MBDM 2012 - Pest Heat

[StalinSays]

WINNER: SQUARREL



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Beast 1:
Nuclear Mole Rat
Nature: racoon, minotaur (human/bull)
Size: 17' (Long) 6' (Tall)
Weight: 5 tons
A naked mole rat, irradiated, swelled to the proportions of an enormous hippo. Hairless, nearly blind (accounts for this with sense of smell). Burrows beneath the ground. Releases pheromones, robbing opponents of will to fight. Huge incisors. Vomits toxic waste, emits waves of radiation. A viscous bite. Can regrow damaged limbs, though replacements return tumorous and... wrong.

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[size=50]Beast 2:
Racoontaur
Nature: racoon, minotaur (human/bull)
Size: 14' (Long) 8'7" (Tall)
Weight: 1.5 tons
Profoundly skilled at mesmerizing victims with interesting stories, narrated skillfully (with a well produced soundtrack). But it's a load of bull in the end, when the Racoontaur washes the victim's corpse in a stream. Hulking, crafty, well-dressed, self-confident. A libertine, but also, a leader amongst beasts.

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Beast 3:
AI-Aye
Nature: lemur
Size: 4' (Long) 3' (Tall) 20' (Reach)
Weight: 150 lbs
The world's first super computer to reach sentience, the AI-aye is a robot, straight-up. But, but, but - it's in the form of a blue aye-aye (still counts!). For reasons beyond our fathoming, the AI determined this to be the ideal form for a living thing, and mimicked it to the last fingernail. Inorganic, composed of self replicating nano-bytes surrounding a central processor. Can rebuild itself indefinitely, if processor remains in tact. Utilizes whip-like extending fingers for offense. These elastic digits are, super-heated, and cut like lasers. Attacks with an analytical approach born of an intelligence that dwarfs the whole of mankind. Dismayed by irrationality.

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Beast 4:
Squarrel
Nature: squirrel
Size: 12' (Tall)
Weight: 3 tons
A paint addled squirrel - completely buggered. Once an ordinary pest, the Squarrel fell in to an industrial paint vat, and ate its way out. This transformative event swelled it to the size of a moose. Lead in paint has made its blood toxic, the silicas bonded with its muscles, lending strength and density. Massive, ever growing incisors seek bone on which to be cut. Maddened state causes fearless, rabid behavior - will attack beyond the limitations of self preservation. Can stuff a full competitor in its paunchy cheeks. Skin flaps between limbs allows for gliding and soft landings if repelled (despite immense size).

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Beast 5:
Carpybara
Nature: carp, capybara
Size: 6' (Long) 3' (Tall)
Weight: 1 ton
Half fish, half rodent! Sprays a limitless, impossible, fire-hose jet of water out of gullet, to blind and befuddle attackers. Scaled armor. "Nasty, big, pointy teeth!" and super yucky, scent glands, the scent of which can never be removed. Utterly distressing. Like a carp, grows in size upon consumption of pray, with indefinite upper limit. Low intelligence.

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[bo_puppet]

Do artificial intelligences appreciate the art of story-telling?

Does paint taste as good as the Squarrel would have you believe?

Does a wet rodent-fish hybrid posses the worst smell to ever have existed?

Is this not the grossest animal conceivable?

[ROU Killing Time]

Do artificial intelligences appreciate the art of story-telling?

Does paint taste as good as the Squarrel would have you believe?

Does a wet rodent-fish hybrid posses the worst smell to ever have existed?

Is this not the grossest animal conceivable?

And some say there is no God.

Squarrel FTW

[tbaker2500]

Oh my, I'm going to have to vote for Racoontaur simply because of the artwork. That is too funny, man! Too funny.

He's kinda a old version of Norm if he fought in WWII.

[moonowl]

Carpy!!!! He has armor! Come on!

[Mikes]

Gotta go Racoontaur just for the drawing.

[Christi]

I think Squarral has the edge, those paint fumes are addictive! Ever seen how crazy an addict gets when you stand between him and his fix!!?
I must confess, I nearly voted for racoontaur based on the drawing….but some guy once said that we need to vote based on ISSUES!!!

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

Oh my, I'm going to have to vote for Racoontaur simply because of the artwork. That is too funny, man! Too funny.

He's kinda a old version of Norm if he fought in WWII.

Jolly good. But that would be Norm when he served in The Raj -- with perhaps a jaunt to Mongolia now and then.

[Christi]

So if Norm was a Raccoon Shelt, this is what he would look like. Thats cool, but we all know that if he was gonna be a shelt, it would be a Squid Shelt.

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

...Norm was a Raccoon Shelt ... shelt ... Shelt

What the Hell(t) do you mean by "Shelt"? That ain't in my OED.

[ROU Killing Time]

...Norm was a Raccoon Shelt ... shelt ... Shelt

What the Hell(t) do you mean by "Shelt"? That ain't in my OED.

Pfft, get yourself a decent Amairikun Diktionairie.

[tbaker2500]

Used in the stories written by Abbie Hilton, where Norm is a voice actor. Taken from http://cowrycatchers.com/?page_id=49:

shelt: a two-legged creature having a humanoid body from the waist up and resembling some kind of animal from the waist down. Shelts have pointed, tufted ears.

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

Oh, a Furry! (That's the scientific term.) Where the heck does Mz Hilton get off trying to rename such an import biological classification? I'll bet she even has them wearing clothes!

That's a crime, 'cause those Neko chicks are hot!
I'll be in my bunk...

[ROU Killing Time]

Oh, a Furry! (That's the scientific term.) Where the heck does Mz Hilton get off trying to rename such an import biological classification? I'll bet she even has them wearing clothes!

That's a crime, 'cause those Neko chicks are hot!
I'll be in my bunk...

That's way more than I wanted to know about you, ASID.

[strawman]

"some kind of animal from the waist down"?

Dang, Miss Abbie musta skipped her Wheaties that day.

[tbaker2500]

"some kind of animal from the waist down"?

Dang, Miss Abbie musta skipped her Wheaties that day.

LOL

I believe the intent was to show that many different animals can be shelts.

[Christi]

Oh, a Furry! (That's the scientific term.) Where the heck does Mz Hilton get off trying to rename such an import biological classification? I'll bet she even has them wearing clothes!

That's a crime, 'cause those Neko chicks are hot!
I'll be in my bunk...

That's way more than I wanted to know about you, ASID.

No Man ASID is quite correct!! Look at mermaids for example...they’re hot and ultimately Fish Shelts!!
I get what you’re saying about the scientific term of “Furry’s” but the term is not broad enough, would a mermaid then be a “Scaley”?

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

Nope mermaids aren't shelts, because they don't meet the defined requirements of two legs and tufted ears.

They're not really furries, either, because it's hard to walk around Comic-Con in a flipper.

Maybe if sHelts have Hair, mermaids would be sMelts, the Marine version.

[alhilton]

Actually, shelts come in 3 flavors (yeah, I said "flavors," ASID; try not to get overexcited) - fauns (shelts with hooves), panauns (shelts with paws), and nauns (shelts with neither hooves nor paws).

Mermaids would be a type of naun.

Given his choice, I believe Norm would be a selkie - a seal shelt, also a naun. He spoke passionately and at length about the plight of the selkie in his last interview for the podcast - http://cowrycatchers.com/?p=1208. Selkie civil rights - an important topic.

[Dr. Ew]

I want to say Racoontaur, but I think his lulling voice might not work on Al-Aye, nor would stuffing him in Squarrel's mouth, if he's only going to regenerate and slice and dice while inside.
I don't think the nearly-blind or the nearly-retarded would stand much of a chance for too long - so I think I'm leaning to the robot...robot, racoontaur, robot, racoontaur.... I need a coin to flip