the shore to escape the water. Hopefully that drought didn't adversely affect my ability to drabble.
I was born and raised in Seattle and lived for a while in Eugene, a bit further down I-5 from Portland. I really liked Eugene - it didn't rain as much as Seattle. Makes me wonder if there's a correlation between spending one's younger years in wet climates and drabbling. I've heard that it's rainy in England too. The only time I was there I was passing through Heathrow. The skies were gray, somewhat similar to a summer day in the Pacific Northwest.
Now I own a ranch in central Texas. http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source= ... -97.626047 Texas had blue skies every day. In fact we recently had blue skies and no rain for about a year and a half which turned my lake into a pond with fish flopping out on the shore to escape the water. Hopefully that drought didn't adversely affect my ability to drabble.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. - Horace Walpole
Eric's Drabbles: http://eric-marsh.blogspot.com/"
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Re: Destroy Portland
Nice lake.eric_marsh wrote: Now I own a ranch in central Texas. http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source= ... -97.626047
Re: Destroy Portland
Good point, I now want to destroy again.strawman wrote:Pheno, you're the reason Texas won't allow concealed weapons in an establishment whose income is more than 50% alcohol sales.
- eric_marsh
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Re: Destroy Portland
Thanks - I wanted a place where I could work on my cars and bikes and Janet wanted a place to put her fishies. I think she got more than she anticipated.Phenopath wrote: Nice lake.
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Eric's Drabbles: http://eric-marsh.blogspot.com/"
Eric's Drabbles: http://eric-marsh.blogspot.com/"
Re: Destroy Portland
CARP ALERT!!!!eric_marsh wrote:I think she got more than she anticipated.
http://homepage.mac.com/emarsh/.Pictures/fishies.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
- eric_marsh
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Re: Destroy Portland
Yes, but they are mutant carp, born with the capability to bend men's (and women's) minds.
Why else would anybody pay $50k or even $100k for a carp and even cook custom meals for them?
If this isn't drabble material I don't know what is.....
Why else would anybody pay $50k or even $100k for a carp and even cook custom meals for them?
If this isn't drabble material I don't know what is.....
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. - Horace Walpole
Eric's Drabbles: http://eric-marsh.blogspot.com/"
Eric's Drabbles: http://eric-marsh.blogspot.com/"
Re: Destroy Portland
There's an answer to your question, but it isn't pretty...eric_marsh wrote: Why else would anybody pay $50k or even $100k for a carp and even cook custom meals for them?

Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
- Mr. Tweedy
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Re: Destroy Portland
I've never been to Portland and my knowledge of Van Halen is restricted to the fact that they will soon have their own Guitar Hero game. Yet, I love this drabble. It's just right. (Unlike what that man seems to be doing with that fish, which is just wrong.)
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- ROU Killing Time
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Re: Destroy Portland
I've lived near Portland my whole life, and I can confirm, there is a certain perfection to this drabble, Tweedy.Mr. Tweedy wrote:I've never been to Portland and my knowledge of Van Halen is restricted to the fact that they will soon have their own Guitar Hero game. Yet, I love this drabble. It's just right. (Unlike what that man seems to be doing with that fish, which is just wrong.)
Also, agree whole-heartedly re: man with fish. If that makes me "intolerant" well, so be it.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.
Re: Destroy Portland
Aw heck Tweedy, now I want to cry.
- ROU Killing Time
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Re: Destroy Portland
Oh, one thing. "Leave it out, asshole" makes the protagonistic sound like a british foreign exchange student, not a stoner, hair-band loving, tree-hugging, Portlander.
"Go screw yourself, asshole" might have a more authentic reginal feel to it. Or something equally more american.
"Go screw yourself, asshole" might have a more authentic reginal feel to it. Or something equally more american.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.
Re: Destroy Portland
sadly it is the only thing on my mind anymore that and spawning upstream.eric_marsh wrote:If this isn't drabble material I don't know what is.....
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