Hellaphant vs. Squid Vicious vs. Lucifoul vs. Evisceraptor

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Post by normsherman » Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:04 pm

Ah, glorious to see the tides of doom shifting. I'm not really sure who's winning right now but it's not too late to call in and vote! 410 702 5842
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Post by tbaker2500 » Mon Sep 29, 2008 12:55 am

normsherman wrote:Ah, glorious to see the tides of doom shifting. I'm not really sure who's winning right now but it's not too late to call in and vote! 410 702 5842
Unless, of course, you're voting for anybody except Hellaphant. In which case, the number is 410 702 5843.
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Post by adam » Mon Sep 29, 2008 2:58 am

well crap. i had a whole rational worked out behind this, but i don't really have time to get the full thing out now, and need to get my forum vote out before it's too late. baaah. so long creative points. but here goes the 15 min version.

basically, it boiled down to this- raptor's going to gun for lucifoul because he's blood crazed and the bird at first glance is the smallest and looks the weakest. lucifoul does not have foresight, he has trans-dimensional vision, so he has to look at something in order to see alternate possible realities pan out, he doesn't just know it inherently before starting. so he looks at this raptor charging at him in order to paralyze him and get a gauge on how things are going to play out. eye-contact is made and eviciraptor is paralyzed in body, but not in mind because his cyborg-brain is still in tact, immune to hypnosis. in an instant, lucifowl begins seeing the alternate realities where eviciraptor blasts him in the face with laser vision, so he knows he must reflect this blast in order to save himself, and in doing so blast out the raptors eyes. the problem is, at the same time eviciraptors neuroprocessor registers that the hypnotic eye he's gazing into is crippling him, so he must blast it out with a laser shot.
so the question is, does lucifowl know to reflect it first? or does eviciraptor's shot get off before lucifowl can put it together. my thinking is, eviciraptor wins. although the pure genius of lucifowl's brain thinks better than the cpu brain of a cyborg, it is not as fast. this is the determining factor. raptor reacts purely off battle-instinct, and instinct is immediate and uncalculating. the cpu in his brain will take under a nano-second to respond to the paralysis and trigger his eyes to blast a laser shot, traveling at light speed. lucifowls brain, although superior in most ways, is not instantaneous in this way. so right off the bat his third eye is blasted out.
luci starts going a little deranged- his ego can't handle this immediate huuge crippling he's been dealt at the first second of the round he was so sure he was going to win. raptor starts charging in full speed, and luci rails on him with turret gun-fire, which messes him up pretty bad. but between his crazy ducking-and-weaving skills (master of twitch movement) and his plated armor, they aren't killing shots. raptor pounces, and luci calculates the raptors speed and trajectory and flies out of what he determines the raptors range to be, but without his third eye he can't forsee the possible outcome of a 35 ft. corrosive blinding puke-spray, and a grapple arm firing off and closing the distance. grapple arm latches on and reals the bird in and the mauling/carnage begins. luci has really lost it at this point, but might have enough coherency left to duck into a shadow dimension and avoid being ripped to shreds. but it's too late, the damage has been done because eviciraptor bit him and the venom is doing its work. within seconds, he's exhausted and the crippling dimensia of the poison is stacking ontop of the dimented psychosis lucifowls already succumbing to from his triple-personality madness. remaining in his pocket dimension, he loses all grip with reality and sinks into hysteria, cackling and screaming insanely for 15 minutes till he dies alone in another realm. so appropriate.

meanwhile, the whale-esque nature of hellephant has invoked the pre-dawn rage within squidvicious, who sees him as a mortal enemy. the squid tears after him full speed and with all the furry of a nihilist hell fiend to avenge his eaten colossal squid brethren. hellephant will take serious damage in the fight, possibly getting severe liquid nitrogen and napalm burns, but if the squid grabs him to pull him in, he can merely teleport away before any beak or larva-implanting action goes on. he can douse the napalm by burrowing underground, and this is where he eventually wins the bout. at home underground he can merely jack squidvicious from bellow with a chainsaw-from-the-earth attack- dicing him in half. 2 reanimated halves of the squid are running around, and hellephant can telleport above ground- hit both with concussive spores, then drop on him and go to work dicing him to bits with razor sharp claws and chainsaw. it wont be long till he gets to and destroys the heart. think about how easily a chainsaw and diamond claws are going to shred through the jelly of a squid-frame.

so now it's hellephant and eviciraptor, facing off in an epic 1-on-1. both are severely damaged from their respective individual fights, but both are still seriously capable of kicking ass. eviciraptor holds the advantage of longevity- he's been riddled with bullets, and possibly splattered with a little molten-lead, but one of his greatest strengths is limitless endurance, so his body is dented and crushed but he's still got all the energy in the world to keep going. hellephant on the other hand, has the worst endurance of them all. he's exhausted from the squid battle, burned, cut, and a couple more teleports could put his heart over the edge and kill him from strain. but he's a veteran. he's been here before, fighting for the championship, and he's got a crown to protect. his wisdom and war-torn battle experience isn't something to be underestemated. this surely comes down to the most phenominal show-down imaginable, and it could go either way. my vote goes to hellephant though. he's got a 3 ton, double the weight advantage, and more effective projectiles. he'll take a laser shot, but it wont be the end of him with his tire-hide skin. he'll launch some spores, which eviciraptor might normally be able to dodge with his quickness, but given his injuries and the explosive range of a 6-spore scatter-shot, he's going to get a serious enough hit to be stunned, and that's game over. hellephant telleports ontop of him and dices his head off with a clean chainsaw swipe. game over.

and that is how i see it playing out. my vote, therefore, goes to our reigning champion-


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Post by StalinSays » Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:09 am


The 2008 Mega-Beast Death-Match has come to a close. Site and forum voting is complete. If Norm is extra nice, he might let some tardy phone votes sneak in, but otherwise you're out in the cold folks. Listen for the winner on the upcoming finals finishing podcast (expected Wednesday or soon after).