Drabblecast 070 - Reality Bites!

Mr. Tweedy · Post by **Mr. Tweedy** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:02 pm

Reality Bites! by Jim Bernheimer

"Technically, the term you are describing is 'the living dead' or 'the undead.' You took out a policy with Fundamental Insurance ensuring that upon your death your beneficiary would receive the sum of $500,000. Fundamental's position is that, since you have not fully experienced your death as of the time of your claim–and, indeed, since that time– the terms of your policy have not been met."

Guest narrator - Christina Colligan of Well-Told Tales

Vandellia cirrhosa

JimB · Post by **JimB** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:14 pm

I hope everyone enjoyed it. I'm excited to see how it is received by you folks on the forums. Don't worry, I can handle the slings and arrows if warranted. The guest narrator was very good and really brought "Cheryl" to life. Norm did his usual outstanding job.

Regards,
Jim

Chivalrybean · Post by **Chivalrybean** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:07 pm

Is there something dradfully wrong with me if I laughed at the Drabble Geographic news special? More speciffically when the guy was screaming at his... rod catching a fish?

...

Ok, now to listen to the story.

strawman · Post by **strawman** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:54 pm

I have heard too much about the "vampire catfish", even saw the operation on a guy on Discovery. But comparing it to noodling, the "macho American redneck sport", and having the Mexican using this as an example of "real macho" ,with the sound effects and background action, was the plato favorito. Some entrepreneur should pack these little buggers in condoms and give 'em to your daughter's boyfriend on prom night. Heh heh.

The best part of the story is the idea of the lawyer being an actual blood-sucking vampire. Between the lawyers and insurance companies, it's an idea that 'gives one pause'. Thought it could maybe have been better with a more 'sultry' feminine voice. But entertained I was.

cammoblammo · Post by **cammoblammo** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:48 am

Umm, I just got the Drabblecast_MP3 feed and I got a quicktime movie. Are there shenanigans going on again?

Post by **normsherman** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:51 am

cammoblammo wrote:Umm, I just got the Drabblecast_MP3 feed and I got a quicktime movie. Are there shenanigans going on again?

Ah, I think I found the problem. Should be fixed soonish.

cammoblammo · Post by **cammoblammo** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:52 am

normsherman wrote:
cammoblammo wrote:Umm, I just got the Drabblecast_MP3 feed and I got a quicktime movie. Are there shenanigans going on again?
Ah, I think I found the problem. Should be fixed soonish.

No real dramas at this end -- I was able to convert it fairly easily. But you know, QA and all that.

Looking forward to the new and improved Drabblecast that comes down the tubes without any problems at all!

Chivalrybean · Post by **Chivalrybean** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:58 am

JimB wrote:I hope everyone enjoyed it. I'm excited to see how it is received by you folks on the forums. Don't worry, I can handle the slings and arrows if warranted. The guest narrator was very good and really brought "Cheryl" to life. Norm did his usual outstanding job.

Regards,
Jim

I enjoyed the story. Grats on getting a vampire story on the drabblecast. It isn't an easy task. But, it was very different. I wonder if I would have liked the story more if she hadn't been a vampire, to see how that would have turned out, but you did cover what was likely to happen, so I guess I got the best of both worlds. Two stakes up.

By the by, are forum members aware of a Lost Boys sequel coming out, starring one of the original hunters?

JimB · Post by **JimB** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:23 pm

Thanks Chivalrybean. People seemed to like it so far, so that's good. I did consider not making her a vampire. The original concept for the short story was a Vampire forced to face mundane problems like going to the dentist. After thinking about it, I was "Hey, how about he tries to collect his life insurance?"

Uh-oh, looks like the site ran out of bandwidth. Does that happen a lot at the end of the month or did my horde of fanfiction fans swamp the site looking for my first original piece?

Post by **normsherman** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:29 pm

cammoblammo wrote:
normsherman wrote:
cammoblammo wrote:Umm, I just got the Drabblecast_MP3 feed and I got a quicktime movie. Are there shenanigans going on again?
Ah, I think I found the problem. Should be fixed soonish.
No real dramas at this end -- I was able to convert it fairly easily. But you know, QA and all that.

Looking forward to the new and improved Drabblecast that comes down the tubes without any problems at all!

I just tested and no mov files. *crosses fingers* maybe we're good to go now!

tastycakes · Post by **tastycakes** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:35 pm

I really liked the narration by Christina here. Got the bureaucratic, "I'm feeding you the bullshit my company told me" voice right on for this one. The story wasn't over or underwhelming for me, just right in the middle. But, I'm not one for vampires. They are at the bottom of the totem pole of scary/mysterious/odd creatures for me:

aliens > ghosts > sea (or land) monsters > yeti/sasquatch > man-made creatures > zombies > mummies > vampires > oops, not last thanks to wendego.....and at the very last, and should never be mentioned again, ninjas and pirates.

Anyone else care to construct their totem pole?

I'm digging the chapters and picture changes; just another example of why DC is head and shoulders above the rest.

JimB · Post by **JimB** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:50 pm

So no Pirate Ninja Vampire stories for you then?

tastycakes · Post by **tastycakes** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:22 pm

JimB wrote:So no Pirate Ninja Vampire stories for you then?

(tastycakes goes into convulsions) ....must...kill...Johnny Depp....and...that guy from.....ask a ninja...dot....com....

The last and only ninjas that were cool were the original heroes in a half-shell. But what was cooler, that they were mutants or that they were ninjas? Mutants win out for me, no doubt.

TURTLE POWER!

cammoblammo · Post by **cammoblammo** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:39 pm

Okay, let me begin by saying I enjoyed this story a lot. I picked the reveal fairly early on, and I was almost disappointed when Cheryl vamped out. I do like being surprised!

I did feel the story dragged on a little bit, starting from around the time the guy tried to hypnotise Cheryl. That little episode didn't do a lot for me. Of course, it didn't do much for Cheryl either. I also felt the final bit with the janitor seemed unnecessary.

Still, those nitpicks are nothing more than that. It was one of the better stories we've had in a while.

By the way, I had a look at that catfish at the linked site. Scientists seem to think that it finds its way into the pee-hole by accident. You know, given the number of times this must have happened for it to get a reputation, I think relevant governments need to start educating fish on safer swimming practices.

adam · Post by **adam** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 4:49 pm

i liked it too. a vampire life insurance claim fits in nicely with the zombie voting discussion we recently had. i didn't pick the reveal per se, but it crossed my mind with a few other possibilities- like him turning Cheryl into a vamp so she'd have to be on his side to file her own claim, or maybe a "death of a salesman" type throwback, where he tries to re-kill himself by opening the blinds and getting hit with sunlight, but then of course the policy doesnt cover that sort of thing.
anyway, there were enough directions it could have taken that none of them seemed obvious, and i stayed intrigued. good stuff. agreed it could have had a couple of minutes shaved off tho.

re: ninjas/pirates. i confess i did think realultimatepower.com was pretty hilarious back when it came out like 10 years ago. but then ninjas, and subsequently pirates, and god forbid "ninjas vs. pirates" (omg that's so random! lol!!1!) were ground into the dirt by droves of kids who want a prescribed formula to try to be funny. i cringe to think how many of each there are going to be at dragoncon this year. but then, by virtue of being at a scifi convention myself i'm sortof precluded from being able to judge anyone else. so to each their own i suppose.

strawman · Post by **strawman** » Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:25 am

tastycakes wrote:I really liked the narration by Christina here. Got the bureaucratic, "I'm feeding you the bullshit my company told me" voice right on for this one. The story wasn't over or underwhelming for me, just right in the middle. But, I'm not one for vampires. They are at the bottom of the totem pole of scary/mysterious/odd creatures for me:

aliens > ghosts > sea (or land) monsters > yeti/sasquatch > man-made creatures > zombies > mummies > vampires > oops, not last thanks to wendego.....and at the very last, and should never be mentioned again, ninjas and pirates.

Anyone else care to construct their totem pole?

In other words, a DC caste system, where aliens/squid are your blue-blooded aristocrats, and ninja/pirates the Untouchables. (And certain revolutionary jellyfish dream of a utopian world in which creatures are not judged by their color, but on the content of their sound effects!) Great authors will write immortal tragedies about forbidden love between the Montague zombie and the Capulet vampire, and the suffering of their offspring, rejected by zombie and vampire alike, or the classic Poitier film, Set Another Place at the Table, I'm bringing My Pimple.

What you are suggesting here, Cakes, is the refinement and establishment of an entire DC moral framework, no less significant in its way than Hammurabi's Code. One day in distant posterity, your totem may be unearthed like Stonehenge, and DC scholars will be left to reconstruct its significance.

Or possibly not.

tastycakes · Post by **tastycakes** » Sun Jun 29, 2008 4:41 am

strawman wrote:What you are suggesting here, Cakes, is the refinement and establishment of an entire DC moral framework, no less significant in its way than Hammurabi's Code. One day in distant posterity, your totem may be unearthed like Stonehenge, and DC scholars will be left to reconstruct its significance.

Or possibly not.

Classic. I couldn't help but hear that in Mr. Peterman's voice from Seinfeld for some reason.

Adam, I was thinking about some of your alternate endings for the story and it got me wondering about when vampires commit suicide, how can Life Insurance companies verify the dead? After all, don't vampires instantly turn to dust after a well placed stake? That's what I learned from Buffy, anyway. It's not that they can call a relative in, uncover a body, and see if they have the right person. Usually their clothes even vanish. This all adds up to another out for those damn crooks!

Richmazzer · Post by **Richmazzer** » Mon Jun 30, 2008 7:33 pm

I wasn't expecting Cheryl to be a vampire- good twist, and funny too (the bloodsucker line). The hypnosis scene was a bit drawn out, but other than that it was a lot of fun. Good job from both readers.

Goldenrat · Post by **Goldenrat** » Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:23 pm

Cool story - didn't see the twist coming at all and it was a neat surprise. Good reading and production as always.

tbaker2500 · Post by **tbaker2500** » Tue Jul 01, 2008 5:08 am

Thanks for yet again another great drabblecast.

Norm, I wonder sometimes how you have the creativity to do things like the vampire catfish, every week. Top notch.

The story was very solid! I liked it a lot. If the DC can average out to a story of this level, I'm happy.

So when is someone going to write a story which is a meta story about Norm producing the drabblecast? I mean, who knows what really motivates him? For all we know, a Yeti is doing the writing!