Perspective

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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chemistryguy
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Perspective

Post by chemistryguy » Wed May 01, 2013 6:50 pm

The day of my transition had arrived. My brother drew me to his side.

“Brother,” says he, “the journey on which you about to embark upon is filled with dangers.”

“Is it?” I reply. I feel my composure slip as I bite back a sob.

“Fear not. Listen to the words of your elders, but do not take too much stock in any one person. Do not lose yourself in your quest to discover who you are.”

His words confuse me, but provide comfort as well.

He takes my hand into his, and together we walk into my kindergarten classroom.

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Varda
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Re: Perspective

Post by Varda » Wed May 01, 2013 7:27 pm

Charming and adorable! Love it.
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strawman
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Re: Perspective

Post by strawman » Wed May 01, 2013 10:29 pm

chemistryguy wrote:
“Brother,” says he, “the journey on which you about to embark upon is filled with dangers.”
"On which...upon" is redundant. Need to drop either one here and add one elsewhere.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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chemistryguy
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Re: Perspective

Post by chemistryguy » Thu May 02, 2013 3:55 pm

Thanks for the advice Strawman

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strawman
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Re: Perspective

Post by strawman » Thu May 02, 2013 6:58 pm

chemistryguy wrote: His words confuse me...
*facepalm*
Me too. Also there be a milk carton somewhere with a picture of a missing verb on it.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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chemistryguy
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Re: Perspective

Post by chemistryguy » Fri May 03, 2013 12:00 pm

strawman wrote:
chemistryguy wrote: His words confuse me...
*facepalm*
Me too. Also there be a milk carton somewhere with a picture of a missing verb on it.

?

That makes three of us.

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strawman
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Re: Perspective

Post by strawman » Fri May 03, 2013 12:28 pm

It is a most cleverly disguised missing verb., so much so that it is suggestive of an opticle illusion or magic trick. That's why the *facepalm*. I will give you one more chance to read the sentence word by word to get the *facepalm* revelation.

Then we will have a beer and wonder what just happened.

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Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Varda
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Re: Perspective

Post by Varda » Fri May 03, 2013 12:43 pm

...do not take too much stock in any one person.
Take=put/place? Unless he's talking about IRAs. I hear it's never to early to start saving for retirement.
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chemistryguy
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Re: Perspective

Post by chemistryguy » Fri May 03, 2013 3:30 pm

I tried, honest I did. I was ready to acquiesce, but before doing so, I consulted the all-powerful Google for the phrase "missing verb" and "sentence".

It's at the point where the discussion leads to the words "prepositional phrase" and "modifying clause" and "subordinate clause" when my brain shuts down. I have a mind block when it comes to the fine details of good writing, but I'm ok with that. But I appreciate your attempts to break through.

Just one question before we go for that beer. Would this work?

His words confused me, but they provided comfort as well.


It sounds "more correct", but of course I was shooting for brevity with the initial sentence.
place too much stock
Yes, thank you.

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strawman
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Re: Perspective

Post by strawman » Fri May 03, 2013 4:16 pm

“Brother,” says he, “the journey on which you about to embark upon is filled with dangers.”

Looking closely, ask yourself if there isn't something about the phrase "you about" that isn't somewhat ebonic.

All together now:

*facepalm*

Yeungling okay with you?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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chemistryguy
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Re: Perspective

Post by chemistryguy » Fri May 03, 2013 5:29 pm

ebonic
Quite.
Yeungling
S'good.

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chemistryguy
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Re: Perspective

Post by chemistryguy » Fri May 03, 2013 5:47 pm

Because it nagged at me. Perspective, Take 2.


When the day of my transition finally arrived, my brother drew me to his side.

“Brother,” says he, “the road before you is filled with dangers.”

“Is it?” I reply. I feel my composure slip as I bite back a sob.

“Fear not. Listen to the words of your elders, but plot your own course. Do not lose yourself on your quest to discover who you are.”

His words confuse me, but his gentle voice calms my fears.

“Are you ready,” he asks. I nod.

He takes my hand into his own, and together we walk into my kindergarten classroom.

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strawman
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Re: Perspective

Post by strawman » Fri May 03, 2013 6:22 pm

The Yeungling really helps, don't it?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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gunsofchekhovia
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Re: Perspective

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Mon May 06, 2013 5:16 pm

Dang. I missed the missing verb on the first reading.

Anyway, made me smile. The rewritten version better for have words in the right place, too.

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strawman
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Re: Perspective

Post by strawman » Tue May 07, 2013 1:10 am

gunsofchekhovia wrote:The rewritten version better for have words in the right place, too.
Let's get a keg. :lol:
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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