MBDM 2012 - Heat 11

[StalinSays]

WINNER: Cricket Bat (by 1 vote)



Vote for your favorite! Round 10 finishes Thursday March 22nd at Midnight Eastern. For a much larger image of the competitors, click here

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Beast 1:
Mittens Baboonerang
Nature: Kitten, Baboon
Size: 5'1" (tall)
Weight: 400 lbs
Master of the unforeseeable comeback. Possesses a magical charisma and adorable cuteness (despite pronounced fangs). Carries a weighty, steel boomerang, but MB's primary weapon is cliched euphemisms. "At the end of the day, what goes around is what it is." 60% of MBDM voters vote against him, but he still gets 57% of the delegates.

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Beast 2:
Cricket Bat
Nature: Cricket, Bat, Man
Size: 6'2" (Tall) 12' (wingspan)
Weight: 800 lbs
Half-cricket, half-bat humanoid creature that walks around in an old fashioned cricket uniform with cricket bat in hand. Leaps with cricket legs, glides with bat wings. Echo-locates prey (even though he can totally see [what a dick]). Uses his cricket bat to expertly and tediously block any offensive attack over and over again like a good old fashioned test batsman would. Bores and confuses the hell out of any Mega Beasts not from a cricketing nation.

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Beast 3:
Murder King
Nature: Crow
Size: 78" (Tall) 26' (Wingspan)
Weight: 900 lbs
Every wonder why crows are so creepy? It all comes back to Murder (the name for a large grouping of crows, you see what I did there?) King (in that he is the ruler of all crows, the master crow... the moniker has nothing to do with burgers). This craven raven is a pitch black behemoth whose feathers detach to become fully-functioning crows, each of which obeys his mental command and flies in formation. His shriek is nightmarish, his talons are sharp. If he runs out of feathers, though, he's flightless, naked, and without minions. AKA Murder King is totally plucked!

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Beast 4:
Boarnet
Nature: Boar, Hornet
Size: 5' (Tall) 11' (Wingspan)
Weight: 700 lbs
Capable of flying at 160kph (100 mph), with a foot long stinger filled with muscle relaxant - leaves victims right and ready for its second pass, and a four tusk stab. Ridiculously durable with confounding agility.

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Beast 5:
Dryena
Nature: Hyena
Size: 6'10" (Long)
Weight: 300 lbs
A bizarre hyena with porous, spongy skin. Absorbs all moisture from foes with prolonged contact, turning them in to petrified husks. A painful death, and as insult to injury he'll swing your hardened corpse as a cudgel. 4 months sober, carries yellow chip. "Nobody knows... how dry he is!" Predictably irritable.

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[tbaker2500]

Cricket Bat wins it for me. Anybody who doesn't understand the Hitchhiker's Guide homage should go look it up.

Excellent puns and comedy all 'round this one, Bo. Great work!

[apricity]

Decidedly Mittens Baboonerang. Cliched euphemisms always play.

[behind the ziggurat]

Wow Bo, that drawing of Cricket Bat is sweet! So cool you picked him. The other beasts all look badass too of course.

I think Cricket Bat could win this heat. His defensive skills could perpetually deal with boomerangs, talons, stingers and hardened corpse cudgels. But I can't tell if his seriousness will help or hurt him against Mittens' charismatic euphemisms.

[strawman]

Reminder: No prizes for the clever names, guys. It's all about bringing the kinetics.

Remember, it's the sticks and stones that break the bones.
And the claws and teeth and stingers. [Crows, not so much.
The Birds was Hitchcock's only attempt at comedy. Off course, those were mostly pansy-assed seagulls]

[admiralsunshine]

As of now, my vote lies with Boarnet, because of his speed, size, tusks, and stinger. This is a tricky round though

[cinnamon]

Flocks of minions will get the job done every time.

[Mikes]

Reminder: No prizes for the clever names, guys. It's all about bringing the kinetics.

Exactly. Cool as Cricket Bat is, I reckon he's the weakest of the bunch here, unless he can convince any of the other beasts to let the fight last five days with regular breaks for cucumber sandwiches.

My money's with boarnet (yes I'm biased, sue me). Lighting, airborn attacks will wear down all the other opponants until he can finally finish them off with a headlong charge of tusks. The only beast with any defence is Dryena, but the hornet sting is detachable, not constant contact to rob him of moisture.

[StalinSays]

Thanks all, always obliged to bring beastly ideas to life. Sorry to be absentee in managing the comment stream. Poor Dryena is without a sponsor, and being beaten about the head and neck with poles (and by that I mean the voting polls).

Silence be damned! Let me stir the pot with some opinions. Here again, the circle of death - which beast beats which beast, in a round of rock/paper/scissors style match-ups [And most importantly, which critter has the pluck to break the circle!].

• Cricket Bat beats Mitten Baboonerang - For every boomerang throw, whap, it's sent right back. Oh the stalemate! And as Mittens interest begins to taper off, whap, the boomerang is redirected straight towards his head, like the sticky wicket it is.
  Dryena beats Cricket Bat - It takes a lot of concentration, being a spoiler. And with one lapse comes a cackling bear hug from behind, and a very draining death.
  Boarnet beats Dryena - Absorbent as he may be, a detachable stinger plunged to his heart will have him soaking in not essence, but relaxants. No good at all for an addictive personality. The hove stomps come shortly after.
  Murder King beats Boarnet - Sting as it may, it's no match for a swarming, engulfing, pecking shadow. Bird meets bug!
  Mittens Baboonerang beats Murder King - It hangs in there (baby).

So who breaks the cycle? Who is spoiler!?

Murder King - No other beast in the round has the offensive output to handle the murder en masse. Plus crows are smart. Are we forgetting how creepy smart crows are? They talk to each other and use tools for chrissake.

[bo_puppet]

I agree with Bo (because I am Bo).

We have a model UN of a commenting body here. Do y'all not have crows / ravens in your countries? I assumed they were worldwide, like roaches and flies and (ick) humans. Is a lack of familiarity with crows' loathsomeness to blame for Murder King not murdering like a king in heat 11?

[StalinSays]

I agree with Bo (because I am Bo).

We have a model UN of a commenting body here. Do y'all not have crows / ravens in your countries? I assumed they were worldwide, like roaches and flies and (ick) humans. Is a lack of familiarity with crows' loathsomeness to blame for Murder King not murdering like a king in heat 11?

You tell em buddy.

[Mikes]

I think it's time for the real life hornet pic again:



Now imagine one five times as big and paired with a wild boar. And you think a few spindly-winged birds could get in its way? Pprpf. Have you ever driven a car through a flock of seagulls?

[strawman]

Dang, that thing needs a motorcycle jacket and a hood. It perches like a falcon there on God's hand.

[Mikes]

Plus Boarnet has the brain in this match up. He has a Phd as his alter-ego:

http://www.designforhealth.net/events/m ... arnet.html

Look, you can barely see the zipper running down his fake skin.

[normsherman]

Cricket bat is pretty badass, I wouldn't mourn too long if he won. But I like Boarnet for all the reasons admiralsnshine mentioned. Plus it make me think about how cool Dragnet wouldve been with wild pigs.
So that's my vote.

[tbaker2500]

C'mon, people! What are cricket players good at? Hitting flying (or bouncing) objects! Boarnet won't get a chance to sting. He'll keep trying until he loses a wing, then it's game over! And the don't call it "The Ashes" for nothing!

[cinnamon]

Seriously guys, MINIONS. There is no way Murder King doesn't have this in the bag.

[tbaker2500]

Seriously guys, MINIONS. There is no way Murder King doesn't have this in the bag.

What, so there's a group of birds? Oh no, watch out! They might eat all the bird food!
A nice cricket bat will take care of that problem!

(How am I doing, Bo?)

[cinnamon]

A nice cricket bat may take A minion out, meanwhile the rest of them peck out your eyes. THERE'S A CRAPLOAD OF THEM.

[behind the ziggurat]

A nice cricket bat may take A minion out, meanwhile the rest of them peck out your eyes. THERE'S A CRAPLOAD OF THEM.

Ah but Cricket Bat doesn't need eyes! Sonar son! He's got this!